I am comedian and actor Kumail Nanjiani. You might know me as Dinesh from SILICON VALLEY, waiter / cell phone salesman from PORTLANDIA, Prismo from ADVENTURE TIME. AMA!

What's it like working with Jim Parsons on Big Bang Theory?

Edit: referring to this people... https://twitter.com/kumailn/status/586678680576925696

Couldn't be nicer.

I just wish my bank would confuse me with Kunal Nayyar sometimes.

Didn't you write The Lady in Red?

Can we expect you back on Harmontown soon!?

Very soon hopefully! I love doing the show and haven't been able to of various reasons unfortunately. But I hope to come bacon within the new 2 episodes.

edit: you monsters

The Comedy Bang Bang episode you were on recently with the Silicon Valley crew was the funniest thing I've heard in months. Was there any prep for that or was it completely improvised?

Fully improvised. I just love trying to paint Thomas in a corner and see him wriggle out of it. He's so quick and fearless.

What was your favorite part of working on Adventure Time?

P.S. I love you Prismo.

I loved that he's this God-like character but really has the vibe of a chill, very nice, kinda lonely guy. I loved the juxtaposition of that. Other than, the folks who run that show are the coolest. I would go back to that show a 100 times.

How long would it have taken TJ Miller to jerk off all 800 guys?

Faster and slower than you think.

Do you think you could take Maron in a fight?

yes

Do your parents still own that VCR?

Nope. I ruined it forever.

Hi Kumail! Love all of your work but I feel like I need to give a special shout-out to the Meltdown TV show, which is honestly the best standup showcase I've ever seen. So much comedy gets crammed into those 22 minutes, it's really amazing and I can't wait until the next season.

You were a part of the comedy scene in Chicago that ended up producing so many amazingly talented people (yourself, Pete Holmes, TJ Miller, Kyle Kinane, a million more names). Is there anything you can think of that was specific to that scene other than the people in it that nurtured so much great comedy?

Yes, it's amazing how many funny people are people I started comedy with in Chicago. We didn't really have great audiences, so only comics would watch other comics. So the emphasis was on originality and finding your voice. Nobody cared how you did in front of the audience. You just had to be original. Hopefully we've carried that out of chicago and are still doing it.

Did you take any of the Bitch sunglasses from Portlandia for yourself?

I wanted to. But they were like $300. A local artist made them. No joke. So yeah. Too expensive for an ironic purchase.

Hey Kumail, I'm a big fan of your work.

I know you are busy with so many podcasts and tv shows, but are you planning on releasing another album or touring any time soon?

Also, how great is it to be able to work with your wife?

I really wanna do another hour special. It's one o my main priorities. Can be hard to find time to tour but I really wanna do that within the next year.

My wife is smarter than me, funnier than me, better looking then me. I feel like I found a cheat code to my life.

A story I've wanted to hear on Indoor Kids but maybe I missed it... How did you and Emily meet?

She heckled me at a comedy show in Chicago. Lincoln Lodge. It's a restaurant with a big Lincoln head outside it. I was like "She's cute." Looked for her after the show but she was so embarrassed she left. Two days later I run into her at a bar. "you're the girl that heckled me." We talked, I asked her out. She said no. Then I got a text from her two days later. "Let's get platonic lunch." We made out outside a falafel restaurant and here we are today.

Kumail! I'm a huge fan of your acting and the podcast with Emily. If you and the cast of Silicon Valley were in Game of Thrones, what characters would you be?

Oh my god. You just got me so excited just thinking about it. I know on of the creators is a big fan of SV. ummm.... I would love to be a lost Targaryen. A new one nobody knows about it. And they think I'm a major force but I die in the first episode by slipping on my own sword.

What can you tell us about the new season of Silicon Valley?

It's fantastic. Remember how Tech Crucnh Disrupt became the mains storyline. This season there are 2 big storylines that emerge and criss cross each other and come together right on the last episode. The last episode is so good and intense. It's like an action movie. For real. It's genuinely suspenseful.

When is X-Files Files coming back? It was the podcast that introduced me to The X-Files and catapulted me into the world of aliens. I absolutely adored watching along with you (rewatching, since I watched it all before you finished season 1 on the podcast) and listening to your comedic jabs and insightful ideas about the episodes.

