I am a pizza delivery driver in Flint, MI - a city with one of the highest violent crime rates in the U.S. I've seen my fair share of crazy stuff. AMA!

Stay safe out there.

I used to deliver pizzas in Portland, Oregon. Once I was chased into a customers apartment by a naked man who was screaming "AM I GOING TO KILL MYSELF?!" The customer opened the door just before the naked guy got to me. I pushed my way in and closed the and locked the door. The naked guy proceeded to punch the door a few dozen times while continuing to scream at the top of his lungs. This went on for about half an hour while I just hung out eating pizza. Eventually the cops showed up. Apparently the naked guy got out through a fire escape and escaped. I finished delivering the rest of my pizzas and went back to work and told my boss. He thought it was hilarious because for any "incident" causing late orders he had to call it in immediately to corporate and give them a code for the type of incident. There was no code for crazy suicidal and violent naked guy chasing the delivery driver.

TL;DR: naked guy high on PCP tried to kill me while delivering pizza.

Haha wow. That is one of the craziest things I've ever heard. I have NOT encountered something like that. Dang.

Well to get it going, scariest thing you have seen and also the funniest thing seen?

There's this shady motel that we go to from time to time. One time, this black guy (not to sound racist, I'm just painting the picture for you) told me to step inside his room. I walk in and there were ten to twelve other dudes in there. There was a handgun sitting on a table nearby, and the guys were weighing out baggies of weed.

They shut the door behind me, and one guy got really close to me and confronted me about being late, and how he didn't want to pay for it. As I was backing towards the door, three more guys walked in. I apologized and said we were really swamped, and if they let me go, the bill would be on me. The main guy demanded I gave him all of the cash I had on me (about twenty-five bucks), and get out of his sight. I obliged and took off.

As far as the funniest, the first thing that comes to mind is when I delivered to this gaming store where kids gather to play Magic and Warhammer 40k. These two greasy guys started arguing about rules and whatnot during a MTG duel and started brawling right there in the middle of the store.

The main guy demanded I gave him all of the cash I had on me (about twenty-five bucks), and get out of his sight. I obliged and took off.

And then you called the cops and they all got arrested for multiple felonies, right?

I didn't, and there are a few reasons why.

The motel accepts cash as a payment without needing to see an ID or credit card. And the guy that placed the order didn't leave a name, and it was a bad phone number.

The authorities in Flint don't really respond to robberies in a timely manner. It could take up to two hours to show up.

the police may not respond to vanilla robberies that quickly, but I guarantee they would be all over an armed robbery in a hotel by a gang of people. "I'm a pizza driver and was just robbed at gunpoint in hotel room 212," why is that so hard..

you potentially made those guys that much more confident for the next violent crime they commit.

I was new, scared, and stupid. This happened seven or eight months ago, so I was in shock for the next hour or two. If anything like that were to happen again, I'll know what to do next time.

what you did wasn't bad for self-preservation really, it's just frustrating to let a group of people outright get away with armed robbery like that.

I know, it's extremely frustrating. I always envisioned myself as the type of guy who would fight over five bucks just because he wanted to make a stand against the bad guy.

Then real life kicked in and I don't want to die over five bucks.

You obviously are not from Flint. I grew up there and moved to Grand Haven six years ago. I still visit Flint often to see family.

If you call the cops, even for armed robbery, there is a very good chance they will not even show up. The only way you will get the cops there is if you have actually been shot/stabbed/etc... It's basically no physical harm, no foul in Flint. On top of that of the very few cops they have, many are corrupt.

Flint is the fucking Wild West. It's basically every man for themselves. The police only respond to the most extreme of the calls, and possibly smaller calls if they have time, but you will certainly be waiting hours and even days.

Flint is the Wild West. That is an excellent way of describing it. I heard a comedian compare it to Iraq.

Why would you even step in the room?

I was fairly new at delivering and really really stupid.

