I was an intersex living in Oman. AMA

Didn't you have a say on whether you are girl or a boy?

Yes and no. I was consulted, but the ultimate decision was made by my father and the doctors.

So you feel good about that decision?

Yes and no again. I was confused. The doctors made it very clear that I could never live as a normal man or woman if I did not have the corrective surgery. The chromosomes and internal reproductive organs all point to the way that I am a female. All people concerned agreed with that and said the only way out was to have the corrective surgery. I was reluctant, but at the same time wished to live a normal life.

Do you ever intend to marry? Or will working at home be your personal duty in life?

Yes, I intend to get married. I wish so.

Before you had the operation and had your identity documents changed, did you want to get married and did you picture yourself marrying a woman? Based on your previous responses I'm assuming you wish to marry a man at this point. What was it like to change your outlook on life like that?

I did feel a little bit attract to girls before and did have picture myself marrying a woman. But all those are past tense. I would say the change are somewhat natural and gentle when going with time and my recognition of myself.

Thanks for doing this AMA. It's really interesting!

When discussing the gender, were you asked if you're attracted to women or men? Was it even a point to discuss?

Would you say that your environment is accepting the situation and treating it normally?

I was never asked if I was attracted to women or men. That was not even a point to discuss. My father and the doctors all thought that I would be a normal girl after the surgery. And indeed even I myself was not sure on that at that time.

It can be said that ambiguity is not accepted by my environment and every person is either a man or a woman. When there is ambiguity, the opinion of the doctors and the religious counselors would be determinative.

My question was whether you felt the environment is accepting unambiguous you now and treating you normally as a regular woman.

Yes, I do feel all those around, my family, my relatives and my neighbors now all treat me normally as a woman. I also have all my identity documents changed.

Fantastic! Did you pick your new name yourself? :)

No, my parents picked the new name for me.

Do you realize that in many parts of the world you would have been given the choice of when, or even if whether or not, you wanted the surgery?

There are many, many intact intersexed individuals living with happiness. Do you feel like you were robbed of the power to choose for yourself?

In many parts of the world yes, but there are also many other parts of the world no. There are only male and female here, no in between. And what determine a person's gender here is not his or her mental preference, but his or her actual physical self. XX chromosomes and having female reproductive organs absolutely mean female.

You say you were born with ambiguous genitals, but then the doctors confirmed you had female genitals and you were in fact female. How is that ambiguous?

My external genital is ambiguous. I had a "functional" tiny penis which the urethra passed through and was able to get erection but instead was an enlarged clitoris. At the same time, I also had an opening down there.

Thank you for your reply. Another possibly too personal question, but are you able to get pregnant and give birth?

Yes, the doctors say yes.

I have period and that means my ovaries function normally and I am able to get pregnant and give birth.

So you were raised being told you were a boy and your whole life you had an "opening down there"? Did you ever wonder what that opening was, or did you assume everybody had one, or did you always know you were "ambiguous"?

Also, why did your father choose for you to be a boy when you would've had such a tiny little penis? Was it because a son is more sought after in your culture than a daughter or did he think you would have a better life as a boy?

I find it very interesting that your body told you what your dominate sex was, and it was discovered that you have XX chromosomes, while in the west we have people who try to claim whether or not a person is male or female is all in their head, like it is something for them to decide for themselves and act like biology plays no role. If the choice was all yours, do you think you would've followed your body's cues and gone female, or done something to stay male?

Thank you for this AMA, very interesting.

Somewhat wonder, but was so ashamed to ask and discuss with others. My parents never talked about that with me before my body went feminine.

You may be right. A son is more sought after in our culture than a daughter. Generally speaking parents always value son more than daughter.

May be the culture and the reality here are much different from the west. What determine a male and a female is not the mental state, but biology and the physical state. I did not really have a choice because I did have a female body.

You said you "noted I was somewhat different from other boys". Did you question whether you were a boy or not at that age or was the difference merely from a physical point of view?

Second question: do you question your role as a woman now? Or do you question the general role of women in your country?

I would say the difference merely from a physical point of view. I was brought up as a boy since I know boys and girls are different and never have seriously thought about the question before my body began to go feminine.

I did question my role as a woman at the beginning, but already adapted to my role now. Questioning my role as a woman or questioning the general role of women in my society will only bring more difficulty.

Are you happy? Both with your gender assignment and in general?

