I anonymously donated my left kidney to a stranger! AMA :~) (Reposted w/ mod approval)

Does this have any long-term impact your health insurance? I'd be concerned (as an American) subjecting myself to a voluntary procedure that could put my health - and by extension, finances - in jeopardy down the road.

Nope! Insurers are banned from discriminating based on pre-existing conditions thanks to the Affordable Care Act, and having one kidney counts as a pre-existing condition. Also, the recipient's insurance handles the entire donation process (as far as insurers go).

Discriminating, no. But any future medical issues relating to your kidney donation would still cost money and, depending on the severity of the issue, could be substantial. Does that concern you? That's been the one thing holding me back from exploring donation myself.

Honestly, the risk is so low, that I'm not really worried. I also don't have any genetic predisposition towards kidney failure, so I think as long as I stay healthy generally, I'll be good. If you wanna DM me, I'm happy to find a time to talk on the phone to answer questions 1:1 since you said you're interested in donating.

Would you say you're a good or bad art friend?

You have no idea the amount of Bad Art Friend jokes I get haha. While on the subject, I have two thoughts about Bad Art Friend, actually.

Firstly, on a positive note, I was having some anxiety a few days before a donated and wrote a letter to the recipient, imagining what their life is like and what it would be like upon getting my kidney. This was inspired by Bad Art Friend, but I didn’t send the letter or post it online (nor do I plan to). Writing the letter helped me feel totally secure in my decision.

Secondly, on a negative note, I’ve always thought it’s a bit dispiriting how the two most widely read articles that deal with kidney donation are Bad Art Friend and another by a guy who donated when he was very young (18 years old, IIRC) and regretted it very much, both cast the whole endeavor in a negative light. There are never stories that go viral about the mother who can go to his daughter’s soccer game again or the best man who is able to appear at his childhood friend’s wedding. And, I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing, something with the media or if it’s innate to humanity, but it’s just dispiriting that those are such popular articles.

FWIW, she didn't post the letter publicly. Only to a small invite only support group where she was sharing all the details of her journey. My friend with stage 4 cancer has a blog where she writes about her experience and I think it's much the same idea. That article badly misrepresented a perfectly nice person who was gaslighted and bullied by a bunch of more successful writers (yes I went down a one week rabbit hole back then).

Yes! This is true. There's a bunch of stuff about how that's such a shitty article.

https://twitter.com/TinyWriterLaura/status/1448647633380069383

https://twitter.com/dancow/status/1451050477811023873

https://twitter.com/badartfriendo/status/1446695218171023361

https://greenlivvie.tumblr.com/post/665306581878046720/framing-by-the-nyt-in-bad-art-friend

https://rottenindenmark.org/2021/10/10/identifying-the-bad-art-friend-is-easy/

Can you drink? If yes, what’s the limit?

I actually am sober for personal reasons (never was an alcoholic, but reached a point where I had to stop drinking). But, kidney donors can continue to drink once they've recovered. Generally, it's recommended to drink in moderation. My mom's friend is a kidney donor and she can still 2-4 glasses of wine (or she does when she and my mom hangout lol).

Why did you choose to donate anonymously? If given the opportunity would you like to meet your recipient?

Hey! Copying from another pair of responses since this has a lot of upvotes

1) I believe the vast majority of donations to strangers are anonymous. The hospital system puts up a lot of guardrails, so you can't talk to the recipient easily because there have been some crazy stories about donors not feeling as though the recipient is grateful enough. I ~think~ the recipient can get into contact with me, if they so choose, and it's easier than me reaching out to them, but I also think I can also give the hospital (say) a letter to give the recipient.
2) I'd be happy to meet my recipient and learn about them what their life is like. But, also it might be kinda weird since I would just be meeting another random person who could feel deeply, deeply indebted to me. I wouldn't want to put that on someone I guess. If they ever reach out, I'm happy to chat.

Did you choose the left vs. right kidney? How did they determine which one?

Donor-side surgeons prefer the left kidney since the vessels are slightly longer which makes the operation easier, so most people who donate give up their left kidney unless their is some sort of issue with it.

Do you plan to do it again in the future?

