IAmA guy that hasn't pooped in the month of August yet. Ask me anything about my extreme constipation.

My last bowel movement was July 29th, for the last 10 days I have limited myself to one bowl of cereal a day, b/c the bloating is just too painful. I have gained 11 pounds during this entire ordeal. I've tried everything from coffee enemas to stretching. Nothing has worked. My doctor now has me on 4 different medications and I am about to do 2 different types of Enemas. He swears I shall see something pass today.

For the first time in a long while I do actually feel something going on in my lower stomach. My doctor warned, with extreme constipation of this sort, I may actually rip my anus from the impacted poop. This has forced me to take muscle relaxers and actually have to apply Vaseline to my anus twice a day.

I will keep you updated, and for you Reddit, if I release this beast, I promise to take pictures. That is if you want me to. My doctor guesses this will weigh close to 6 pounds! So buckle up and pray for my butthole.

This is the first time this has happened to me. I've gone 7 days before, but nothing like this. around day 18-20 I had to lay in bed and not move b/c the feces was causing cramps. I've had night sweats for the last week. It's gone to far, today I dont care if I rip my anus, I'm going to go to the damn bathroom!

Edit: Off to take enema numero uno, I'll be back in 10 minutes!

Here is a picture of my setup in case I pass out - advice from my doctor** http://i.imgur.com/X4fAY.jpg

Off to take enema number 2, I'll be back to 15 mins. I'll also take stomach bloat pic as requested

This prob does look like much, but I'm 6'3 and weigh 175, and have to lean forward to see my toes ** http://i.imgur.com/vbfZb.jpg

Edit: guys my girlfriend has been reading your comments and thinks we need to go to another doctor, I'm kinda concerned reading your comments regarding anal tearing and his lack of attention to it. Going to go to a 24 hour clinic, I'll report back when I get home. It's cramping again and I can barely stand up. Thanks for your support. Meanwhile you have my girlfriend rather worried about our doctor of 3 years

Edit: Here's attempt number 1 for trying to get it out after the enema. Warning that this is graphic: http://i.imgur.com/D6S6l.jpg

Edit: Final update for a while guys. I'm posting this from the hospital. There are doctors and nurses wearing what looks like very expendable clothing. The doctor tells me there will be a manual retrieval that should have happened days ago. I know that you guys aren't the praying type but I need some sort of God on my side right now. I'd say that I'm scared shitless and I think that's a pretty accurate statement. Updates as soon as humanly possible. Reddit, I'm scared now.

12:01 CST Update - Sorry I fell off the face of the earth earlier. I went in to the hospital and had a rather unpleasant experience. They gave me a drug called 'golytely' and some other mild sedatives that basically allowed my ass to loosen up enough to where a nurse(male) could get his claw mouse grip into my asshole(Manual Disimpaction) and rip out what felt like a sword. In reality, the clog was about twice the size of a golfball. I really did ask if I could take a picture of it, but they just laughed it off and took it away. On a bright note, I asked if that was all that was coming. He laughed and said I was in for a grand finale after my next enema. I am too exhausted to even thinking about taking on that chore tonight. Me and my asshole are currently not on speaking terms. It's sore and feels violated. No lacerations, but very, very sore. Tomorrow is the day Reddit, tomorrow is the day. For your support all day and advice to go to the damn hospital, you shall be rewarded with countless pictures.

Also, whoever bought me reddit gold, much appreciated! It was the gift I needed in an otherwise bad day.

1:00am - I could stay up all night and chat with you guys, but I'm afraid my drugs are taking hold. I'm off to bed! See ya tomorrow!

Part deuce, the conclusion: http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/jp44z/iama_guy_that_hasnt_pooped_in_the_month_of_august/

Comments: 4974 • Responses: 11  • Date: 

[deleted]1462 karma

[deleted]

nopooshallpass239 karma

Thank you so much for all this info man, I will do everything you recommend. I really appreciate it.

nopooshallpass463 karma

I also currently have pillos and thick blankets all around the toilet bc my doc says, I'll most likely pass the fuck out from pain

Big_Bird_nation436 karma

How many courics will that be?

nopooshallpass184 karma

hah! All my friends have been asking me this, I had no idea what they were talking about until they showed me the episode.

pilismasher390 karma

i have faith in you man. that must be fucken painful. I will keep your anus in my prayers ( no homo )

nopooshallpass122 karma

I appreciate ya! The bad thing is, I cant take pain killers for they further constipation

[deleted]366 karma

So after this is taken care of how will you respond when a women says 'you will never know the pain of child birth.'

nopooshallpass443 karma

My doctor said this will likely be just as bad as child birth, and will likely also have the same repercussions(ripping of the anus) This makes me more scared to try to go

MySuperLove190 karma

No offense, but did your diet consist entirely of cheese and zero fiber?

nopooshallpass272 karma

I think the culprit was a gift I recently received(a bread maker) I have been making my own white bread for 3 weeks and also taking protein shakes (terrible diet I know) but I think this is the cause of all this.

Runding180 karma

Pics or it... oh wait, it hasn't happened

nopooshallpass180 karma

hahah! I'd literally pay 5k to have this out of me. Women in their 3rd trimester, must be in pure misery.

wonderbread51133 karma

You need to go to someone else's house to do the deed. Someone with a good plumbing system, and a solid-surface floor.

Also, this reminds me of this

nopooshallpass84 karma

this is weird, I'm reading this as we speak. Just started it

ThatBritishKid45 karma

you need to weigh yourself before and after.

nopooshallpass87 karma

I've already weighed. My doctor makes me do it every morning, if I gain another 3 lbs, he said I'll need surgery

mattinsf37 karma

Did you get an ultrasound? Do you have a baby bump?

nopooshallpass72 karma

I'm bloated beyond belief. It looks redic

megman1315 karma

Do you expect, once everything is cleared out, that you will have lost weight as a result of your inability or unwillingness to eat much recently?

Do you intend to courtesy flush?

Do you have a "green" low flow toilet?

nopooshallpass30 karma

My house is very contemporary, so yes I do have a low flow toilet! That's the least of my worries, if I could get this out of me, I'd go to the bathroom on the kitchen counter. There will be plunging and several courtesy flushes I am sure, hah. I will no doubt be around 10lbs lighter a week following my bm. I've averaged 275 calories for the past 10 days.