This week! I have already recorded an episode for Home, one of my favorite episodes of all time. Did that with Jared Logan and Emily (The old horror movie group.) Glen Morgan will come on and talk about it too. Recording season 3 finale/season 4opener tomorrow with Devin.

Hi, as a fellow Pakistani, it makes me so happy you're doing our people well by being awesome and successful!

Are you influenced by any South Asian parts of pop culture, like ridiculous Bollywood movies, or do you feel mostly immersed and attached to American culture after living in the U.S. for so long? Or even a mix of both?

Man I haven't seen a Bollywood movie in such a long time. I grew up on those. Of course I'ms sure it's a part of me somewhere. You knew a new Amitabh movie had come out when there was a line out the video store.

I try and be in touch with all sides if I can.

Hello, I imagine the time where comedians like you, Pete Holmes, Kyle Kinane, TJ Miller, and others in Chicago were filled with crazy stories. Can you mention any?

I remember one time Kyle and I were doing a show in Chicago. We went out to smoke outside and these prostitutes would not leave us alone. They saw I Was too terrified, but they saw Kyle, drunk as he was, and were like "Hey you want some vitamins?" I was so scared. Kyle was laughing. They were trying to undo his pants. He was too drunk to fight them off. I finally got Kyle away. We ate Subway. Crashed at my place. The next day Kyle woke up, saw the Subway cup and was like "We went to Subway last night?" I Was like. "Dude. There is so much more I have to tell you."

I noticed you tweeted on the X-Files Files a while back about Gillian Anderson considering doing the podcast. Are there any updates on that?

She said she wants to do it but she's out of the country. She wanted to do it on Skype but I wanna wait so we can do it face to face. I feel like that'll just make me slightly less nervous.

Hey Kumail big fan.

I think Silicon Valley has the best comedy cast in television. You guys pretty much all knew each other from stand-up and improv, I was wondering how you guys all became involved in the show?

Also how is working with Mike Judge compared to other shows you've worked on?

I just auditioned for it. I honestly auditioned to play Erlich. Mike didn't think I was right for that part, but he liked me and said he'd write in a new part for me. but I was shocked when he did. I remember when I got that phone call. I had just gotten off a plane. I was so happy I almost cried.

Mike is the nicest, chillest dude. He likes to laugh, which is a great quality in a comedy genius. So many comedy people don't laugh. He loves to laugh and he gets giddy directing a scene. So cool to watch him.

Huge fan of you on Portlandia! Did you help write the scenes you were in? What sort of shenanigans did you get into with Fred and Carrie on set?

Every scene I've been in has been full improvised. So they come up with the premise, tell me, I research it, and then we come in and just play around. It's the hardest I'v ever laughed on a set.

Why do so many comedians film their specials in Austin and San Fran? I'm not knocking it just curious!

They're perfect cities because the crowds are smart, but it's not LA and NY where crowds are jaded because of how many awesome comics they see all the time.

In Beta Male, you said that Pakistani knock off birthday song is "Happy B'day, Thank you very much.". I've had this stuck in my head for weeks. I have been unable to find a recording of it. Do you know a link where I can access the Pakistani knock off birthday song?

I CANT FIND IT EITHER!

What's it like doing the 'nerdier'/'technical' dialogue in Silicon Valley? Do you guys have someone coach you on how things are pronounced/said?

Does it feel like you're just spouting gibberish technobabble sometimes?

It ca be hard but we try and figure out what it means. We have a guy on set whose whole job is to give us that stuff and make sure we're not putting a "the" in there when it should be there.

Love Silicon Valley and your podcast on the Nerdist network.

How many times has someone come up to you and said something like "mean jerk time" and how many times has someone nearby give a look wondering what the hell that meant?

People ask me what my d2f is all time. (Dick to floor ratio.) It can be strange if I'm with someone who doesn't know the show. Lot to explain.

Hi Kumail!

Awhile ago on a podcast (probably You Made It Weird) you mentioned that you were working on a movie with or for Judd Apatow (I think), any updates on that?

Also, is it weird that the internet knows so much about you and your friends?

We just finished the script and are looking for directors right now! Trying to get it going this summer. It's a tall order but it seems possible.

I need a Human Bandwidth Manager. Can you help me out?