Has marriage come up? Would your father arrange a marriage or are you free to marry?

Thank you.

I don't know whether I am happy or not, but so far so good and life is just fine.

It would very likely be arranged by my parents. It is still the norm here.

Not going by what the doctors or your father think- do you personally feel more male or female?

I didn't know. I was confused. I was a little bit girlish but if you ask me whether I did feel more male or female I could not answer you in very sure. I understood boy is more superior than girl in our society and I was afraid of the change.

This is a fascinating story, thank you for sharing it with us! I'm curious about whether you 'feel like' a woman now--and how that's different to how you felt before? Do you see the same face and body in the mirror as before? What did you think of your looks when you thought you were a man--and how do you feel about them as a woman?

I don't know whether I "feel like" a woman now. I do totally recognize I am a woman. I do see a woman when I look in the mirror. I has a female body. I has menstruation and premenstrual syndrome every month and that repeatedly reminding me I am a woman. I adapt to the women's clothing. I feel uncomfortable when going out without covering my whole body and face. I speak more slowly and less forcefully than when I was a boy. I do become more submissive and dependent in character. I recognize I am weaker than men and need the protection of men. I feel like I am less clever and less useful.

That sounds so sad to me. This whole ama feels filled with sadness to me. Of course, being a woman in the West, I feel sadness for all women who live in such a strong patriarchal society like you do. I hope you have happiness and love in your life. I wish you happiness and love now and for all your years to come!

Thank you very much.

So when you masturbated, what happened? In non-ambiguous males, ejaculation occurs but you don't have a vas deferens and all that, so from the few times you did, what happened?

No ejaculation. Just sense of orgasm and felt very comfortable.

Do you think that your experience being a boy and later being a girl will affect how you raise your future children? Do you feel you understand men more than other women because you have experience how life as a male would be?

May be, I don't know.

Indeed I am trying my best to throw away all the thinking and memory as a male.

How has the surgery affected your sensuality? Did you ever have sex or masturbate before the surgery, and if so how has that changed? Is it more difficult to achieve orgasm now than before?

I never had sex, before or after the surgery. Honestly speaking I did and do have masturbate. You are somewhat right, it is more difficult for me to achieve orgasm now than before during masturbation.

Do you miss having both genitalia? Are you attracted to one sex more than another? Is it normal in your culture to live at home at your age, and do you want to continue living there?

I do somewhat miss having a penis-thing. It was more convenient, especially when going to toilet. It is also a sign of manhood.

I did a little bit feel attraction to girl, but actually never seriously thought about the issue of attraction before when I was a boy. Now I am a girl and I well understand I am going to marry a husband.

Yes, it is normal here to live at home with own family before marriage. No matter boys or girls, we seldom live alone before marriage.

When you were considered to be a male, were you allowed to go placed unaccompanied? Or were you still required to go with your eldest brother or father like you do now?

I was allowed to go outside with my friends without the accompany of my brothers or father since the age of 12.

Was there a test your parents could of done at birth to determine what sex you would of identified with as you got older? For example, a blood test to reveal that you had xx chromosomes or an ultra sound etc?

I don't know, but I had never done any such test before. I may say that my parents were reluctant to face the issue unless it could no longer be ignored.

Has anything change to whom you feel attracted to? and to what sex did you feel attracted to before?

I did a little bit feel attracted to girls before. Now I am a woman and I well understand I will get married with a man and have a husband. That is my life.

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Truly previously as a boy I had a lot of freedom. My father and mother were not very strict to me and my brothers. We were free to do many things as we liked and never been requested to assist in household chores.

Now I am a girl. I do lose a lot of freedom and are kept at home. My brothers are able to have higher education after secondary school but I don't have the chance. I have to get permission from my father or my eldest brother nearly for everything in daily life.

It was very difficult at first but that change with time. That is a matter of adaption and recognition of my role and position. As time goes on I am more and more adapt to all those changes and feel easy with that.

Indeed, women ares weaker than men and need the protection of men. In our social norm men should be strong and are there to guide and lead and women should be gentle and soft and to follow and serve. Woman and man have different role and position in the society and the family and like it or not we have to live with our social norm.

I hope you are happy with the cards you've been dealt in life is pretty much all I can say. Were the tables turned and I in your position I couldn't even fathom how I'd feel. Try and remember you can do anything you set your mind mind to and this isn't the 50's.

Thanks