IAmA guy who married a blind girl. AMA

What do you think she sees in you?

Good one ;)

Do you laugh when she runs into something?

Yes, and so does she :)

do you ever forget she's blind accidentally and say things like "honey come look at this!"?

I say that sort of thing to her and she knows what I mean. It doesn't offend her in the slightest, she likes being treated the same as everyone else.

What sort of things do you do together that you would consider different from a couple that both have sight? Movies? Concerts?
Shit. I realise this is a fumbling, shitfuck of a comment.
I don't read good n stuff.

When we're at the movies, I try to get seats at the edge so I can explain stuff to her without interrupting others. Sometimes we just wait for it to come on DVD if it's a popular movie. We do go to concerts together, our most recent one was Evanescence.

How is the sex life?

She has a higher libido than I do, so it's pretty great heh.

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I would say being sad a lot that she can't see the beautiful things I can, like sunsets and starry nights.

Awe man that made my heart hurt,

Does she listen to much music to compensate, back in my childhood days of awkward questions I remember always choosing blind over deaf because of music.

Obviously I have no comprehension of what it is like either way. But I like music and I find so many people simply overlook and ignore just how fucking fantastic some of the stuff out there really is.

Music is our strongest common interest. We like the same artists mostly.

Is she 100% blind?

Yes. No light comes in whatsoever. Total blankness.

Have you ever ridden a tandem bike together? I would imagine riding a bike being blind would feel pretty liberating and fun, as long as you trust the person in front (which I'm sure she does!). Biking rocks!

No, but I think she would enjoy it, so we might try it one day.

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Yes, she does. She says a lot of things a sighted person would say, like she watched a movie.

How do movies work for the blind, now that you bring that up? I mean, not all of a film has spoken parts and all.

I explain the silent parts to her, what the characters are doing.

Obviously, you notice these little changes in definition. Is it ever a sort of endearing inside joke between you two? Example: "I just watched Star Wars." "Oh, did you?" Also, in what ways has it changed your day to day? Thanks.

Yeah we do :) I can't remember any specific situation though sorry.

I'm not so sure it'd really be dishonest. To her, I'd imagine beauty would be found in textures and shape - which sighted people also find pleasurable to feel. Not to mention smell. Those are also aspects of attraction, and I don't think "handsome" would be any less honest coming in based off of those parameters than those qualities + visuals.

She is attracted to soft male voices and soft personalities. Also European accents are hot to her.

Did she put on her own mascara?

Yes, she does her own makeup. I check that it's tidy, she puts too much on in some areas by accident so I fix it up.

This comment just made my day. You're a great husband, and your wife is gorgeous.

Aww thank you so much :)

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If she really wanted, she could use her screen reader to see what I'm up to, but she trusts me :)

Do you ever lie about wearing a condom?

We don't use condoms.

So what do you use?

She's on the pill.

How did you meet? Also, how much of her daily tasks do you have to perform for her or help her with?

We met on a dating website. I do anything she finds difficult or dangerous, such as frying food or driving her places.

how did you meet on a dating website if she's blind? How does she use the Internet?

Jaws screen reading software, reads everything on the screen to her.

You two should play Bastion together, You play while she listens :D. I dont know if this is a mean comment or not but its a story itself and yeah IDK LOL

We did that with WoW a few years ago - I created a character for her and she told me what to do. It wore off though and she lost interest.

You seem like a good bloke. Has her family been supportive? Has yours?

Yes, both our families are very supportive. Of course her mother had to make sure I was a good guy before letting her daughter go out with me. I was a bit worried when introducing her to my mother because mum is the kind of person who worries about physical appearance, but they hit it off right away, which was a relief to me.

How much participation did she have in wedding planning?

Did she choose her own dress/ let you see her in it before the big day?

Does she dress/ co-ordinate her outfits herself?

She did most of the planning, but that's how women are :). She feels how things are, and her sisters/mum told her if it looked ok. I didn't see her dress until the big day, and she was stunning. Her family helped her with colours.

Is your name Sokka?

No. We did enjoy Avatar though :)

Does she use a guide dog? :)

She does have a labrador guide dog. She isn't employed, but she volunteers for the SPCA, she loves animals.

How old was she when she lost sight? Does she remember seeing at all? Does she reddit?

She became blind a month or two after she was born due to too much oxygen at the hospital, so no, she doesn't remember anything. She doesn't reddit, but I tell her about the funny stories and pictures I think would interest her.

Who has had more serious previous relationships?

She has. I have only had one previous to her.

Does she trust you to pick out clothes for her? or does she have to call her mates every time she goes shopping?

Also, congrats, a happy marriage is lovely thing man.

[EDIT] Spelling

She's happy that I think she looks good, that's what matters to her, as she can't see for herself.

Did you know she was blind when you started talking on the dating website? Was it in her bio?

Assuming you did find out before the date, do you think things would have turned out differently had she not mentioned it?

Was she initially embarrassed about it when you two first met?

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Sorry about all the questions, I just am genuinely interested.