Damn that sounds pretty fucking scary! Also answers the question I asked. Thanks for the AMA!

No problem!

What do you think would've happened if you demanded to get paid?

I don't know if they would've killed me. But I know I would've gotten an ass beating and they would've dumped my body somewhere.

My cousin was a pizza guy in flint, he ended up getting robbed, and shot and killed the guys that robbed him. Keep fighting the good fight.

Also, how are the tips?

Some days I'll walk out with twenty dollars, some days I'll walk out with almost two hundred. It just depends on where I go - if I take any catering orders, if I'm out in suburbia vs. the hood, if I just got a new sexy hair cut. There are a lot of variables.

Have you ever been offered drugs as a tip/payment? If so did you accept it?

I've been offered weed a couple of times for a tip. I didn't accept it.

Are you strapped?

A guy I used to work with is. My brother is. My boss is. But quite frankly, I don't really trust myself with a gun. There have been times where I really wish I was strapped, though.

Does your business allow it?

If you are a big chain, I highly doubt it. Liabilities and all.

Yup, our chain allows it. The owner walks around with it right on his hip.

Favorite customer?

I have a few that I really enjoy delivering too. There's this particular family I deliver to outside of Flint. The dad is always drunk and gives me a much bigger tip than is necessary and the mom always tries stopping him. But they're always a riot.

Have you ever had any porn-ish encounters?

The closest I've come to is a couple of girls who were in their bra and panties and they flashed me from their living room window as I was pulling out of the driveway. That was pretty sweet.

Gotta say, I'm surprised you haven't gotten more. I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype (Tons of freshmen try becoming Pizza Delivery Guys JUST to see tits), but I'd say during the summer, I got a flash a month, in the winter I got nothin' (depending on where you live). I feel for you, man.

I get my fair share of gorgeous milfs. Like, the one from porn where you wish something like that would at least present itself. But nope.

I deliver to Planned Parenthood every Wednesday. That's pretty close, right? At least they've seen some action.

Have you ever seen any illegal activities, and if so, are you obliged to report them to the police?

I don't want to go into too much detail. But I've witnessed domestic violence a few times and I've seen people dealing drugs. Our city is so overrun with rapes and murders that the police don't have time for a whole lot. Flint is basically Gotham City minus Christian Bale.

Thanks for answering! Another question: have you seen the city get worse over time? As in, a year ago, was it better than it is now, or has the crime increased in your tenure as pizza delivery man?

It really seems like the city is getting worse. The North End of Flint is getting terrible. And as the better citizens move out and houses are getting foreclosed, the riffraff and thugs are moving more south. So the crime is steadily extending from the center origin.

I haven't been delivering long enough to personally notice a difference, no. But as a whole, the city is deteriorating. It seems every year the murder rate gets higher.

Is it as bad as Detroit? Detroit gets most of the publicity, is that just because its a bigger, more well-known city or is it actually worse?

The thing with Flint vs. Detroit is that there may be more crime in Detroit, but that's because WAY more people live there. Per capita, Flint has Detroit beat.

Interesting. Thanks!

Thanks for the questions!

Detroit was absolute hell on Earth and depressing when i lived there. So many bad things happened to me in Detroit. I don't think ill be visiting Michigan ever again. Thailand is way more suitable, plus it's so much warmer here.

Still pretty dirty though.

I haven't had any bad experiences in Detroit minus all of the panhandlers.

If you go for a day trip it isn't so bad. Go to a Tigers game, hit up the casino, go to one of the bars or museum, it's pretty nice.

I wouldn't like to live there, though.

Flint is essentially a suburb of Detroit. So it's just the shittiest part of Detroit, really.

Well, Flint is about an hour to an hour and a half away from Detroit, and it's its own separate city. When people talk about the larger cities of Michigan, they often list Detroit, Grand Rapids, Saginaw, Flint, Bay City, Kalamazoo, Ann Arbor, Lansing.

I wouldn't say Flint is a suburb of Detroit.

