Like the title states, I'm a 23 year old white male and when I was 21 my girlfriend at the time (who I thought I had impregnated) gave birth to a black baby. Kind of a difficult subject to talk about for me but I thought it would be rather therapeutic to share and there seemed to be a general interest. The incident that occurred changed me as a person. I fell into a deep depression afterwards, went to rehab and was hospitalized for mental heath reasons. I don't really know how to provide proof, my brother is a reddittor who can co-sign for me. If a mod could PM me that would be swell.

EDIT*** this is a throwaway account. I'm going to go have a smoke now, I'll be updating this through the night. Just wanted to thank the reddit community, this has been really therapeutic for me. Haven't had the opportunity to tell my side without feeling shameful. Thanks guys!

EDIT2*** WOW. Awesome questions. I've got an Inbox completely full of inspiring messages that I'm printing off so I can read them when I get down. Thanks for the outpouring of love. I'm going to sleep now but I'll update any new questions tomorrow morning!

Comments: 4383 • Responses: 34  • Date: 

okonefortheroad1521 karma

Do you think if the baby was white, but still not yours, the girl would of gone on pretending that nothing happened?

accidentalblackbabby1975 karma

Wholeheartedly. That's a scary thought. Makes me thankful

umdfan1601167 karma

Did you ever talk to HER family afterwards? What did they have to say to you?

accidentalblackbabby2067 karma

I LOVE her family surprisingly. Her Dad tried to send me money to reimburse me for the gifts I had bought the child. I see them every once a while still, they always apologize to me whenever they see me. Good, hard working people.

krirby1064 karma

were you there during the delivery? if so, how did that situation unfold?

accidentalblackbabby2037 karma

I was. I entered shortly after the child was born. I noticed he had a rather dark pigment (i'm olive so it wasn't that unexpected). As soon as I saw the child I knew it wasn't mine. Not that I could tell from the physical characteristics (though it was kind of obvious) but instinct told me something was wrong immediately. While in the room I was seeing red. I tasted nothing but charcoal and smelled nothing but sulphur. It was a completely outofbody experience. I was sitting in the room knowing the doctors and nurses were judging me. I knew I'd have to call my friends and family and tell them the supposed mother of my child was a cheating whore. I ended up asking my ex about an hour after she settled into her new bed in the hospital. She confirmed my worst fears. At that moment I blacked out. Next thing I remember I was having a cigarette outside getting questioned for punching a hole in the wall of the nursery. I cut the hospital a check for $300 for the wall, called a cab and laid in bed for the next 3 weeks calming my nerves with Jack Daniels.

okonefortheroad2766 karma

I blacked out.

apparently so did the kid.

accidentalblackbabby2251 karma

I love you.

nomdaweb303 karma


RemnantEvil234 karma

I'm sure he wasn't too concerned with getting quotes at the time.

Also, if he overpays a hospital, then he's still giving money to a hospital. They can always use it.

accidentalblackbabby551 karma

This is valid but really I was prepared to spend $10,000 that day on medical. I was brain dead at this point and didn't want the cops involved.

RemnantEvil146 karma

That brings up another question, and never having had to deal with childbirth I'm a little ignorant - who paid the bills? It's not entirely clear where you live, so I'm not too sure about your healthcare status.

uhleckseee290 karma

The bills are paid by the family. He has zero relationship with that child, and no no relationship with the woman. He had no obligation to pay for the hospital bills whatsoever.

accidentalblackbabby668 karma

This is correct. I know for a fact she had to pay for it with a loan.

krirby815 karma

How did your girlfriend think she could get away with it? was she just hoping to beat the odds or was she aware that the baby might not be yours?

accidentalblackbabby1654 karma

She was totally aware it could not be mine. She was a crazy catholic, when I first found out about the child I suggested adoption as an option. I had been with her for a couple years and loved her dearly so in the end I dropped it and tried to do the right thing. The most painful thing about all of this was the amount of trust she betrayed. I had worked my ass off for 9 months to get a house and was absolutely excited the day the baby was born. She knew I spent hours pacing at night about how I would provide for everything. She knew I worked 40+ hours a week while going to school. In the end I like to think she thought the baby was going to be mine but realistically I think she was trying to trap me into raising the child she couldn't abort. And that really fucking hurt.