Well, I'm an organ donor, so depending on how I die, you never know :~)

I guess what it comes down to for me, is that if someone asked me if I would go on bedrest for less than a week and suffer some abdominal pain to save someone’s life, it feels like a no-brainer.

Honestly, that's such a great perspective, I think I am going to do this too (assuming I am eligible). There's not much in the way of downsides and enormous upside for someone else. Thanks for sharing your story.

Is the National Kidney Registry the best place to start, or are there multiple avenues for donation?

Yes! That is a great starting place. Go to their website and say you're interested in donating. Someone will be in touch pretty quickly. If you wanna DM me to learn more, I'd love to find a time to talk on the phone.

why donate when you can sell on black market for $40k??

You know buddy, I don't know. I don't know.

Did you choose to stay anonymous or is it a requirement for the program?

The hospital system puts up a lot of guardrails, so you can't talk to the recipient easily because there have been some crazy stories about donors not feeling as though the recipient is grateful enough. I ~think~ the recipient can get into contact with me, if they so choose, and it's easier than me reaching out to them, but I also think I can also give the hospital (say) a letter to give the recipient.

Are you unable to take all NSAIDS? You mentioned Advil/ibuprofen, what about things like diclofenac and naproxen? I’m currently starting the process to see if I can donate a kidney if not to a specific person, then through a cross match process that would get my specific person a kidney. I do have some chronic illnesses though, and I’m concerned that these might exclude me. I also take Naproxen every day for pain management, but I would be willing to give that up if it meant I could donate my kidney.

I believe all NSAIDs are off the table except in moderation. I would recommend talking to your doctor/the hospital about this obviously. If you wanna DM me to talk about the general kidney donation process, happy to set up a time to talk on the phone.

So it puts you at a slightly elevated risk of kidney failure. How would you feel if at some point in the future you needed a kidney and couldn't get one?

Great question! Since I'm an altruistic donor, I am put to the top of the list if I ever need a kidney (and so are my parents and both my siblings). So, I'm not worried about that happening. If we live in a world where there are no more kidney donations, we likely have much larger issues at that point ;)

But, suppose that did happen, it would feel kinda shitty because I like having a functioning renal system. But, the elevation isn't so great that it isn't inconceivable that I could have needed a kidney regardless of whether I donated or not. So, it would suck, but I guess that's how the world works. It's a risk that is very small and that I'm willing to live with.

If/ when you get married, would that extend to spouse and kids? Would it kick your parents/ siblings off the list?

Unfortunately, it doesn't extend to them. Those fuckers (i.e. my future wife and children) will have to fend for themselves.

That’s interesting is it because they don’t exist yet or in general. I’d donate a kidney yesterday for my kids or SO but I’d def have to have a think for my parents or sibling.

Dark but true.

You're given 5 additional kidney donation "vouchers" for loved ones to get a kidney in case they need one and you have to choose how to allocate them before you donate.

I watched a kidney transplant on television once and they were absolutely manhandling it.

Had you ever seen photos or videos of the process beforehand, or did you want to go in purely on the information you received from the doctors and donors? I know a lot of medical science looks and/or sounds scarier than it's meant to be. That tv program pretty much noped me for life, I think.

I have refused to look at any video or learn anything about the actual procedure haha. I'm pretty squeamish with that sort of stuff. When I was finding verification documentation for the AMA, I came across the surgeon's description of the surgery and immediately nope'd out of my browser.

Are you in any way restricted now with only 1 kidney?

Not really! As I've mentioned, I can't take advil. I guess I also have to give up on my dreams of being an MMA champion, but that's really it.

You could still do an all nighter bingedrinking and or take loads of drugs? Not that I'm implying you do, just asking if you could, you know for a friend

To answer your friend's question: cocaine is entirely off the table because it's processed by the kidney. I think you have to be careful about heavy drinking as well, but I'm sober, so I don't know the specifics.

I have seriously considered doing this, and even took steps toward donating. However, I have had kidney stones a couple times, and I seriously worry that donating a kidney could make future kidney stone episodes much, much worse. Did your doctors talk to you about how donation might affect that?

