I was born and raised in a NY Hasidic community, completely isolated from Secular society. AMA

What do you wish the non-Hasidic community realized about the Hasidic conmunity?

I really like this question! I wish people would realize more that most of us haven’t chosen our society or culture. We were just born into it and we usually believe in in even though we haven’t really chosen it objectively. I think if we would listen more and try understand other views it would be better for everyone. Especially when it comes to such insulated community like Hasidim. I would say that most people are good people and have good intentions. Even the ones that act bad in the eyes of someone on the outside, believe they’re following gods word. I think if instead of reacting in hostile manner, you try to listen and understand we all would accomplish much more.

I’ve read that internet access is strictly regulated in communities such as yours. Are you violating any rules by being here today?

Yes indeed the rabbis and leaders try really hard to ban internet altogether. They have a really difficult time with the internet. Its only allowed for business purposes. They have created a kosher internet filter. You’re only allowed to use the internet with that filter. So yes I’m currently violating the rules by bypassing the filter and being on Reddit...

Assuming you are no longer Hasidic, what movie, food, bit of info has been your biggest eye-opener?

I’m still fully Hasidic, at last from the outside. But my views have radically changed the older I got and the more I was exposed to outside stuff. It wasn’t any particular movie, it was more death of a thousand paper cuts. It was more reading a lot of different views and listening to all kinds different opinions over podcasts etc. If I can name one book on top of my head it’s, Ellie Wiesel’s book Night. I remember reading it a few years back and it really shook my beliefs.

I’ve never tasted anything non kosher. Can bacon be an eye opener?... I’ve never tried.

I have a lot of issues with the hasidic community and how it, in my opinion, negatively depicts the greater jewish community, but Ill keep to something lighter. What is the rational behind everyone, including kids, wearing full on black suits with hats in 96 degree with massive humidity weather? I walk around Brooklyn and see the kids in the summer and feel so bad for them.

The original idea behind the dress code is to be different then everyone else. Another way not to assimilate. Through out the years it gained some layers and customs and it became something holy and something to be proud of. I remember hearing when I grew up, just like the London soldiers wear their uniforms no matter what weather, so do we. This is our uniform.

Do you think it is morally or ethically wrong to restrict the flow of information that Hasidim receive? If I understand you correctly, elders within the hasidic community are very careful about what the children are taught in school and what sources of info they can access, and may even teach hasidic youths to not trust the veracity of any information obtained from the secular world. Of course any parent wouldn't want their child exposed to obscenities, but at what point does the censorship become intellectually and/or developmentally restrictive?

They believe that morality comes from God and god want his chosen people to live this way. They believe the only way to survive so many years and not assimilate is by staying so insulated.

It’s not like parents themselves are educated and well aware what they’re doing, it’s a cycle that goes on for hundreds of years.

Do you regard yourself as American in any way?

Yes they teach us that we should be thankful to our government for giving us the freedom practicing our religion. (My teacher didn’t mention the welfare programs...)

Do you speak Yiddish as your first language, and what is the opinion of your community towards Israel?

Yes Yiddish is my first language. Even though I was born and raised in NY.

Most Hasidic jews don’t identify with Israel as a Jewish state due the fact of it being secular. Some sects like Satmer are really anti Israel as well.

What's your take on the book My Name is Asher Lev for people who don't fit in? Since it's written by a Rabbi (Chaim Potok) I'm assuming it's fairly accurate for its time, but how about today?

I didn’t read that book, but I’ve read his other book The Chosen. It’s one of my favorite books. Even though it was written over 50 years ago it’s still very accurate. I guess part of it, is probably because our community hasn’t changed much in a fundamental level in the last 50 years.

Do you still have curlywhirly sideburns?

Yes I do

Do you feel you need to keep them that way, religiously, or do you feel it's a necessity for keeping the peace in your family/community?

I’ll choose the latter...

I grew up in the suburbs of NYC in the town that has the village of Kiryas Joel with in it. I used to go to a women's only gym with my mom and we befriended a load of the Hasidic women who would attend. It was a real eye opener to see how many women were basically told they had no other choice but to marry and have children. The part I found most upsetting was my mother telling some of her friends how I became a nurse and helped people and one woman expressed disappointment that her daughter's would never achieve something like that, but she could not say that aloud in the community for fear of what people would say.

