Fred Armisen & Carrie Brownstein! Awards for anyone up on the west coast! Ask us anything!

Can I put up a question for the /r/science section? Do we know more about history now or did they know more about history better back then because they were closer to the time? In other words, what was a history lesson like in the year 1450?

Like, do we know more because we've unearthed more FACT, or did they know more because they were closer to the time?

I'll just leave that out there.

Calling /r/AskHistorians! I'm assuming they all get notified when I link this. Otherwise, we're kind of outta luck.

That'd be great.

How about this: who knows more about the pyramids. US, or people 100 years after the pyramids? The people for whom it was more recent? Like, I actually don't know the answer.

I think this involves 2 different kinds of knowing. One is experiential, and one is forensic. One has the benefit of time, which allows perspective, and critical analysis, and one has the benefit of oral history and tradition that feels very recent.

Cuz there must've been a million stories that just evaporated because of time.

i know a lot about the food pyramid.

Does that still exist? it seems like something from the 1950's.

Do people yell cacao at you in the streets?

ALL. THE. TIME.

It's actually very nice, very sweet.

People will also post photos on instagram just saying Cacao. Like, all the time.

Portland is suing pbr. Is it a hipster civil war?

I am not aware of this.

I will research it.

What would it take to get a Liz and Liz Publizity crossover with Toni and Candice at Women and Women First?

We'd do it in a second!

Toni & Candice want to do publicity for those guys.

Yeah, they would want to be their publicists.

When and where will I receive this time-honoured award for being up on the west coast?

This message is an official CERTIFICATE!

Awarding you for your efforts and loyalty!

Print it out, sign our names...

Fred-o-vision: http://imgur.com/4NVJqXG

Can you tell me a bit more about my chicken?

Your chicken was... a friendly sort.

A dominant chicken in the chicken pecking order.

Why don't we give that one to you?

He was raised by cats.

I love those "animal friends" videos. Did you ever see the one of the Tiger & the Bear who are friends? They're adults now.

Monkeys with cats is interesting.

It always seem so precarious. They don't know.

We're overly careful with them. But cats don't care.

Hi! I'm a huge fan of you both. If you ever visit Melbourne, Australia, the drinks are on me :)

Fred: If Nina were to be proposed to by Lance, how would Nina prefer it to be done?

Carrie: If you had to be neighbours with one or two of the show's characters, who would you like to be neighbours with and why?

Both: Which 'Portlandia' skit took the longest to film due to an inability to hold back laughter?

• Caitlin.

I have a definite one and that is "No Olympics in Portland." We were supposed to run down the street with fake torches, saying "No Olympics in Portland", and for some reason we just kept on laughing.

It went to the level where the crew didn't find it charming. It was a simple thing to shoot, really simple.

That's very accurate.

I don't know why.

Coincidentally, this is something that happens in season 5. And I'll just say that it's all about... making a video of a proposal.

You guys are basically the best humans. In life, how can I find the Fred to my Carrie or vice versa?

I would say that person's probably already in your life.

That's like a Wizard of Oz answer, right?

What does Kyle Maclachlan smell like?

OH!

A little aftershave. Very clean.

If I saw you on the street and confessed my love for you, would it creep you out?

If it involved bodily fluids, yes. Otherwise, no.

I'm always fine with it.

Hi! Big fan. Once I was in a high school play and I had the opening monologue. I forgot all of the words and it was awful. Has anything like that ever happened to either of you?

I was never asked to do a monologue at your school, so...

But I'm open to doing it.

Hey Fred and Carrie! My question for you both: do you have a favorite costume/wig?

For some reason, I like the... eco-terrorists.

Or the gutter punks? A hat with a little wisp of hair?

Fred, how and when did you know guitar playing Carrie Brownstein was a comical genius?

Immediately. As soon as we started coming with ideas, and performing, I saw it immediately.

If you were stranded on a desert island, would you still make Portlandia from there? What about if it were just a regular island, like Oahu or something? Is this a dumb thing to ask?

It's a very, very intelligent question.

We get asked this all. The. Time.

We get asked at airports...

My doctor asked me just the other day if i was on a desert island, would I still do PORTLANDIA...

