IAMA guy who endured reconstructive surgery *without* pain meds and completely unable to sleep for 7 full days. AMA

Im sorry your mother made you go through that,

Edit: i forgot it was an AMA and forgot to write a question Was your mom always like this? or was she loving when you were a child?

No need to be sorry, it wasn't necessarily a bad thing when I look back on it. As I said, it helped me handle pain and sleep deprivation better. Odds are, I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't gone through that experience. I wouldn't want to do it again. But it wasn't all bad in hindsight.

She was ok when I was younger. Her condition started to get bad when I was 8, and by the time I got to middle school it was really bad.

"Her condition" Was her behavior from a sickness or mental disorder? or was she just a terrible mother?

She definitely had OCD, there was no doubt about it. It was never formally diagnosed, but it was very clear. My dad and I, and some of her relatives tried to get her to see help but she was afraid we were 'out to get her'. As I said, she had problems.

I don't think she was a terrible mother (despite my feelings at the time). She just wasn't in touch with reality anymore. We are all the result of the circumstances, interactions and random events that define our lives - she got a pretty rough deal, but she took it out by abusing her husband and son.

But I'm not a psychologist and she was never formally diagnosed, so I can't really say for sure what was wrong with her.

Is this condition related to having been overweight or are some guys just naturally that way?

I am not sure. It could have been environmental or because I was overweight, or because I was just naturally that way.

My guess is you lost too much weight too fast. Losing weight fast is way worse for your body than just being fat. Your skin needs time to adjust.

Yup, this is what I suspected caused it. Lesson to /r/loseit - take it slow haha! What really surprised me was the fact that it wasn't something that would just 'go away'. Got 2 separate doctors opinions and they both were like "yeah that's permanent". =\

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This is correct. As I said, I am not sure whether it was pseudo or regular gynecomastia. But the surgery was very expensive, for me it was $5,000. However, I managed to get insurance to cover it because it was severe enough to be diagnosed by a doctor and considered 'reconstructive' not 'cosmetic'.

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The doctor initially brought it up. I just went in for a yearly checkup and he said "oh by the way, did you know you have gynecomastia?"

so...you're a pilot now?

Yes. I've had a very interesting life after I got away from my mom. But until I was 18 it was pure hell.

Did you mention the lack of pain meds to the doctor? Or did she not take you back for follow up visits?

I didn't have access to a car or a phone, and so I was unable to go back for a follow up visit until the scheduled 1 month visit. I never told the doctor anyway, it really wouldn't have accomplished anything. I was leaving the house to go to college anyway, and I didn't want to deal with the mess.

Do you still have any contact with your mom?

Did you let her know what she was doing to you?

No, after I left the house we don't talk anymore. This was just one of many really screwed up things she did. Looking back on it, I am glad to have this experience because it helped me handle pain and sleep deprivation very well, and that allowed me to outperform my peers later in life.

In what ways did you outperform your peers. what you achieved?

In college the ability to go for long periods without sleeping helped me a lot (you can probably imagine). I could for 3 months on 4 hours of sleep a night and be able to perform decently on tests and classes. I didn't really build up a 'tolerance' for sleep deprivation persay, but I knew that it wasn't going to kill me because I had been through far far worse. I never experienced auditory or visual hallucinations in college, it just never got to that point - you have to be up for 3+ days continuously to have that kind of shit start happening. I basically completed 5 years of engineering school in a little over 3 years because I was able to take and pass more classes per semester, because I could stay up longer to get all the work done. Took me about 2.5 years to get my bachelors and another 1 year to get my masters from ERAU.

The pain tolerance was less helpful actually. After a year or so I was back to my normal self. But it did motivate me to stay in shape because I was always afraid that I would get manboobs again if I ever gained the weight back.

Did you bitch at your mom? How's your relationship with her now?

There wasn't really any use in bitching at my mom. It wasn't the first time she had done things like that, and I knew it wouldn't change anything. So no, I just kept my distance from her.

Same deal. I just keep my distance from her. I don't talk to her, or about her. This is the first time I've told the full story to anyone. Pretty much just cut her out of my life.

Is being unable to sleep normal after an operation like that?

I don't know. I know most people get pain meds though. I've only known one other person with the condition and he didn't get surgery.

What were the hallucinations like after sleep deprevation for so long.

I'd say they fell into one of three categories - audio, visual or physical.

Audio - loud startling noises that you aren't sure whether they are real or not.

