Comments: 1366 • Responses: 84  • Date: 

AndTrolling20 karma

To whoever you are, and wherever you go. I wish you the best of luck here, and in the next life. PLEASE PM me or call me or whatever! Anyway having a kid and the idea of the savings bond is GOLD. Smart man you are and he will be very proud of his father.. I wish you the best of luck dude!

CancerSucksALot26 karma

Thank you! I hope he is too. I do not want him to hate his dad, because if he is ever told about me, it will only be bad things...

SailorSurfer15 karma

bro... that is the saddest shit i have heard in a long time... what are your plans to make this year great?

CancerSucksALot35 karma

Well, I don't really have any plans. I have a month left, so I suppose I'll just look out my window at the greenery.

vampyweeks13 karma

I'm getting teary-eyed just reading this, if you ever feel lonely as well don't be afraid to shoot me a pm. Enough with that, what's your favorite type of music? Really hope this hits front page. Oh and what happen to your parents, if its not too personal.

CancerSucksALot27 karma

Anything classical. I prefer Chopin though. I also love the violin and piano.

I'm sorry that I'm making you sad, though. Don't be.

SparklingJuice12 karma

Your favorite sports team?

CancerSucksALot56 karma

I don't like any team sports, actually. I prefer tennis. Djokovic is my favorite player.

OnceLostAllGone11 karma

Do you find any motivation to have fun? Or is it like..."why bother when this won't matter anymore?"

CancerSucksALot29 karma

I don't really have the energy to have fun. If someone wanted to give me heroin, I wouldn't say no, because while I have oxycodone prescribed by my doctor, it isn't as strong or enough, and I wouldn't say no to a pain-free last month. I don't have anything to lose by using it anyway, haha.

But I never have a "why bother" attitude. I'd be out climbing rocks if I could.

treyroxx11 karma

I know you've said you don't really believe in an afterlife, but have you considered reading a religious text like The Bible during your last month? Do you feel that if there is a God you'd be angry at him for whats happened to you?

CancerSucksALot33 karma

Luck of the draw. I wouldn't be angry. Everyone has to die sometime.

But no. I'd rather not waste my last month reading a text I don't believe in. I'd rather think about my son and all the fun times I had before I got sick.

treyroxx8 karma

It amazes me how maturely you are handling this. What did you used to do before you were sick?

CancerSucksALot20 karma

I was an ESL teacher before I got sick. I guess I'm handling it maturely because what is the point of not? I'm dying either way. It won't change anything, you know?

treyroxx5 karma

Very true, have the doctors and nurses treated you any differently after they told you about your limited time to live?

CancerSucksALot7 karma

Yep. They always look at your differently. They treat you like a child, almost.


If you could high five anyone right now, who would that be?

CancerSucksALot34 karma

high five

TheeJosephSantos10 karma

Have you considered being cryogenically frozen?

CancerSucksALot29 karma

Considered? That was my goal! But right now, I'm only 23. I have next to no funds. I couldn't afford it if I wanted to.

miciaa9 karma

i'm really super skeptical about this, how can anyone have a life that sucks this much and still be so positive?

the proof really doesn't prove he has cancer either

CancerSucksALot6 karma

Because positivity is the only way I can survive. I've made it clear that my proof is significantly lacking (in earlier posts--and in the main post, stating I didn't know what else to offer...). If you can think of anything for proof, i'd gladly offer it. Just make another post, as scrolling down looking over all of the posts for replies takes a while. I do try to though. :D

gaberax8 karma

May the end of this life be the start of the next. May you find peace in this life and happiness in the next. May love and mercy carry you.

CancerSucksALot4 karma

You guys are so nice. Thank you.

bubette7 karma


CancerSucksALot20 karma


blink10237 karma

I really wish you didn't have to be so alone. I wish you didn't have a psycho baby mom. I wish you weren't sick on top of that devastation. I honestly wish I could change all that for you. I hope with some luck you get to see your son ASAP. Just live this month as happy as you can. Message me if you want to talk, I'm almost always online.

CancerSucksALot15 karma

Thank you very much. I text the mother at least once a week asking if I can see him, but I've never had a reply. She knows about my cancer, but she won't let me see him. Not much I can do about it.

throwaway111010006 karma

I stumbled upon this thread and logged in just to say hello. Sorry to hear about your illness, I hope everything goes as well as possible in such unfortunate circumstances.

You're in my thoughts now. I live in Finland and we're strangers, but I'll remember you. You're not alone; we're all in this together, this inexplicable thing called life.

If there is "something else" to death other than the end of consciousness, and if you can, please do come say hi when the moment comes for you. I won't be frightened, I'll remember you.

EDIT: I just realized this is an AMA, so I'll rephrase: Can you please come and say hi to me when you die? If you can and I notice, I'll log in ASAP and check this thread.

(I'm agnostic but open to possibilities.)

EDIT2: When I learned about Ray Manzarek's death yesterday I immediately remembered this song sung by him after Jim Morrison's death. The lyrics seem appropriate. Have a listen if you can.