YEs. Participating in a Reddit AMA means you're heading in the wrong direction.

When you did stand-up on Letterman Paul Shaffer played you in with “Born In The USA” did you think that was a weird choice?

No! Actually, I am a massive Bruce Springsteen fan and asked for that song! Never realized it might come across as... weird.

Hey Kumail! Curious what your experience was like at GC? Did you get started in comedy in Chicago, college, or before that?

Pumped for Silicon Valley tonight!! You and Guilfoyle are the best part of the show

I did stand up there twice my senior year.

It was an awesome experience. I'm glad I went there first. Helped me get acclimatized to the US. I love living in cities but that was a perfect intro to America.

Hey, loved you on Burning Love! Can you talk about what's it like making something like that with so many funny people. Looks like a lot of fun! Is it?

It really is. It's intimidating. Everyone is the funniest person you've ever met. So you just kinda have to put your head and down and try and hang with them. What helps is that everyone was so nice and supportive. I'd love to do more.

Hi Kumail, do you have any funny stories from your time working in IT at uchicago?

I used to sleep in the closet. After months of doing this, I found a security camera in there. Never made eye contact with the guard since.

What's it really like playing the part of "token brown guy" sometimes? I remember a day or two when Salon mixed up you and Kunal Nayya the thought crossed my mind that it's quite a trope in TV today. Are you conflicted sometimes with certain jokes or setups?

I try not to do anything that's like "he's funny cuz he's brown." And I think I've done a good job of seeking out characters that are specific and their ethnicity is part of them, rather than being their defining characteristic.

Hey Kumail!

Big fan. I have a couple questions.

1. How do you go about getting in the mindset of a programmer for Silicon Valley? Do you have an interest in software or was it a bit of a reach for you to get into that role?

2. Are you going to make a cameo on any of the new X Files episodes? You must make that happen.

1. I used to design websites. So yeah I know some stuff.

2. PO!U)DHOIHD))DU)*(HoiJ&BN!!! (yes)

If you could pick anyone (and they'd automatically say yes), who would you pick to come be a guest on The Indoor Kids?

---

Thanks for doing an AMA. Your work is awesome and I'm looking forward to more Silicon Valley and Meltdown.

Miyamoto. I mean come on.

How popular are the birthday monkeys today?

I believe Aloo Master is going strong.

Hey, Kumail! I've enjoyed you on Silicon Valley and @Midnight and Key & Peele, but I mostly know you as this guy that my friend Roger M. from Chicago claims to know. :) Whether or not he knows you, Roger's your very effective unofficial publicist -- I heard about you (and Emily) from him first and started paying attention.

So, what's your grand master plan? If you could wave your wand and be in the middle of your best project ever, what would that be?

Honestly, I'd love to be in the new X-Files, of course. Or I would love to playa super hero. I would love to combine some of my geeky interests in that way. Oh man.

Hey Kumail!

We miss you on Harmontown, especially with the addition of Curtis Armstrong recently, I think the two of you would be hillarious. I know your schedule has been really busy, but do you know when you will be able to return in the near future?

Gonna try make it tonight.

Why did you leave Franklin and Bash? In hindsight, it was a great move, but you may be part of the reason it was cancelled.

To do Silicon Valley.

Exactly when did Thomas Middleditch go off the rails on comedy bang bang? When you called China?

I knew he did an impression. So I steered the conversation towards it, to see what he would do. And, well, you saw what he did.

I had hiccups that whole day from laughing too hard.

Kumail, your X-Files podcast brings joy to my life. How do you feel about the show coming back for a miniseries? The last movie (I Want To Believe) had mixed reviews, so do you think they can manage to recapture the spirit of the original show?

I believe they can. SO many of the best writers are going back. Glen Morgan, James Wong, Darin Morgan. These are the people who made the show great. I have full faith in them and am just excited to watch 6 new episodes! "Mulder it's me."

In Silicon Valley with the scene with the stripper, what do you say to her in Hindi/Urdu?

"I really can't... I have to go into the other room."

Kumail, I met you and Thomas at FunfunfunFest in Austin, TX last November. I came running up to you guys like a weirdo as you were leaving the festival grounds. Later that weekend I read an interview with you about the festival and you mentioned that there were a lot of bearded weirdos (or beardos) in Austin. While this is true, were you talking about me? I hope you were.