Visual - I would start to 'zone out' and stare at a point of light for long periods of time. It's kindof hard to describe, but if you close your eye and press on your eyeball lightly for 30 seconds or so, you can get a similar effect. I would see the light in the center of my vision but all around the peripheral there would be crazy shit happening. At night the same sort of thing would happen, but without looking at the light. Towards the end it got really scary because I would see dark shapes in my peripheral vision, and then I would turn to look and they would be gone.

Physical - I am not sure whether this was just mental, or if it was a common symptom of sleep deprivation. But after the first day, it felt like I was loosing the ability to generate body heat. I would just feel cold all the time.

Your mom sounds schizophrenic more than obsessive compulsive, what were her compulsions?

Did you ask her for the real meds? Did she see you laying on the floor for 7 days, what did you say? What did she say?

Everybody seems to think so. I never really thought about that possibility but I suppose I could see it. She was afraid of germs and chemicals (kind of ironic that she would have to use chemicals to get rid of the germs... I know) and just a general need to control people - either physically (in the case of family) or by manipulating people in the case of friends (which she didn't have any by the time I left).

I knew she took the real meds, there was no point in asking. When I brought it up, she would just deny it or say "oh the pharmacy screwed up". I never let her see me laying there.

Wow that sounds terrible. How did your mother cope with you going for runs every day if she wouldn't let you out of the house? Did you sneak out? Or were you using a running track at school?

I would either sneak out or just walk out. I was stronger than her and it was easy to push my way out the door. It was easy for her confine me to the immediate area by simply refusing to drive, or not giving me any sort of money for bus fare. It's extremely difficult to confine someone to a house without blatantly breaking the law.

It sounds horrible mate, it really does. I'm glad for you that things are better now though.

thanks man

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Running 4mi every day for a couple months isn't good for your legs. Eventually the pain got bad enough that I couldn't run anymore. Went to a doctor and they took some x-rays, confirmed that it was stress fractures. So I stopped running for a few months and then gradually eased back into it. It's reoccurred a few times since, but it's overall pretty manageable. Compared to the surgery post op, stress fractures don't even compare, they're not even on the same pain scale haha!

So, just to clarify, you didn't have any pain medication for your post operative recovery period because of your mother?

Yup, except for some tylenol. Which did about as much good as a lump of coal at a green energy convention.

what does it feel like not sleeping for so long? is it like when you dont eat for a while?.. at first, it feels impossible, then after 2 days its easy???

You never get used to sleep deprivation. It sucks no matter how long you do it. After 2 days it just gets worse. But it kinda goes in cycles. In the morning to mid day you feel better, then afternoon to evening you feel worse, and then during the night it's terrible.

What are some other crazy things your mother has done to you?

When I was younger it was just a bunch of manipulation and keeping me as isolated from friends and family as possible. She would move me to a new school every 2-3 years or so because she would get into fights with her neighbors and felt they were against her.

She wouldn't let anyone use electricity for 3 weeks after they sprayed termite poison outside and she was afraid that the poison would enter the house through the holes in the electrical plugs, so she duct taped all the electical holes. I tried to convince her that the holes were just wires, but she couldn't be persuaded with logic. When I tried to remove the duct tape to plug in laptop the pulled a knife on me.

She put bleach in all the soap dispensers at one point. She also went through about 2 large spray bottles of lysol a day.

When I was in college I brought a girl home because I was a dumbass and she needed to use the bathroom and I figured my mom would be out of the house for the day. My mom wouldn't let the girl use the restroom until asking her if she had any STDs. Afterward, my mom expended another full bottle of lysol on the toilet seat alone.

I know this shit is funny or at least mildly entertaining, but it sucked massively at the time it happened! haha!

What are your certificates/ratings?

Got IFR and commercial last year, but I haven't put much more money into it. Just trying to look for a job these days.

why did you get no painkillers? was it the fault of the hospital? were you entitled to compensation?

No, the hospital did their job. When my mom "went to pick up the prescription for me" she just took them for herself then switched the vicodin with Tylenol.

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First of all, screw you. You obviously have never been the victim of this kind of shit so it's hard to understand. It's not logical. It's easy to say "oh I would have fought back" but what happens when you have to follow through on that? Are you actually going to hit your own mom? As a minor in the US, you have virtually no rights other than to call the cops and ask to get taken away from your parents.

First of all, screw you.

A bit hostile, don't you think? tormats mentions the Stockholm syndrome, so s/he is obviously aware that this is a common phenomenon. S/he is simply asking why you chose this particular incident for an AMA, rather than a subject of larger scope.

infantalistic behavior

He basically called me an infant. That's why. I would be willing to do an AMA on the subject of my OCD mom, but I thought the current subject was more interesting.