Colin Quinn. What do YOU care? AMA.

Hey Colin, long time fan. I just wanted to ask, what are you up to now that your career is over?

Sir, my career is not over. And to state that it is well, that's really inappropriate on this forum. In fact, I'd like to stab you repeatedly.

Do you ever lie awake at night wondering how different your career trajectory would have been if the director of Crocodile Dundee 2 would have just listened?

No but I bet Paul Hogan does.

What was your reaction to being placed in the bottom 6 of the Rolling Stones list of all SNL cast members?

I was thrilled to be included in the bottom six of the Rolling Stone list of SNL cast members. Thanks for reminding me.

Hello, Colin. I'm a big fan, and especially enjoyed Tough Crowd. This one's a two-parter. First, would you ever consider a re-boot of that format? Second, if you did re-boot it, what younger comedians would you want to have on the panel? Thanks for doing this!

Tough Crowd would be great especially with all the new comedians around but I'm not going to do it myself because it looks like Im a one trick pony which I am but...

Hey Colin I was wondering what is your favorite band and why is it the sick fukin puppies?

My favorite band is the Beatles. I thought they had some great songs especially from 1963 to 1970.

Carlin or Pryor?

Carlin or Pryor is impossible to answer. Like asking if I prefer Sunni or Shiite. They both have such amazing insights and their messages resonate with me.

Hey Colin Quinn. I am thinking about taking a new job in an unfamiliar area, what's your advice on making big changes in your life?

My advice is when you move to a new area, put a rolled up newspaper under your shirt, knock on your neighbors doors and when they open it let them see the bulge under your shirt and tell them "this is what's up now". Then wink and snap your fingers and walk away.

How do you keep your twitter so fresh and trendy?

I keep twitter fresh by following some of the latest events in the news. For example, I understand there's a big NCAA bracket. I haven't lost yet. So people look to me for leadership in that regard.

Do you consider Norm Macdonald a genius? Would you have him on your show?

I don't know what constitutes a "genius" but Norm Macdonald is as funny and brilliant as anyone in comedy that's a given. If anyone is a genius he would fall into that category, though. I would have him on the show in a heartbeat.

I heard you're something of a bookworm, Col. What are some of your favorites?

I like to read funny books. I said Confederacy already but Don Quixote is funny and Lolita is funny. Just read Richard Price The Whites (not funny) but it was great.

Also what's up with your legs? Were you like burned as a kid or something?

No my legs were not burned as a kid. They just happen to be unnervingly thin. Paul Newman had skinny legs but nobody busted his balls.

Will Unconstitutional become a special sometime soon?

Unconstitutional will be a special soon. Where or when I don't know. If worse comes to worse I will release it on Reddit.

How's Jerry doing these days?

Jerry is broke. So he's going through a weird time right now.

Any tips in regards to stand up comedy that you would like to share?

Tell your life stories and add the jokes in. You will be original. All you have in stand up is you and the way you view things.

Your stand up was the inspiration for so many TV shows (Girls, Modern Family, Big Bang Theory) so when will you get your own network sitcom?

I'm actually doing a sitcom coming out soon. It's about a man who moves into an ant colony and all the drama that occurs because of the culture and lifestyle clashes that you would imagine.

Do you think it is wise for comedians to date other comedians?

I think comedians dating other comedians is great. But not if one is a hack and one is good. Or if they have a kid who's a hack.

How do you feel after those burns from Dolph Ziggler and Amy Schumer?

I felt they were uncalled for and out of line. But what can you do. Some people are gonna be like that. Taylor Swift says it best.

You're the best Col. You have talked for years about your "manifestos" and anyone who sees your work knows how well read/well spoken you are. Can't wait for "The Coloring Book"

1. Do you have any tips/techniques you use for writing you could bestow on us.

   1. Do you JUST write whatever comes to you in any form or do you specifically plan to write a script or standup bit or prose
   2. Any good book recommendations? I loved the podcast you did with Kevin Pang and because of that I got into Eugene O'Neil and probably would have never picked him up if not for you.

I would say read a Confederacy of Dunces. It's the funniest book ever IMHO and I tried to get Patrice to read it but of course he just looked at me like I asked him to lend me money.

[deleted]

Because I'm a rude entitled ass.

Did anyone ever tell Marion she looks like Dusty Rhodes?

I always felt that Marion had more of a Bobby the Brain Heenan hairdo in that it never really moves.

Favorite non-goodfellas movie of all time?

In The Heat of The Night, On the Waterfront, Millers Crossing, The Roaring Twenties, Midnight Cowboy, The Heartbreak Kid (the original) and more..

Tolstoy or Dostoyevsky?

Dostoyevsky. I guess. That's a tough one. It's like the Carlin and Pryor question.

How often do you meet new people who ask you to tell you a joke off the top of your head, or requests to make them laugh?

And do you like or despise such people?

People do ask you to tell jokes when you are a comedian. They are either dumb or hostile. Or dumb and hostile. I usually just assume they mean well but are dumb. But when you tell them a joke they don't laugh which is infuriating.

When are you gonna put a book out col?

My book is Coloring Book it's out in June.

Why did you wear such tight jeans in that old HBO special you did? I couldn't even finish watching it, your ridiculous get-up made me so uncomfortable. I was embarrassed for you!

I see. Well you weren't around in the early 90's. I was cutting edge.I picked that outfit out myself and I wish I looked like that now.

What's your favorite George Carlin album and why is it Occupation Foole? #GTKRWN #PPWW

It's not Occupation Foole. That had some good moments but Class Clown was a monster! It allowed millions of Irish Catholics to laugh at their trauma. Now it's a given but that was the first really funny reflection of American Catholic childhood.

Can you please shut down your Twitter account?

I will shut down my twitter account when everyone else that says insipid and boring things does.

Big fan, I've been dickriding for years.

I wanted to ask about your book "The Coloring Book." I understand your a Comedian, thus, the book probably has some funny points, but I'm wondering if you made any legitimate arguments about race using historical data or statistics.

Will your book, to any degree, be read in a College class somewhere, and then be analyzed for its poignant arguments and use of historical documents. Or is it just a completely opinionated book with pseudo statistics.

I'm interested in the book either way, but if you touched on different defining moments in American history in regards to race I'd like it even more. For example, if you cited some Supreme Court cases such as, Plesse v. Ferguson, People v. Hall, Ozawa v. U.S etc., I would be even more interested in your book.

Main point: Are you just fucking around with the issue of race, or are you doing the former as well as providing historical & legal data to contextualize the information and validate your statements?

No my book is not a serious treatise on race. It's just my life experience with all the various ethnicities in New York. But it's more of a cultural anthropology written by a man who's too important to do research.