The FBI called me the other day with that question...

The President asked me once, through his advisors...

I would classify that as non-dumb.

I would classify it as "non-dumb."

I think it's an innocent question. A sweet question. An American question.

And I think we have to continue with the AMA, so I can't get to the answer yet, but some other time.

Did you get to see that new Michael Keaton movie....uhh...what's it called?

BIRDMAN! We loved it!

2 Thumbs up! 4 thumbs up!

Who do you think is the sexiest Trailblazer?

Robin Lopez.

If you had to enter into a long term sexual relationship with a plant, which would you choose?

I feel like a venus fly trap is the way to go for me, right?

Will catnap be making a comeback this season?

No, they don't appear this season, but someday we'll do it again.

Voodoo Donuts, what's your usual pastry? If you don't eat there, then please recommend a really amazing place to get pizza in Portland.

There's a chocolate bacon one that's really popular, but it's actually really good.

I like Pip's Donuts, and Blue Star Donuts. Even though I love Voodoo, and we love Tres, who's on the show this year.

I thought it was "Trace."

And Ken's Artisan Pizza is great in Portland.

I wish my name was "Artisan." Fred Artisan.

And Carrie Brownstone.

I live in a brownstone in New York, in the village...

I'm Fred Artisan, and I create!

Why is it so early?

Because somewhere in history, somebody decided the morning was a good time to work. I don't know why. We should all band together as humans and say We want to work at 10! Why are we doing this to ourselves!

What do you smell like? Together and individually?

I don't even know what I smell like.

What does Carrie smell like?

I'm having a hard time answering that.

I'll just say this: i always worry what I smell like. I want to smell good, I want to smell clean, but you know... sometimes it's 7 AM, and we're shooting...

Fred smells good.

Carrie smells great.

Hi, I'm a huge fan of Portlandia! My question is, Fred and Carrie, what does the word artisan mean to you?

Well, it's Fred's new last name.

I'm going to adopt it as a name.

But "artisan" means... made slowly and carefully. Somebody who makes something slowly and carefully, with their bare hands. If it was chocolate, it would with powdered latex gloves.

Hi Fred and Carrie,

My fiancée and I are going to Portland on our honeymoon in June. What are some of your favorite activities and places to eat in or around the city? Oh, and and and and and and and and and and are marionberry pancakes really that good?

Favorite places to eat: I like... Tasty and Sons. Lardo. Gruner.

I like Toro Bravo... what else is good? So many places?

Smallware, Luce... that to me, is like my new favorite place.

So simple.

And I'm sure you can get marionberry pancakes somewhere around town. They are real berries.

Favorite place to hike in the US?

Highway 95. In the median.

I like to hike up and down Fred all day.

And then I have to move.

That sounds sexual, but it's not.

I have a very flat back. It's a good workout.

There has been some weird explosion in a lab and suddenly both of you have morphed into one of your Portlandia characters for the rest of your life! Who are you?

Boy, rest of your life?

I feel like... like Dave, from Captain Dave, is probably best at taking care of himself through the rest of his life, like medically, his house, he'll keep getting new things...

At a New Years party last week I was showing off my Call The Doctor record and dropped it into an ice chest full of water. Will it still work?

I feel like you're not sharing the entire story.

Like "Do you want to see my record?" and then WHOA! it fell into an ice bucket!

Have either of you ever actually put a bird on anything?

I did, by mistake. I didn't realize - this was early on when Carrie had this idea for the sketch, and then I laughed, and then I went home and realized that my doormat was a black raven motif... and I felt embarrassed. I was like "Those dummies, putting birds on things" and then I realized i totally bought into it.

I can honestly say I haven't. I've been living bird-free for a long time now.

That's true. I don't think you have a bird on anything.

i love you guys but i cringed so hard watching the both of you on rachel ray! i wanted to know out of the both of you who can actually manage to make an edible meal?

Um... I think we had tremendous help from Rachael. Remember those little toasty things with the eggs? I want to say after we shot that episode, we actually did eat those eggs toast things. And I was actually hungry, so we ate it.

I agree with Fred, that the only one of us that made an edible meal was Rachael Ray and her crew.