I don't have a history of kidney stones, so it was never brought up. But, when you go in for testing, you can and should bring that up with the doctors and they can make a determination about whether you should donate or not. If you're interested in the process, feel free to DM me and I'm happy to find time for us to talk on the phone about it.

Have you attempted to find out any info on the recipient or reach out ?

No, not really. To be honest, I don't even know what I would say to them. It would feel like I was reaching out to someone just to hear them say thank you to me, which strikes me as perverse. If they want to reach out to me, they can. But, I wouldn't want to impose that conversation on someone.

I'm also not really given any info aside from the person's age, gender and state of residence, so I really couldn't find them even if I tried.

How would you feel if you found out your recipient was an unrepentant neo-nazi or something like that?

I mean, that's not great, especially because I'm Jewish. But, the vast, vast majority of people are not unrepentant neo-nazis, and there's no way that I could have known that beforehand, so I wouldn't regret it. Also, candidly, I believe that like 99.999999999% of human life has value for its own sake, and I think you have to look at the sum total of someone's life. Idk, maybe this is too easy to say in the abstract, but neo-nazis have brothers, fathers, wives, best friends, etc. They have people who care about them. And, maybe if they weren't actively killing people or encouraging others to, then, I would still be unhappy obviously, but maybe I could rationalize that it's still a good thing? idk. But also, maybe they would learn it came from a Jewish person and their mind would change?

who anonymously donate a kidney to a total stranger every year.

How do you donate a kidney every year???!?! How many you got?

shhhh we don't talk about the extras

What are the health and demographic requirements to be a donor?

Great question! You have to be 18 years old or older and generally in solid physical and mental health w/ good kidney donation. They run a battery of tests on you and I can't speak to the particular requirements, unfortunately. But, before my tests, I would consider myself of average health for a man in his mid-to-late 20s (exercised 3-5 times per week, didn't smoke cigarettes, ate healthy-ish) and all of my tests came back good.

Are any of these things exclusionary to your knowledge? Past history of smoking, High alcohol consumption, obesity, or diabetes?

I smoked for ~4 years when I was in college and a bit after, but it was generally very light (3-4 cigs per day), and I quit 2+ years ago. Don't know about the others.

How has it affected your life? I have a friend who needs a kidney and I don’t know if the lifestyle change would be too much or if I should keep it for if one of my kids needs it in the future.

Honestly, 1.5 months out, it hasn't affected my life at all. I'm basically back to normal. I have to be careful about heavy lifting for another few weeks, but that's it.

IMHO, the chance that someone will need a kidney donation in their life is pretty small, so if you have a friend or loved one that needs a kidney, I'd recommend donating instead of waiting for a future, hypothetical situation. But that's your prerogative of course.

How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

26! So, take everything I say with a grain of salt and youthful optimism.

What's the most painful thing you've ever experienced?

My girlfriend breaking up with me when I was 20 years old. Hby?

I know you get moved to the top of the donor list should you need a kidney, but do they provide any statistics of how many people end up in that situation? That, and the fact that 1 kidney makes a high risk pregnancy, is why my spouse has been fighting me on being a living donor.

This is obviously a super cursory search, but according to WebMD (edited slightly for clarity):

Just how likely is it that you’d need to take advantage of priority status as a donor? Between 2010 and 2015, about 200 people in the U.S. who had been kidney donors were added to the national kidney waiting list. That’s an average of 40 a year.

Compare that with the more than 5,000 people who become living kidney donors each year, and you’ll see that you have a low chance -- less than one in a hundred -- of needing a kidney transplant after donating one of yours.

https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/kidney-donor-needs-transplant

If you wanna chat about the donating, feel free to DM me any questions or we can set up a time to talk on the phone.

Have you ever seen To Catch a Predator and if so, why would you pick that username?

oh boy...no i haven't...what am i missing here...

Did you do this AMA because you regret donating anonymously and now want attention?

Hahaha, not really. I got plenty of attention from my friends and family after donating. I'm doing the AMA because I think that it would help demystify kidney donations and maybe encourage someone else to donate.

I anonymously donated my left kidney

User has been verified

Not anonymously enough, I guess.

haha, the subreddit needs verification and it generally isn't great to post medical records publicly