What's the weirdest form of tip you've been given? (E.g. Drugs/sex)

Condoms from planned parenthood, Magic The Gathering booster packs anytime I go into Gamer's Sanctuary.

I use one of those things more than the other.

As someone who frequents my local game shop, I had a good laugh

Haha you're welcome.

"Here are some condoms."

"No thanks, I'm all set. I have some Magic booster packs."

Haha this elicited a hearty chuckle from me.

I wouldn't want to use planned parenthood condoms anyway. Trojan is the only brand I stick with.

stories. Craziest one. OP, deliver. (pun not intended, except when it was)

I've elaborated on a couple of my crazier stories. The black guy with the pool of naked white women. Getting robbed in the hotel. The fight at the gamer's store.

There was this old woman I delivered to at a retirement home, and she answered her door with vomit all in her hair. I wanted to puke. I handed her the pen and paper for her signature, and when she gave it back, the paper was sopping wet and brown. I let her have the pen.

Hi OP. I was still chewing.

I think she was, too.

ever been offered sex for pizza? please say yes.

Only when I bring it home to my girlfriend. Haha.

YOUR BEST MEMORY COME ON

One of my favorite moments was to this wealthy rural area with these gorgeous, large houses. I go up to the door, and this smooth black dude wearing a turtle neck, sunglasses (at night), and one of those backwards beret things invites me inside.

I enter the foyer and see an indoor pool full of naked white girls playing Marco Polo.

I told the guy, "Wow, you have a beautiful home. And it looks like they're having a good time!" And he replied with, "Yeah, just living the American Dream, y'know?"

He then asked me if I was 21, I told him yes. He said if I bring the pizza, he'll supply the beer and I'm welcome over any time I want.

and you went back, right? RIGHT?

I have not. I might give him a call this summer if I'm ever looking for a good time.

LIES LIES LIES .... also can you bring me?

Of course!

Why the hell not? :O

Because it's one of those situations where you're not sure if the guy is being serious or joking. And he hasn't ordered again, so I haven't had the chance to talk to him.

If I just called him out of the blue, that might be kind of weird.

Holy fuck OP, stop entering these peoples houses when they tell you to!

LMAO. I have trust issues. But this particular black guy was wearing a turtleneck sweater. I figured I could trust him! And look, it paid off!

What if I don't want to destroy your sweater? Could I just pull this thread as I walk away?

Watch me unravel, I'll so be naked!

as a pizza boy what do you consider a decent tip. I know you dont expect much in some of the areas you go to. But what to you is a good tip?

Also what is the best tip you ever got and or the worst. (besides not tipping at all)

A decent tip would be three to five dollars. Anything more is awesome, anything less is, "Okay, thanks. I guess." As a delivery driver, you rarely, RARELY see the standard "15 percent gratuity."

And measuring the best tip is a little tricky. The most I've ever gotten was sixty dollars, but that was for a $700 order to University of Michigan. So that wasn't even ten percent. I've gotten ten bucks from this guy on a fourteen dollar order. So that was pretty awesome.

The worst tip from recent memory came from this guy who not only didn't tip me, but also bitched that I didn't have twenty cents to give back to him. As a rule, we don't carry loose change, we just round up.

1. Is your job like doing side missions in Grand Theft Auto where you basically drive around making stops and listening to 80's pop music?

2. Can you Tokyo Drift a pizza to my doorstep without fatalities?

3. If you won the lotto would you allow your Lamborghini to be molested by a pizza delivery sign on top?

4. Is your drivers license a few cans short of a six pack?

1. Sometimes I fantasize about that, haha. You have to keep yourself occupied all day.

2. In the winter, sure.

3. I'd drive a Mustang. And our pizza place doesn't use those signs. They're a hazard in a bad city like Flint.

4. Yes.

Do you like the band The Swellers? They rule & are from Flint!

I saw them at a house show last summer. They were pretty sweet!