I made an edible meal the other morning when I poured milk into a cereal bowl.

I've done that wrong before.

Do you have any personal favorite skits? I really enjoy the baseball team tryouts.

I was just talking with Kerry Dornetto, who is one of our writers, and we were both saying that the premiere episode of Season 5 - the story of Toni & Candace - is the episode we are most proud of having written.

I like Carrie's quote for that, so I am just going to leave it at that.

It seems like a lot of cities tend to have their own Portland-esque neighborhoods (the Village in New York, Jamaica Plain in Boston, etc.). What’s the most similar place to Portland you guys have been to?

For me, it's definitely Williamsburg and Silverlake.

And Echo Park!

There are parts of Portland that feel so "Portland-y."

Sometimes I drive down the street in Portland, and I say This place is SOOO Portland.

Out of all the guests you've had on Portlandia, who surprised you the most with what they brought to the skit and why?

Well, Jello Biafra from The Dead Kennedys for his dedication and seriousness about the craft...

I think we're in agreement on that.

But Jeff Goldblum is the most entertaining on the set. He really keeps everyone laughing, and is just... he's really great.

Hi, I'm a huge fan of the show the new season cannot come any sooner. My question is for Fred:

Will this new season have any cameos from you're former SNL alum?

Oh yes! Vanessa Bayer, and Seth Meyers....and I think that's it!

If each of you were a mixed drink, what would be in it, and would you drink it?

I would be water and ice cubes.

ponders

It would be called a "Frozen Marga-fredda."

I would not drink it. That's for other people.

I think tequila, soda, lime, ice... laughs

And it would be called...?

The "Sleater Gin-y."

But there's no gin in it! That's the catch!

It's the first day of classes at the University of Michigan; what advice can I get from Candice and Toni to help me succeed?

"GO TO THE STUDENT CENTER... and march around, with your fist in the air, all day until dusk!"

How awesome is Kyle MacLachlan?

Very awesome.

He's a dream.

Funny, thoughtful, really seems to enjoy life.

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When I was 15, I worked the concession stand and took tickets at a movie theater. It was a Regal Cinemas or something.

And I delivered newspapers and worked at Taco Bell. I was 15 or 16? Newspapers was 15 or 14 even, I can't remember? Somewhere like 14,15,16, somewhere in there was Taco Bell. Taco Bell must've been 16.

OOOH!

Hi Carrie and Fred what should I eat for breakfast?

I like cereal with almond milk, with blueberries or raspberries, and coffee.

I was going to say GRANOLA with almond milk - hopefully nothing too sugary- also with blueberries, and almond milk, and really strong coffee.

What kind of bikes do you ride?

I have a Cannondale Road Bike.

I have a Republic one.

What surprised you most about the real Portland?

Hmm.

What surprised me the most about the REAL Portland?

I would say... the shipping world. That there are these... ships that come in, that have to be very light, because the river is so shallow, so there are these tremendous ships that kind of go into - just down the river - I forget that Portland is named for that whole world of ships and shipping. I just never thought that would be a part of it.

What's your favorite type of cookie?

I gotta say... chocolate chip with peanuts. Like peanut butter chocolate chip?

Do y'all like cheese?

Yes.

Yes.

Which of the characters you play are directly based off someone you've met/known?

I would say the recording studio guy, whose name is "Gavin"... actually there's an H in there, he's based off of a recording studio engineer in Los Angeles by the name of "Woody." So that one's based on a real person.

What were your favorite hip hop CDs of the year?

I would say Death Grips, but I'm not sure if that was this year or last year.

As both (talented) humorist, writer and artist, what's your main inspiration in the absurd creative process of Portlandia ?

FYI you have a huge fanbase in France ;) Greetings from Cannes !

Hello France!

It's nice to know we have fans in France.

I would say our inspiration is day-to-day life and the writers just compare notes with each other - we have 5 writers - and whatever resonates, we go with.

What are your respective spirit animals and which one would win in an all out brawl between the two?

For me, it's the calculator.

And in a brawl? Carrie would win.

Mine would be a giraffe. I would carry around Fred and do math, adding up all the ways I love him.

Aww!