FierceIndependence367 karma

What happened that she ended up sleeping with this other guy? What transpired that ended up with her sleeping with him?

accidentalblackbabby774 karma

He was her ex-boyfriend. I was out of town for the weekend to attend my brothers birthday. At least that's what I've gathered

Ask_You_Anything_eh696 karma

What is your favorite Pink Floyd album?

accidentalblackbabby1041 karma

:) The Wall! Smoking a spliff and listening to it on vinyl now! Thanks!

accidentalblackbabby677 karma

yeah i really did, it's a shame how things ended. she meant alot to me. The doctor and nurses looked embarrassed. Like they knew what was going on and were kind of scared about what might happen next. I'm not a violent guy at all but I'm sure they've probably seen people in that position that had a different outlook

CitrusFeline615 karma

That's unfortunate. Did she try to get you to stay? How'd the family react and did she ever during her pregnancy make you think the baby wasn't yours to begin with?(if she knew anyway)

accidentalblackbabby1110 karma

She called me everyday for two weeks before I changed my number. She would say things like it was 'a drunken accident' and 'it wont happen again' however the father of her child is her ex from a few years prior. I knew she had unresolved feelings for him but I didn't think it involved carrying his child. Ultimately I only ended up seeing her twice since then. I believe she lives in her parents basement now while the childs husband is a waiter in Mexico.

Eyewiggler600 karma

Did you ever confront the real father. If so what did you say, we're you mad at him or did you just want to hear what he had to say.

accidentalblackbabby1346 karma

The real father is an acquaintance (through the photography seen Im a member of). He actually fled the country upon finding out the child was his. For about 6 months after the child was born I would have extremely vivid dreams about hunting him down Liam Neeson style. Quite frankly the man is a coward. Am I still mad? Yes. Did I ever care what he had to say? No

Fuqwon640 karma

Wait what? He fled the country? Why? Where did he go?

accidentalblackbabby1121 karma

I kind of lost contact as the only way I was able to follow him was through twitter. Last I knew he was a tour guide in Mexico because he didn't want to pay child support. I don't know that I necessarily believe in karma but my ex certainly learned a lesson in it which is unfortunate.

[deleted]198 karma

If you ever get the opportunity to confront him, what would you do?

accidentalblackbabby1025 karma

Realistically? I'd tell him to grow a sack and call his son. From what I can tell through various social media networks he's still in Mexico and still out of his son's life which is the saddest part of this ordeal.

DNAsly578 karma

I have an honest, if not blunt, question. Part of the anger I think I'm seeing here is aimed at the fact that she lied to you for nine months and tried to get away with it. Honestly, if she had told you early and gotten an abortion, or gotten an abortion and then told you, would there still have been a chance of you two staying together?

Hang in there. Remember, you can stay in your castle all day long and never be betrayed, but it's a lot better and a lot more fun to get back out there and put yourself and your trust at risk. Stay strong.

accidentalblackbabby760 karma

Great question! To be honest it would have changed alot of things! The pressure that I was under for 9 months was brutal and contributed alot to my mental breakdown afterwards. I wish I could say I'm forgiving enough to say I would take her back if she had an abortion but that simply wasn't the case. The fact that she fucked some other guy and lied to me for 9 months in the hope that everything would be fine is what got to me.

Thanks for the kind words. Means alot! I think I'm gonna make a profile on or something now hahaha

DocRobertson488 karma


accidentalblackbabby845 karma

My family felt really bad knowing that I had taken alot of responsibility and worked hard to provide a house for my ex and her child. In the end no one could relate to how I felt which led to me isolating. Drugs & alcohol, that sort of stuff. She looked shocked as hell when they gave her the baby, not that she could have been that surprised

code8master448 karma

I'm 20 and my GF is pregnent and I am pretty sure theres a 50% chance this is going to happpen to me. I'll head up an ama while the JD is still in me for ya'll. I hope with all my hope this doesn't happen.

accidentalblackbabby548 karma

Feel free to PM me with any questions or if you want any help! It's very hard being a young male facing fatherhood because there's no one you can talk to you. I'd encourage you to PM me man

Safi_Hasani408 karma

What happened to her and the house.

accidentalblackbabby1542 karma

She lives with her parents. I live in the house. Hardest thing about it was re-painting the nursery. It took me like two months because whenever I would start to paint over the baby-blue paint I would instantly start crying. My dad ended up helping me build a desk and furnish the nursery into a man-cave. Without his help I probably would have just boarded up the door haha.

Joystick35357 karma

I understand how emotionally complicated and difficult such a question might be, but out of curiosity did you ever stay in contact with the child after the fact?

accidentalblackbabby775 karma

No, I wish I could say I was that strong of a dude. In the end it wasn't my responsibility. I let him keep all the toys and crib and all that stuff. I had been going to school and working full time for the 9 months prior to the baby being born. After that I had about $7,000 in savings that I used to kind of seclude myself.

Joystick35581 karma

That is entirely understandable given the circumstances. It isn't the babies fault after all. And you seem like a good dude that just got caught up in some extremely shitty circumstances.

I applaud you for not taking out your anger and rage on him by being the better person and letting the little one keep the toys and baby stuff. A lesser person might have taken it all back out of spite for what your ex did. Bravo for being a genuinely good guy.

accidentalblackbabby624 karma

Yeah, and maybe if I were older and more prepared I would have taken on the responsibility. (Still would have split with his mother) In the end I was a scared 21 year old kid trying to do the right thing haha.