Do you generally prefer wearing white socks or black socks?

Black socks on rainy or snowy days. White socks on sunny days.

Ever been robbed? Also what's the sketchiest thing you have encountered while on a delivery?

I've been robbed once, check out my lengthy reply to FailIt.

One of the sketchier deliveries I took was to this apartment complex in the hood. Picture an inner-city apartment building with no parking lot save for one across the street, along with parallel parking in the road. There's guys dealing dope from their stoops, and everybody standing around just staring you down for being a white guy in a black neighborhood. And this is a place where rapes, murders, and robberies are an every-day occurrence.

You not only have to cross the street being in a neighborhood where you're not welcomed, you're also wearing a pizza hat and carrying a pizza delivery bag, so anybody who feels like robbing you at that moment knows you're carrying at least thirty to fifty bucks cash.

When I finally found the guy's apartment, he was a really cool dude. I just HATE going to that particular area.

Have you ever delivered to Krispy Kreme AKA Froggy Fresh?

Haha no, he lives in Burton. We don't deliver to Burton.

I work with a guy who went to high school with him.

3rd picture to come up when I googled Flint Michigan, looks nice.

That's my house! Wtfbrah?

What customer pissed you off the most?

I drove seven miles one way to this guy out in the middle of nowhere. Not only did he not tip me, he belittled me because I knocked on the door instead of using the knocker. He then checked his pizza and it had the right toppings, but it was a square deep-dish instead of a round hand-tossed, when the person who took the order repeated the order back to him over the phone.

What was the most unexpected thing that has happened to you while delivering a pizza?

This morbidly obese guy answered the door in nothing but his stained whitey tighties while holding his Pomeranian. I definitely was not expecting that!

what percentage of pizza delivery guys smoke weed?

Well we have four delivery drivers at our store. I smoke on a rare occasion (I haven't smoked since New Year's, which was almost six months ago). One smokes a couple times a month, one smokes every day, and one doesn't smoke at all.

How many references to Semi-Pro do you hear each day?

Haha, none. I wish I could run into Will Ferrell someday singing "Love Me Sexy." That would be neat.

How many times have you been shot?

• stabbed?

I'm lucky enough to say that I haven't been shot or stabbed.

I like to go to the machine shop in Flint, one of the best concert venues around. I don't fuck around in town at all though, I go to the show, then I get the fuck back on the freeway lol. Same protocol with harpos in detroit. Just really really shitty areas

It's true, man. Just like any shitty town, if you're downtown with a lot of people around, there are some fun and safe things to do. Just don't wander into the bad areas by yourself.

The Machine Shop is a lot of fun. I saw Evans Blue there once, loved it.

My friend went to Kettering University (in the middle of Flint) he always had some fun stories. I was picking him up to head up north one weekend and he gave me a tour of the town on our way out. His first instruction to me was, "if a guy starts walking up to your car, run the red light".

Our first sight was where his friend was robbed walking to campus. He lived about 1/4 of a mile from campus, so his buddy would walk there. On one side of the street is an abandoned mechanics garage that looks like a meth den. On the other side of the street is a children's museum. Can you guess where he got robbed? You are right, the children's museum. At 12pm. Twice.

The second stop was a quick one, it was the 7-11 directly accross from campus, which they called the "Stop and Rob" (not an uncommon term I guess)

Further into town was the "Murder Bell", which he told me was a Taco Bell a guy got shot in while waiting to get his food. I expected one of the shitty old Taco Bells. It was one of the newly renovated one.

Sounds like a fun place to live. Stay safe OP. Do you carry any self defense things? What time do you usually do deliveries?

I just delivered to Kettering this morning! Lot of cute girls out there.

But yeah, things like that are pretty common in that area. It's crazy how such a nice university is right smack dab in the middle of Crime City.

Thanks, I'll do my best to stay safe. I was talking to the owner today about different choices for mace. He said he would pick me up some next time he goes out for his. And I deliver from 11 am to 10 pm on weekdays, and until 11 pm on weekends.

