I'm Daniel Sloss, comedian and author of "EVERYONE YOU HATE IS GOING TO DIE: And Other Comforting Thoughts on Family, Friends, Sex, Love, and More Things That Ruin Your Life" — Ask Me Anything!

I was thinking about the last bit of X the other day and I was wondering, the close friend of yours who was raped, how is she doing now?

She's doing very well, thank you. We managed to catch up after the pandemic a few months ago, we got suitably drunk, said some horrible things to each other, hugged and caught up. A very happy and funny woman.

Nice to hear. If you want: Tell her random people on the internet think she's awesome and wish her well.

Oh she's well fucking aware. Straight to her big head

Whatever happened to the cunt that raped her

His career is well and truly over. Nobody really heard from him since.

I've got a ticket to see you Friday, can't wait. What's your favorite place to go to get your creative juices flowing so to speak?

I jerk off in the shower, if that's what you're asking.

Moreso what's the place you find most inspiration from. I'm not young enough to go the shower route anymore. Have to lay in bed.

Stuff that makes me angry. I always used to rant as a kid, and nobody would listen to my rants unless they were funny. So, now I try and channel that desperate, unwavering need for attention and approval into my sets

Thoughts on John Mulaney?

Love him. Horse in the Hospital is one of the all time great bits, a true hall of famer.

Who is the comedian you most admire and why?

Bo Burnham has to be up there for me. I'm always just so blown away my how smart, dark and funny he can be. He's also my age which is absolutely devastating. Real nice guy, too. Proper sweetheart. Prick.

How dare he be so talented?! Inside is an absolute masterpiece.

Are there any comedians whose success makes no sense to you?

Oh yeah, fucking loads. I watch some specials and think "How on earth did this ever get made, or even performed and why are the audience laughing?"

But I'm sure people watch my shit and think the exact same. Comedy is joyously subjective. That being said, there are some objectively shit comedians who are successful due to showmanship as opposed to talent and joke writing. But I gotta respect it and I can't be mad coz they're not taking any of my audience away from me, and I certainly wouldn't want theirs.

You make a lot of (really really good) dark jokes. How do you decide how dark is too dark? Are there any things in particular you would never joke about or is it just a question of proper handling?

Also, how much do your Instagram stories stress out your PR team?

The audience let's me know real quick when something is too dark. After that I'll find a way to package the joke a little bit differently to make it easier to listen to or digest. I think absolutely anything can and should be joked about, but I do think they should be handled in certain ways. I'll never tell another comedian what not to write, but if you're going to bull stomp your way through a controversial subject without any understanding, grace or empathy, then I don't think you get to complain too hard when a bunch of people yell at you online. You didn't get cancelled, you got fucking yelled at. Grow up, write a better joke. Or make that joke better if it's that important to you. Always think about who or what the joke is attacking, why it's being attacked and if its worth attacking.

And my PR team actually quite enjoy the Instagram stories now. I'm so bad a social media that I think they're just like "look, he's visibly high, called them all cunts and got the tour dates wrong, but at least he linked his website"

Have you ever met someone and felt starstruck and if so who was it?

Made a twat of myself in front of Bill Burr once, still cringe about it.

First time I met Conan I was pretty blown away. But I tend to be able to be starstruck internally. At least I think I can.

Would you ever want to write for someone else? Like, to work on a series or movie as a writer? I love your brand of storytelling and "teaching moments" and I wonder how your humor would translate to a different format.

I'd love to. It's always sounded like the best way to learn. To go join a show, sit in a writers room and just hash out episodes or skits. I love the South Park 6 days to air documentary. Made it look so fun, challenging and rewarding. But I don't think writers rooms are all that common in the UK.

Do you laugh at your own jokes sometimes?

Yes. And I find it so gross. It kind of ruins the illusion of angry, ranting man who isn't aware that he's funny. But sometimes I do find myself funny, and lots of the time I'm laughing at the audience reaction. When you write a bit that you find funny, but you knows it's a bit fucked up and pushing a line, it can be hysterical watching an audience try to process it.

Are you happy living in Edinburgh?

God, yes. I grew up in a place called Fife (big up The Kingdom) and there was fuck all to do, or I was just a hard to please teenager, so living in a city blew my mind for so many years. Weed was difficult to get in Fife, and would regularly be dry, but Edinburgh always had it.

Now I like living in Edinburgh, on the outskirts, just coz I'm a middle-aged middle-class twat who thinks he's better than everyone. It's a beautiful city.

Ill also never move away from Scotland

As someone who roasted the hell out of relationships and love, what's your response to fans that are surprised that you are getting married?

I think a lot of them need to rewatxh jigsaw. The show was never meant to be anti-love or relationship. It was anti- toxic relationships and settling for shit. Jigsaw never ended a happy couples relationship, and I wouldn't want it to. I only took such immense joy in the numbers because everyone coming out of the relationship was so much better afterwards. I never said love didn't exist, in fact I explicitly said love was real and I was sick of the shit fake versions of is masquerading as real love.

That being said, I'm a comedian who went after relationships and now I'm engaged. I welcome and accept any shouts of "Hypocrite" with understanding and laughter. I never said I would never find love, I just said you probably hadn't.

And on the plus side, if this relationship goes to shit imagine the sequel.

Hiya Sloss, Love your work man, hoping to see you when you come to Berlin next year. Here's the question though, as you started comedy super young in the UK, which other comedians were friendliest/most helpful to you as you starting on the circuit ? And if you feel like dropping names, who does it turn out are real cunts?