Just wanted to say thanks for your comment. It really means alot.

Roman-Waites347 karma

Was there a DNA test carried out because there have been cases of white couples having black kids due to a recessive gene.. It's rare, but not unheard of.. I apologise if my question seems obtuse, but it is an AMA..

accidentalblackbabby464 karma

Hey no worries! A DNA test was performed as I was kind of curious about this as well. I'm somewhat olive skinned so it wasn't too hard to believe but the child was pretty dark and I was a really lightskinned, blonde haired baby.

Sidnaw300 karma

You said that you were hospitalized for mental health reasons. What was your diagnosis, how long were you in, did it help, and how are you doing now?

accidentalblackbabby646 karma

Depression, anxiety, and possible PTSD. I was hositalized for a total of 2 weeks about a week and a half after the child was born. After that I was in outpatient drug treatment. Lets just say the week after I was supposed to have my child I laid in bed drinking only Jack (lost 11 pounds that week). Finally an officer was called who performed a 5150 and told my family to have me committed. Today I'm doing well. I haven't drank in two years and the classes I were in helped immensely. Without this I'm sure I would've taken my life. I live in the house I bought for my ex and her baby. Just kind of working on myself now I suppose.

[deleted]250 karma

so, you quit drinking altogether?

accidentalblackbabby989 karma

I did! My family has alcohol problems. I saw an older relative die of cerosis and decided I wouldn't share the same fate. I still smoke weed on the weekends occasionally but some people just can't drink and I'm one of them

chronicpenguins294 karma

Did the girl try to convince to stay with her and raise the baby together

accidentalblackbabby746 karma

Yeah and I considered it for about two weeks. In the end she destroyed my trust in others. Slowly working on building that back but frankly I wouldn't trust her to make a cheese sandwich now.

Hanzelgore292 karma

What was the reaction of the medical staff when they saw the baby? Did they look at you strange or anything?

accidentalblackbabby672 karma

The nurses cleaned the child and almost immediately left. They kind of had sheepish grins like they were really embarassed for me or something. The doctor, once clean, gave me handshake and kind of half heartedly said congratulations like he knew what I was about to go through. They handled it professionally and I'm glad. It's still kind of blurry because I kind of blacked out a little bit

Timocharis208 karma

Were you relieved in any way? I know you were excited and everything, but damn, if I had a kid at 21 that would be awful.

accidentalblackbabby394 karma

Not really. When I found she was pregnant I was terrified but that quickly subsided into excitement. I was pretty close to done at school and was pretty happy with life at that moment.

failtastic1197 karma

Did you suspect anything at all while she was pregnant? Did she act like she was guilty? Were there any signs that, in retrospect, you realize you should have paid attention to?

accidentalblackbabby375 karma

Unfortunately I was caught completely offguard. She had talked about the childs father being a good dude and stuff but I never thought anything of it. I think the only thing I could have done differently was hunt down the gentleman who caused all this.

Flincher14164 karma

Did you ever want to get some kind of revenge? Or rub it in her face that you have a nice stable life and she now lives in a basement without child support?

I think I'd end up being very spiteful to a bitch like that.

accidentalblackbabby236 karma

My brother asks me this all the time hahahaha. It comes into my head every once in a while.

jayhawk503150 karma

What happened to the house? What are you doing these days? How long ago was this?

accidentalblackbabby327 karma

I ended up keeping the house myself. These days I work in the insurance industry and do photography on the weekends. I've been on two dates since this whole thing happened which is what sucks the most about all of this. I still have a really hard time trusting women about even small stuff. The whole ordeal occurred on April 23rd 2009:)

usesunblock273 karma

I know the feel bro. I've been cheated on before by this one girl... real hardcore cheating too- with multiple people. I have been unable to go on even a single date since that, and that was about 2 years ago.

I'm 24 now, not looking for marriage or kids, so really just going out and having sex w/ bar skanks is fine for me right now. I just can't trust anymore, and it's sad.

I almost think that as a guy, the best thing you can do to meet women you can trust is to friendzone them for about a year. God, that's depressing lol.

accidentalblackbabby417 karma


TheBabyFacedKiller149 karma

Have you recently spoken to your ex since then?

accidentalblackbabby294 karma

Not really. After something this terrible there's not much to say. I'll tell her happy birthday or merry christmas but nothing outside of that.

katarinaantonia125 karma

Wow that must have sucked.. I'm sorry. How did she react when she first saw the baby?

accidentalblackbabby229 karma

Shock really. I thought that she probably thought she was fine.

noamknows54 karma

are you english ?

accidentalblackbabby240 karma

No sir. In Midwestern 'Merica

That_Urks_Me15 karma

If the kid wasn't black, would you have ever had any doubts of it being yours or done anything at all just to "be sure"?

accidentalblackbabby36 karma

No but if I ever impregnate someone again a paternity test will be mandatory. I never imagined this happening to me