Does the thrill of your job make it worth it, or just a headache?

It really depends. Some days are better than others. It's definitely interesting, I'm never bored while out on the road.

As for now, until I find a better job I'll just keep on keepin' on.

I got family in flint haha

• What is the weirdest position you've ever been put in while out delivering?

At this trailer park I heard a man hitting his wife before she came to the door.

I forgot her salad.

Do you know Michael Moore?

Lol no. And as far as I know, he actually grew up in Davison, a suburb about twenty-five minutes away from Flint.

I used to deliver in Grand Blanc, so close, yet so different. Does the shooting of the Little Caesar's driver a few years back scare you shitless?

Wow, I've never heard of that! I actually went to school in Grand Blanc, haha.

I mean, it's definitely scary sometimes. And I hate the fact that I feel like I'm risking my life for a measly tip at some points.

Probably about six months ago I heard of a pizza guy in Detroit getting shot in the chest. He ended up living, but it's still terrifying.

How much do you get paid, before tips?

$7.40 an hour. Sigh.

Do they pay you a different wage while you're on the road? At PJ's they pay you $7.50 in store but $4 on the road, to "encourage celerity in returning from deliveries". Couldn't possibly be them being cheapasses and taking every opportunity to cut wages.

Nope, it's the same wage all day.

What do your parents think of you delivering pizza there?

My dad hates it. But both of my older brother's delivered pizzas for years without too many problems. One accident and four muggings between the two of them.

What do you carry for self defense? Have you thought about getting your concealed carry permit? At the very least, how about pepper spray and a fixed blade pocket knife, if legal?

I'm pretty handy with a bo-staff.

No, I really don't want to carry a gun, even for protection. I've considered getting a permit for one and keeping it just for delivering, but I don't want to end up shooting myself or something.

I thought about getting a knife to keep on me, however.

I don't want to come out like a jack ass but what is your race? Would it make a big difference if you were of an ethnic race would people "respect" you more in that area? What race/races recide in Flint and who are the ones you should watch out for the most?

Well, I'm white. Most people in the city of Flint are black. There is a black guy that I used to work with and he got mugged once, and he is a lot bigger than I am.

I really think criminals are indiscriminate with their targets, as long as they know they can win.

What's it like in the exciting life of a pizza delivery driver?

I have to deal with shitty co-workers, muggings, worry about car accidents, bad tippers, flat tires, making deliveries on time, AND I make minimum wage. What's not exciting?? =P

Then why even do it? Considering the cons far outweigh the pros.

Because I'm a broke college student. Having all that extra cash on hand, having a job where I get to drive around all day listening to music and enjoy time by myself, and coming in contact with interesting individuals is a pretty good time. I try not to let the negatives get to me, unless I get into a situation where I really feel my life is in danger.

Proof?

Does your pizza place have a x amount of time for being free? Any fun stories for your customers scamming freebies?

Do you leave your car running while walking up to the door to deliver the pizza? It's standard practice in my neck of the woods...

Do you accept credit cards or have a debit card machine? Or just cash?

I'll be delivering all day tomorrow, so I'll find time to take a selfie holding up my bag, I guess. Haha.

Generally we tell people 45 minutes to an hour. We have a huge delivery area and actually deliver to six different towns. If it takes ridiculously long to get your pizza, we'll compensate you in some way, be it a store credit or a direct refund.

If I'm out in the country or in the suburbs I'll leave my car on. But if I'm in the hood or delivering to a business I turn it off and lock it.

We accept credit and debit over the phone and then ask for a signature when we get to the door.

Proof? Got a pic of the shirt/hat you wear when delivering? Sorry to bust your balls about this but without some kind of proofiness your post is subject to reddit's internet detectives which rarely goes well.

No I understand, I'll post a pic tomorrow afternoon.

[deleted]

I sent the mods a message.