We were specifically talking about you, you bearded weirdo.

Discovered you on Pandora love your style! Also thought that guy from Adventure Time sounded like you! Low and behold it was!

My question is, do you have any interest in making your own pickles?

Honestly... I hate pickles. Sorry.

Hey Kumail, question from a struggling standup. Im a brown guy in a very multicultural standup scene and everybody here does a bunch a (quite good) race humor. I dont however and I feel like I can't get more spots without talking in an Indian accent or about stereotypes. I'm pretty sure the answer here is just to be undeniably funny, but any other advice you can offer? Also are you coming to jfl Toronto this year?

Just be funny. That's all you can do. Do stuff you think is funny and not stuff that you think will get you success. Comedy is all about point of view. Work on that and nobody else can do what you do.

Hey Kumail,

Loved that bit about denims on Portlandia. Are you into jeans yourself?

Also, how did your parents take it when you married Emily?

That was the only sketch on Portlandia that I pitched them. I had the idea because I wanted jeans and went tot a denim store. Had no idea how intense it was. I said I don't cuff my jeans and the guy looked at me as I had printed a picture of his grandmother and spat on it. I texted Krisel (the director) that day.

You were HILARIOUS on Kroll Show. "You can shield your eyes from the sun, but you can't shield it from truth!" How was that experience and filming with Kroll and that cast?

Kroll is the nicest man. I met him years ago and he was so nice to me. The famous people who have been nicest to me without knowing me are Kroll and Sara Silverman. Though Kroll wasn't famous when I first met him.

Hi Kumail!

What goes into producing a show for the Meltdown TV series (congrats on a season 2!)? What's it like shooting an episode vs. just a regular show at the theater/comic book store? Is the lighting completely different, and are the cameras and recording equipment intrusive at all?

And any chance on Chris De Burgh crossing through the timesphere and bringing some Lady in Red to the Shadowrun proceedings?

Also Indoor Kids is the best. Just wanted to throw that out.

Our whole thing was to make it feel as much like the live show as possible. There are cameras, of course, but we try and keep them unobtrusive. Filming season 2 felt much closer to the live show than season 1 even. All the comics were like "It's just like doing the live show." That's the goal.

Kumail! I love The Indoor Kids, Harmontown, basically everything you do. My question is what is your favorite episode of The X-Files?

Follow up question: can I have your Xbox Gamertag?

Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose makes me cry every time.

And Home is a fantastic and intelligent episode. Underrated at how tight it is, thematically.

Did it take you long to realize that Martin Starr was Bill from Freaks and Geeks? or did you already know by the time you met him?

Martin has been one of my favorite actors since Freaks & Geeks. Bill Haverchuck is one of the greatest characters of all time. Human and vulnerable and sweet and hilarious. So I am thrilled that I get to work with Martin. He makes me want to be a better actor.

From your roll as the waiter in Portlandia, What appetizer would you recommend from that restaurant and why?

Cheese boat.

Hi Kumail,

Can you share a piece of advice you received that helped you during a tough time?

I would say just focus on the good stuff. Focus on the people who care about you and make your life better and of all the ways that you'v made the world better just by being around. And think of all the ways you will make it better in the future. It's easy to get stuck in the past sometimes. Happens to me too. But think about what's next rather than what's behind you.

Hi Kumail, who are you comedy idols? How old where you when you started doing stand up, and how old were you when you realized you wanted to make a career in comedy?

The ppl I thought were hilarious were Seinfeld, Zach Galifianakis, Jake Johannsen, Woody Allen. I started comedy cuz of them.

I honestly never "decided" to make a career in comedy. I knew I Wanted to pursue it senior year of college. I loved it so much that the idea of not trying it physically hurt. I remember having these panic moments. "How can I be so serious about something that's meant to not be taken seriously." I moved from Chicago to NY in 2007. I guess that's when I really decided to pursue it full time.

Can you really write Java?

used to be able to. Object Oriented Programming ft.!

What's the vibe like on the Portlandia set? Are you improvising some of your scenes and lines or do Fred and Carrie give you a lot of direction?