Edit: 1 more, what did you guys do for your first date?

Yes, she stated in her profile that she was blind.

If she didn't put it on her profile before we went out, I would have been disappointed to have to have found out by meeting her in person.

No she wasn't embarrassed, she was very excited about being out on a date. I, on the other hand, was extremely shy, and maybe said two words the entire time. I don't really know why she stuck with me.

For our first date and first meeting IRL, we went to a coffee place. I think it was a security thing for her to be in a very public place with someone she hadn't been with before.

What's the funnest thing you two do that couples with typical eyesight don't do?

We don't do anything special that sighted people don't do. We are limited in what we can do together because of her disability, but that has never put us off having fun together.

What was the best date you two have shared?

Our last anniversary we stayed in a 5 star hotel over a weekend and went to Evanescence. It was pretty special.

how long have you guys been together before getting married ? how long have you guys been married ?

We have been together almost 4 years, and married for over 2.

With current or upcoming technology would there be a chance that she could see again? Would she want to?

I don't believe her type of blindness can be cured, but there is always hope. She does want to see again.

I read a story a while ago about a completely blind person being healed of it by natural means, and they found it extremely difficult to cope. They could only focus on one thing at a time, like you do with hearing, because that's what they were used to. I sadly think this would be the case with her if she ever did get her sight back.

Have you heard of echolocation? Blind people can do amazing stuff.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_echolocation

One could train to "see" things, with hearing.

Yes, I told her about it. It is pretty cool.

How do you think she feels about you?

She tells me every day she loves me, so I think that answers it :)

Where did you two meet?

We met on a dating website. I was always too shy to meet someone in person first.

How did she get onto the dating website?

A friend helped her set up her profile. She can use a computer with Jaws screen reader.

Have you ever tried explaining memes/reddit to her? If so, How did it go? Does she "get" memes?

I've never explained those things to her before. I do tell her about the funny stories and pictures I find here, but it's not really the same when trying to describe a picture most of the time - doesn't have quite the same effect.

Follow up:

Do you source the stories or take all the credit?

Is she aware you are doing this AMA?

I tell her I found the story on the internet. She would never believe I made it up :)

No, she doesn't know, she's out right now.

Awesome AMA, dude, really loved reading about your relationship. I have a question... Does she like poetry? I ask because people like Dylan Thomas and Walt Whitman use synasthesia (blending of senses) to get meaning across. I thought that sort of stuff would be great for her :) I'm so happy for you two! Also, if she likes the singing style of Evanescence, here's a band that she might like: Eaststrikewest. Thanks for reading :) Edit: I wish you all the best and tell her she looks stunning in your wedding photo!

She likes some poetry, but only certain poets. Thank you for the compliments :)

What does she dream? Have you ever asked her? It's one thing that really confuses me since we all dream in pictures.

She dreams the sorts of random dreams that everyone does, except just in sound, no picture.

Did you ever have issues knowing her disability was something you would have to accept for the rest of your life? How did you overcome these?

You are a wonderful guy, and best of luck to the two of you!

I did consider this very very well before making my decision. I knew I wouldn't be able to do some of the things I used to do, but I also knew I loved her more than those things, so it was an easy choice to make.

Thank you for the compliment :)

Before you met her, how would you have described yourself?

Very shy. I still am, but not as much, and I'm more confident in myself.

You mentioned meeting on a dating website. How did that work for her? Is she completely blind or does she use the computer on her own?

She uses Jaws screen reader to use her computer. She can't do a lot of things sighted people can like play games (obviously), but she can do the basics. Edit: typo

1. In the wedding picture, her eyes look... non-standard, but that could just be a function of the way that light is reflected for photography. Is that a function of the picture? What do her eyes look like in person?

2. I'm a software developer. How often does a website give JAWS problems? Do you or her avoid particular sites because of how bad the experience is, or just muddle through it?

3. How has describing everything changed how you view the world? And what kind of maltreatment have you seen her go through do to her lack of sight? Has it changed how you perceive people?

1. Yes, her eyes are different. They are sunken in, and the colour is almost gone.

2. She avoids Flash websites as they are a problem. PDF's can be problematic as well.

3. I don't really see things differently from how I did before. I haven't gone through any bad experiences with her, but she has told me of some, like the time school kids blocked her and her guide dog from getting past and laughing at her.

I know that it could be just too intimate to ask but I see you're pretty happy and I know you can answer sincerely.. What was the worst moment in your life with her? Do you ever feel like you're staying with her because now you have the responsibility of taking care of her? Have you ever had mental breakdowns?

The worst moment was when she got lost once. I was terrified, as she didn't know where she was, but she was eventually found.

No, I don't feel like I am responsible for her. I truly love her and want to take care of her for the rest of our lives. She's my best friend. I haven't ever had a mental breakdown.

Is her guide dog very attached to her? And if so does it ever try and compete with you for attention? I only ask this because my ex girlfriend had horses and I often felt they hated me and wanted her all for themselves. True story.

The dog whines EVERY SINGLE TIME we cuddle. Definitely attention issues :)