You're on a tightrope ride, nobody by your side

Well, you're all alone, gotta find a new home

Don't go over the line. You better keep on time

Or you'll lose your mind on your tightrope ride

Watch out, don't fall! Careful, don't slip!

You better get your balance, you have to feel the way

There are no more questions, no answers today

There are no reasons, there are no more rhymes

But if you feel it, you can fly next time

You can fly next time, or maybe this time

Did you think we were all together?

Did you think we were all the same?

Did you think maybe I could help you

Remember your name, remember the game

What's the name of the game

It's a very good game, never stays the same

It's the number one from mud to sun

You're on a tightrope ride, we're all by your side

But you're all alone, and we're going home

And we're by your side, but you're all alone

Like a Rolling Stone, like Brian Jones

On a tightrope ride

CancerSucksALot5 karma

Thank you. You don't know how much it means to me that I'm in your thoughts and you don't even know me.

BinThereRedThat5 karma

Hey dude, I'd talk to you over the phone if I could but i'm basically on the other side of the world (England). But I would absolutely love to talk to you if you ever feel like PM'ing me!

CancerSucksALot12 karma

Yeah, I'll end up shooting a PM to everyone who offered when this is over! Thanks, guys. <3

CatMode5 karma

What do you plan to do when you know it is your final week being completely aware of yourself?

CancerSucksALot7 karma

I have no idea. I have zero plans at all for what I'm going to do this month. I just don't know. =/

friedjumboshrimp4 karma

What was the last pet you owned? I lost two dogs from cancer at very young ages. A Belgian Shepherd who died from bone cancer at 5 and a German Shepherd at 4 of kidney cancer. Nothing to compare with what you're going through, but it makes me sad. On a lighter note, what is your favorite shrimp recipe?

CancerSucksALot7 karma

I have a cat right now. I already have a home set up for her though, thankfully. I don't really want to think about her though. I know she will soon follow me. I'm the only living being she's comfortable around. Any other animal, any human... anyone. Except me.

I feel so bad for her.

CancerSucksALot6 karma

And my favorite shrimp recipe... Anything with coconut.

noahcrosley4 karma

Do you watch sports/TV? What interests do you have?

Hoping for the best.

CancerSucksALot4 karma

I watch tennis when it's on. My interests are mainly programming and teaching.

LittlePsycho4 karma

This was beautiful to read, although I almost regretted clicking on this because I have deep rooted anxiety with the thoughts of death but people like you who stay strong even while staring at the end.. idk.. impress me? inspire?.. something along those lines. How long did it take you to accept that this was all real? You mentioned that every morning it feels like a dream, I can't imagine the moment I know I'm dying I will ever accept it. I also wish I could write you something ultra extraordinary but I'm not quite capable of that, Lol. You said you're lonely so I could ask you a generic friend to friend question, I always feel like normal and boring is comforting. How are you today? (Apart from the obvious) My day was okay, it was my.. third to last day of my senior year in high school, school was hot as fuck because we don't have freaking air conditioning. (Is it weird to hear people complain about such stupid crap when you're.. well dying?) One of our senior pranks was to put baby oil on the bathroom floors.. morons... I'm on crutches right now and almost face planted into tile, wasn't pleased. Uhm something positive... Lol almost out of this hell hole? God, this is awful.. I tried. If you respond I will too of course. -April

CancerSucksALot8 karma

Congratulations on graduating!! Yeah, I sprained my elbow and knee a few months ago when I slipped with my cane! It sucked.

Today is a pretty good day, to be honest. I'm enjoying this AMA and I'm not in TOO much pain, hence my making this! :)

jawnzer2 karma

Hopefully you can enjoy this time with all the little things that you have done through out your life, whether it be your favorite movie or just remembering the good times.

Hard not to keep your mind off what lies ahead.

I really hope your son can truly appreciate what you did for him in your last days.

CancerSucksALot4 karma

I just hope he remembers me and doesn't hate me. That's all I care about.

Scientologistics2 karma

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, man. I don't have any questions, I just wanted to say that death is just another adventure that we all have to embark on and I hope you enjoy a seamless transition on that fateful day. What you have done for your son is more honorable and commendable than what most people do in their entire lives.

CancerSucksALot2 karma

Thank you so much. I hope he looks at it that way and isn't mad at me.

erinbuttface2 karma

What's your favorite food? Favorite color? Would you rather eat ice cream that tastes like poop or poop that tastes like ice cream? Do you have a favorite book? What do you do to pass time? Any hobbies? What type of Ramen is your favorite?

CancerSucksALot2 karma

My favorite foods are unagi and pho. Ice cream that tastes like poop (because I have before!). My favorite book is the 12th Wheel of Time book, and I pass time by thinking about my son. My favorite type of ramen is REAL ramen, but the 20 cent blocks are OK too I guess, haha.

My hobbies are mainly programming.

tokyofightsback2 karma

Sending all the positive energy I have to offer. Whatever will be, will be. But you know you have friends here who care about you!