It's a lot of improv. The director, John Krisel, is the unsung genius of that show. He's guiding the improv and running the show. He gives me a lot of direction. We do long 40 minute takes and have the scene done in like 2 hours. It's fantastic.

You play awkward nerd extremely well. Who do you model your character off of?

Me on a bad day.

Would you rather marry Gillian Anderson or be David Duchovny's best friend?

I'm ok just being best friends with both of them. Is that an ok counter-offer?

What was your favourite scene to film in Silicon Valley?

The satanist scene was a blast. So funny and weird and unique.

Hey! Huge fan. My question is: of all the characters in Sillicon Valley, who would you most want to be friends with, and who would you most want to murder?

Friends: Richard

Murder: Gilfoyle natch

What's Amanda Crew like? She's always been my celebrity crush.

So nice. Crazy nice.

I'm so excited for Season 2 tonight. Have you and Emily thought about doing twitch streaming like Thomas Middleditch or join him on his stream one day?

We have! I wanna do BLoodborne on there.

Obviously this may seem a silly question seeing as though season 2 hasn't even started yet but is there any chance of a season 3 as far as you're concerned? :)

I HOPE SOOOOOO

Hi kumail. I am someone who likes turtles, what are your thoughts on turtles?

i like turtles

Of all of the stand-ups who have recorded specials at The Meltdown, who was the hardest to work with and why is it Dave Anthony?

Because he's the most curmudgeonly person in America.

Considering your name, are you an Indian?

My last name, I believe, is a Hindu last name. My family used to live on the Indian side before the partition.

What is your favourite video game and why isn't it Burnout 3: Takedown?

It is! Man I love that game!

Hi kumail, I just met Gillian Anderson in Dubai comic con, and got her to sign my definitive collection of the x files , you ever think of coming to Dubai or maybe even Dubai comic con?

Was she nice??!

Hi Kumail, first of all:

Is there any X-Files' joke/reference in the second season of Silicon Valley?

Secondly: How's it possible that you have never watched Millennium? It's one of the 10 best TV-Series ever made, the first season is an innovative masterpiece! Are you going to start watching it soon?

I tried to sneak it in but it never worked!

Glen Morgan, that wonderful man, sent me Millennium on DVD. I'mw watching some today.

Would you say you get recognized on the street more often now? Does it bother you when fans ask for a photo or anything like that?

I love when people know me from something and like what I do. Are you kidding? People telling you they like your work is the best! I am totally ow with doing photos with people as long as they are ice and ask politely. Some people will kinda come on really aggressive. Don't do that. Just be nice and I'd be happy to geta pic with you.

I really enjoyed your "This Is Not Happening" performance for Comedy Central, and I have just one question... with a role in a hilarious TV show and your fame from comedy, would you say that you are finally cool? Like, sing along to Informer cool? What does Walid think about this?

I was terrified when I recently found out Walid had listened to that bit. Yikes/

Hey Kumail. Don't you think Wade Randolph is one of the best?

HE'S THE GREATEST

Hey Kumail, Big Fan of the podcast and love Silicon Valley. My question is what is it like to be in circles with a bunch of comedians? Knowing all these hilarious people? Are their shows and podcasts influential in your own work?

Yeah I get to be friends with the funniest people in the world. It's amazing. I love watching my friends do stuff. They're so good at it. Schumer, Kroll, Jeselnik, Pete, Kinane, TJ, Hannibal... TOO MUCH

How's Emily?

GREAT!

Would you rather fight one hundred horses that are the size of hamsters or ten hamsters that are the size of horses?

Hundred tiny horses. I got that shit.

Hi! Big fan of Silicon Valley, but I loved your character on Broad City, do you have any more appearances planned for the future?

Meltdown comes back for season 2 in July. Being on a regular show means you aren't contractually allowed to do too many other shows. But hopefully I get to do to Porltandia again. Oh, and i'm going to be on Inside Amy Schumer this season. The sketch we did was mind-blowing. (I had nothing to do with how mind-blowing it was.)

Thanks for alerting me to the existence of Don Bradman Cricket. I played Brian Lara Cricket back on the original xbox. It has some great reviews. Is batting really difficult? My dad is a big cricket fan, but not a game player, do you think he would like it? My friends and I are going to pick it up.

Bump down the difficulty and the batting becomes easier.