I was supported by many comedians early on, lots of the Scottish circuit was very helpful - Jojo Sutherland, Mark Nelson (who I still take joke advice from today) and all the staff at The Stand looked out for me.

Paul O'Grady was super supportive and gave me my first TV gig. McIntyre and Rob Brydon both had me on their shows a lot.

And in terms of cunts, I think most comedians who didn't /don't like me were kind enough to say all the shit behind my back. There's plenty of comedians I dislike, but I'll not do them the favour of mentioning their names in a public forum.

Who is your celebrity crush, and given the chance to meet them (if you haven’t already), what would be your icebreaker?

I'm a straight man but I would let Mike Colter put me through a wall. And I reckon I'd open with that.

Also, my heart has always belonged to Lorraine Kelly.

As someone who has known you for quite some time and saw all but one show you did in my country, I find it disappointing to still not have heard why you hate Adelaide so much. Apart from the fact there’s nothing to do, you seem to hold a strong grudge against it and those grudges are usually combined with good stories. So. Why do you hate Adelaide?

First time I went to Adelaide it was great. Was part of a three comic show, me, kai and Jimmy McGhie. We had the month of our lives. Sold out shows, nice crowds, booze after, smokes at night, breakfast together and then the gym. Was great. But the traffic lights took no less than 5 minutes to change, and every single local just obeyed the red men with a blind loyalty I couldn't fathom. People would tut or judge you if you crossed the road at 2am, instead of waiting 5 minutes to cross a completely empty road. It blew my mind. Not enough to hate it though.

Then, I came back a few years later. Was expecting the same fun. And I was doing decent numbers everywhere else. 300 in European cities. 200 in England. 500+ in Scotland. And anywhere between 300-600 in aus (Australia has always been very, very kind to me).

I was in same venue as two other great aussie comedians, Nick Cody and Luke Heggie. And I think over a 5 day run, the most any of us got in was 20. And they were shit, too. Cunts didn't even clap when we walked out. They'd had this comedy festival on, and had a Fringe a few weeks earlier, a jazz festival, some formula one shit a food festival and I realised "oh, they're fucking spoiled. Literally everything comes here, we must deserve all this attention". And it shows across the board. Ask any other comedian where they least like yo play in Aus, they'll say Adelaide. People don't book tickets in advance there. Its like a thing "fuck it, we'll buy at the door. Of course you're coming to see us, we're Adelaide"

what’s your favorite book?

Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss.

What’s your favourite music?

Ask anyone who's attended any of my shows and suffered through my playlist - it's fucking horrendous. I whole heartedly and sincerely loved Mumford and Sons, Imagine Dragons and Creed (who, somehow, for 10 years I had no idea were a Christian Rock band - which really annoyed angry teenage atheist Daniel).

I'm never allowed to Aux cord in the car, and rightfully so

what annoys you most in a person?

Stupidity and stubbornness (two things I can be guilty of myself). I'm dumb and I accept it, so I try to be open minded about things and if something doesn't make sense to me, I understand it's probably coz Im an idiot, not that the thing isn't true.

Whats one significant thing you learnt later than you should've?

Marijuana can definitely be addictive

Did you take your fifa team to the fucking prem?

We did. We won it, and the CL. Was halfway to a hextuple season, when my other flatmate accidentally deleted our game. He's dead now

Hey man, recently discovered you through YouTube recommendations and have been loving your stuff! Barely missed the show in Philly, hope you enjoyed your stay in our little shithole. Couple of my friends from Glasgow have been dying for an authentic Philly cheesesteak - dunno if it's the same for you, but if not you should definitely give it a go.

Have you received gifts from fans at all? And if so, what's been your favourite thus far?

I love a philly cheesesteak. Had one as soon as I came off stage.

Best gives I get given are normally edibles. Sometimes I get nice bits of clothing, and I got a really cool set of custom made D&D dice the other day.

what is a joke that you told which you are the most proud of?

Anti-abortion one is still my fave. It's the joke that after I'd tell it I'd have other comedians, who I loved, come up to me and go "fuck, I wish I'd wrote that". Which is the highest praise you can get as a stand up. Still can't believe they let me do in on US television

Will you keep doing one new (very good) show every two years, do you think you'll still have that much inspiration in the future?

I hope so. 1 show every 2 years is managable for me at the moment, and it's a good work ethic. I might change it in the future, if I feel I need to slow down or if it takes me longer to get a show into touring shape.

And yeah, the world will never stop being fucked up and full of idiots, so I'll always have shit to moan about.

If you get fan gifts while touring, is it inconvenient as it’s more stuff to carry around?

Aye, our suitcases get a bit more packed. That's why I only ever ask for edibles that I can take then and there. Anyone who brings bottles of booze are very kind, but also have no concept of what a tour involves

Any tips for an Englishman going to Scotland (Glasgow) for uni?

Don't be a Tory

You still knitting?

No, and I really should be. I just got bad at it. Can't really do much outside of hats and scarves. Maybe again though

what’s your favourite thing about scotland? 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

The people.

What is your favorite thing about visiting NYC? (Btw you and Kai both had me crying of laughter, thoroughly enjoyed the show!)

I've got many good friends in new York who I love to see. And whenever I can I like to get down to the comedy cellar, coz that's just still so cool and surreal to me. I grew up hearing about this comedians table upstairs and now I get to sit at it. Huge.

Also, the pizza. I fucking love new York pizza.