CancerSucksALot3 karma

Thank you so much. :) You guys are awesome.

cameronbates12 karma

How did you react to the news that you were terminal? I am so sorry you have to go through this...This is a horrible thing to go through. I have heard of people that have some life threatening sickness that commit suicide. Did you ever contemplate the idea?

CancerSucksALot6 karma

Not even for a second. When I was told it was terminal I was devastated, but I knew that being depressed wouldn't help me in any way.

BostonCeltic1 karma

What did your mom do when you guys found out?

CancerSucksALot7 karma

Nobody really cared.

The_Awsom11 karma

Any fear or regret?

CancerSucksALot2 karma

Loads of fears, but no regrets. Regretting wastes time.

shayisforeveralone1 karma

Keep hope that you'll make it through the month, because anything can happen with positivity. Positive thoughts bring positive outcomes. Goodluck OP, I'll be praying for you! (: No questions, I just wanted to say that miracles do happen.

CancerSucksALot3 karma

I'm hoping for one. ^

scissornugget1 karma

Hugs to you my friend from far behind the ocean.

CancerSucksALot2 karma

hugs :)

[deleted]1 karma


CancerSucksALot5 karma

Oh, my bad. What form of proof should I give for this? I'm not sure what to give... hmm... let me look for medical documents.

[deleted]1 karma


CancerSucksALot6 karma

Yes. If I had bitcoins, I'd buy heroin off of Silk Road. I have a medical marijuana card, but that does nothing for the pain. I'd rather live a pain free month on a very bad and illegal drug than be forced to stay in bed the entire month.

mattchupid1 karma

If you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?

CancerSucksALot8 karma

Absolutely nothing. I wouldn't be who I am today otherwise.

Accent121 karma

You're not alone. I wish you the best of luck! I'm sorry you feel this way. You can PM or call me anytime you want.

Is there anything in this month that you're going to do, that you never thought you could do? Trying something maybe you haven't ever done before? Seeing that movie people always told you you need to see? Read that book you always meant to?

CancerSucksALot6 karma

I actually survived for the ending of Wheel of Time, and that means the world to me. I've been reading the series since I was 5. I don't really have anything else I want to do, other than meeting my son.

With my available options, I'm content with how I am now.

1bigpoolater1 karma

And this is why I don't believe in God. Keep your chin up! Hope you get to see your son, and I'm sure he will be grateful for what you have done.

CancerSucksALot2 karma

I just hope he is a happy kid. :)

ginasubpoena1 karma

do you have a bucket list?

CancerSucksALot5 karma

Nope, I do not. I never made one.

TheRealCman1 karma

How have you prepared yourself mentally for death? are you still scared?

CancerSucksALot4 karma

Terrified, but I'm mentally prepared. I just hope that I actually am, when it comes down to it finally.

sexyTrexy1 karma

You really should have a second opinion and try to get to another hospital, just because you don't have money doesn't mean you should die. I have a stage 4 neuroblastoma daughter who is a survivor from cutting age technology, she is 20 months old without clinical trials she wouldn't be here. Please don't give up hope ask about clinical trials!!!

CancerSucksALot3 karma

I've looked into a lot of treatment options, tried many, and been to six different hospitals. I'm out of funds and time.

I should have just kept most of my money in savings for my son, but I tried to recover and spent over $80,000 in the process. Now I'm flat broke and dead. Waste of money. =/

Sethy2491 karma

Hey man, let me start of by saying that I'm REALLY sorry this happen to you. Cancer is horrible, as well as being alone. This is not a question, but a little suggestion: My Dad has a friend who wrote this great book called "What's your Expiry Date?". He went through the same thing you're probably going through right now, and in his book he talks about how to really embrace your mortality, overcome your fear of death, and overall how to make the best of your life in the short time you have to live. Really suggest you check it out as soon as you can, and best of luck man. Once agian, Really sorry this happen.

Here is the link> http://www.whatsyourexpirydate.com

CancerSucksALot5 karma

I'll give it a looksie. Thanks a lot.

Did he ever recover, or did he eventually pass away?

lonyernas1 karma

What do you reflect upon the most about your life? What do you think about the most at the end of your life? (Thank you for sharing.)

CancerSucksALot2 karma

I only really think about my son, and you are welcome. No need to thank me though, I'm doing it for my own selfish reasons. ^

Redemption_Unleashed1 karma

I wish you all the best i've lost a grandma and friend to cancer, nasty thing it is but I know you are going to a better place!

CancerSucksALot2 karma

Here's hoping it's better. ^ I'd love to be able to look down on everyone.

negotiate1 karma

How did you find out about your cancer? Did you feel ill and see a doctor, or was it some other scenario?

Sending prayers your way.

CancerSucksALot2 karma

My arm has always been fucked and I finally saw a doctor about it. Turns out I had cancer.

AndyRullo1 karma

You got a lot of people here for you, man. I'm praying hard for you. Peace and love from a fellow Washingtonian.

CancerSucksALot2 karma

Thank you. I do like Washington. I'm glad I grew up here.:)