Are you from a similar community where you would have met and interacted with secular people? And if so, do you think this influenced you to get to know the secular world a little more? Would you want to pursue higher education for yourself or maybe your children (or future children?)

Thank you for this AMA by the way! I've always found Hasidim interesting!

Thanks for your kind words!

Yes I’m a from a similar community, in Brooklyn actually. I’ve never had just a long casual conversation with someone outside my community. My secular influence was mostly from the internet and books etc.

I always craved to get a higher education, I love intellectual topics. I honestly don’t know what will be will me with my children future. Although many kids in the community have very decent and happy lives and they make it work.

Because you still practice the religion from the outside, do you have any friends or hang out with people that are not Hasidic? Thanks.

I’ve friends that are on the same page as me. But I’ve never had a real life friend outside my community.

Are there significant differences between Hasidic communities? Do they observe different customs and traditions, or would one be able to move comfortably between them? Thank you!

I would differ a little with the other responses. Although compared to non Hasidic jew we’re mostly the same, there’s a lot of little differences between the Hasidic sects. A lot of them hate each other and would never marry each like Satmer usually wouldn’t marry a someone from Belz. There also different types of dresses or hats for different sects.

I use to see a skinny hasidic kid workout at frenchies gym in williamsburg, at first he worked out in full garb, but eventually had sneakers and some muscles after a year or so.

was he breaking the rules coming there? I always wondered.

It’s usually not the typical kid that would do that and have access to gym. The average Hasidic teenager spends the entire day studying talmud in Yeshiva.

Is the Netflix doc One of Us accurate?

It’s definitely a good introduction to Hasidim. You got to remember that its a documentary. I think some aspects they got right and some not so. It’s also more a documentary about three people leaving then a documentary about the entire Hasidic community.

Why does everyone I run into (a good amount live be me) seem so rude, they don’t say when I say hi back don’t thank me for holding doors etc... ?

It comes from being insulated and never being exposed to non jews. I have to admit that I myself still can act like that.... if you’re born and raised so distant it becomes part of your conscious. You can feel afraid and awkward to speak to someone on the outside.

I respect all humans equally.

Hey, my question is: have you heard of Footsteps (an organization that assists people who wish to leave or explore leaving ultra-Orthodoxy), what do you think of them, and have you ever considered using their services?

Yes of course I’ve heard of them . I know from outside what they provide but I don’t know anyone personally that used them.

The of using checking them out has crossed my mind but it never materialized.

What's your favorite sandwich?

Gefilte Fish sandwich (I just said it because I’m jewish, really it’s a regular egg sandwich)

Thanks for doing this! Question: What rule/custom about the Hasidic community/culture bothers you the most? Which the hardest for most people to abide by? And why?

Me particularly, that I don’t have the choice to make my own decisions and voice my independent opinions. I’m surrounded by people that have a very small world view and I don’t find common ground.

I would guess the hardest rules for most Hasidim are the sexual ones. You’re not allowed to look at women, mastubate, you have to wait till you get married to have sex. And even then there’s a lot of rules about sex. Like women shave their heads, it’s only allowed in pitch dark etc

Do all women shave their heads? I've heard that a lot just cover up their natural hair.

In general most Hasidic woman shave their heads, they don’t even feel like they have a choice.

Homeless and bums often harass Hasidic Jews and rudely ask for money on the subway, is it true that Hasidic Jews HAVE TO give money as a rule?

No it’s not true.

I am deeply drawn to the Hasidic community and have often considered converting. How are sincere converts viewed?

Converting is possible and when it done correctly it accepted as sincere. But to be totally honest, it’s almost impossible for outsider to become fully part of the community. We evolved to a very elite community within our selves, that it’s almost impossible for someone on the outside to be accepted from a social standpoint.

What are you doing here? Aren't you afraid we'll corrupt you?

Hey I might corrupt you for all you know...