I hope I created the topic properly. This is my third time doing this. Sorry if I did it wrong.

Comments: 6039 • Responses: 53  • Date: 

I_Lase_You2201 karma

Hi Aziz!

Here's your "Welcome to IAMA lase!" Click me

azizansariAMA2207 karma


azizansariAMA2688 karma


zazagooh1721 karma

Has 50 Cent ever talked to you about your "Grapefruit" story?

azizansariAMA1417 karma

No! Have not run into him anywhere. Hopefully he thinks its funny?

horseantlers947 karma

If forced to choose: fried chicken or biscuits?

azizansariAMA1993 karma


jpsquill922 karma

When are they going to ask you to host SNL?

azizansariAMA1196 karma

I don't know! I would love to do it.

azizansariAMA877 karma

Whoa. I lost track of time. I gotta leave shortly, but thanks for all your questions. These are always a lot of fun.

vohit4rohit869 karma

can you tell us a groupie story? either when you had one or were one.

azizansariAMA2292 karma

This Indian dude once invited me to go get drinks with him and some other Indian dudes. I said no.

MrTravesty860 karma

What would you be doing if you weren't hilarious?

azizansariAMA1913 karma

A fat Indian man that lives at home

eztarget896805 karma

Yo Aziz, can't wait for Parks and Rec Season 5 tonight. Since you come on reddit a bunch of times, do you have any favorite subreddits or memes?

azizansariAMA1960 karma

This is my favorite thing. I was looking for an old AMA of mine to see what my username was and I found this AMAZING story where someone said they ran into me on the street and I said something like "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!! NO PHOTO. SUCK MY BIG DICK!!!!!"

Yeah, of course, this wasn't me. It must have been some Indian dude with a beard that was tired of being confused with me. But what was hilarious was all the redditors weirdly took Fake Aziz's side like "Yo man, you should give him his privacy." To be clear; it wasn't me and I would never treat someone that came up to me that way. I'll see if I can find it...

azizansariAMA2640 karma

By the way, that happens A LOT. People tweet me like "Yo I just hi to you in Austin and you were a dick." Meanwhile, I'm in New York. Indian dudes with beards, PLEASE CARRY YOURSELF IN A RESPECTABLE MANNER! I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE REPERCUSSIONS OF YOUR DOUCHEBAGGERY!!!

Keeks_marone1596 karma

forever alone aziz ansari

replies to himself twice

azizansariAMA2431 karma


IcySpace689 karma

How is Nick Offerman off set?

azizansariAMA1909 karma

Everyone says this about everyone, but he is the nicest, sweetest man. And he always carries me in his arms from the trailer to the sets.

firstinthesea673 karma

Do you use any Tom-isms (i.e. chicky chicky parm parm) in real life?

What is your favorite episode of the upcoming season?

Edit: looks like you did it right!

azizansariAMA1593 karma

This episode (I think episode 4) where Tom has to stop using the Internet for a week is awesome. I go to Ron's cabin with Ron and try to stay off "screens" for a week. I improvised a thing about Reddit, hopefully it'll make it in. I think you guys will dig it. Offerman, as always, kills it and I got to talk about a LOT of dumb internet stuff. It's like if that Wasting Time on the Internet bit from Dangerously Delicious became a TV episode.

[deleted]630 karma


azizansariAMA1523 karma

It just happens as you get better and people take notice. Eugene Mirman gave me the best advice early on, he said to just focus on your act and start killing. People are always going to want to give you spots if you're doing great sets. You quickly learn once you focus on being really good, the rest falls in place. I remember seeing people at open mics with headshots and talking about managers, etc. Its all nonsense. The best advice is that of Steve Martin, "be undeniably good."

perry0912614 karma

Hey Aziz, no bars near me make Gold Rushes. What's your own recipe?

azizansariAMA1362 karma

1 1/2 oz Maker's Mark 3/4 oz lemon juice 3/4 oz honey syrup (honey syrup you make with 3:1 ratio of honey to boiling water)

A fantastic cocktail.

duddersj524 karma

Hi Aziz,

Parks and Rec is one of my favourite shows, but since I live in the UK, I'm having to torrent it. Whenever I'm in the US, I try and watch it on NBC, or Netflix, or Hulu though. Should I feel shitty that I'm doing this? How else can I support the show?

azizansariAMA2132 karma

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!!!!! MY UK RESIDUAL CHECKS!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I'm kidding. I don't really care. I think its great for people to just see and enjoy the show. Maybe all these companies can catch up and realize they should come up with a way for people in the UK and other parts of the world to watch shows as they come out legally. I firmly believe that people steal/download/etc because the legal methods are usually not as good, convenient, or fairly priced. Thanks for watching our show.

MattDerpy509 karma

Hi Aziz! Do you like acting or performing stand-up more? And Human Giant was the funniest show on TV; do you still talk to Rob and Paul? Thanks so much for doing an AMA!

azizansariAMA833 karma

STANDUP IS THE BEST!!!!!!!! But I like acting too. I do talk to those guys still. Thanks for the question.

personmanguy507 karma

Will we get another episode about annual "treat yo' self" day?

azizansariAMA502 karma

I hope so!!

Opulent_Pledge499 karma


azizansariAMA2280 karma

The characters I play always just "happen" to be Indian. So racist.

Gary_Roach429 karma

Has the Governator gotten back to you yet on Twitter. Would love to see you guys in a movie.

azizansariAMA873 karma

YES! I think he's recording a voicemail with T-2 and Kindergarten Cop lines. So nuts.

rickyrockwell426 karma

In the scene where you talked about Apps and Zerts on Parks and Rec, was that scripted? Or did you ad lib all those?

azizansariAMA665 karma

Some written, some improvised.

Kikinc4405 karma

Is Rashida as cool as she seems?

azizansariAMA974 karma


ak47blackjack393 karma

What's the next movie in theaters that you will be in?

azizansariAMA1223 karma

Jingle All the Way 2

ProfessorDuncan375 karma

If you could have any one guest star on parks and Rec, who would you choose?

azizansariAMA939 karma


gjnotes363 karma

What can we expect from Tom this season on "Parks and Recreation"?

azizansariAMA1284 karma

Yesterday we filmed a scene where Jean Ralphio and I sang a song that goes "MAKE! MAKE! MAKE! MAKE! MAKE THOSE BOOTIES CLAP!"

HockeyMiniCow359 karma

What's your favorite memory from childhood?

DERPdeDERPer348 karma

Was the online $5 show a success enough that you are going to put all of them out that way from now on?

azizansariAMA429 karma

Yes, I believe so. It is/was awesome. It'll always be part of the release in some part. Still deciding how exactly I want to release Buried Alive.

tad3493343 karma

Hey Aziz, whats your all time favorite scene from parks and rec and why?

azizansariAMA1170 karma

Ron eating bacon at the strip club

ken27238279 karma

  1. who is your favorite comedian?

  2. have you ever told a joke and had no one laugh at it? how did you recover?

azizansariAMA766 karma

1) I really love Chelsea Peretti and Hannibal Burress.

2) Of course. I mean, nothing terrible happens, its just quiet and then you move on. It's not a huge deal. If that happens like a few jokes in a row, oh man, that sucks hard.

DarthRiven277 karma

What is your favourite "blooper reel moment" from filming Parks & Recreation?

azizansariAMA956 karma

When Aubrey talked as Champion and asked "Anne, why won't you date me? You're the prettiest dog I've ever seen."

mike808hawaii256 karma

Who would win in a fight between Darwish and Harris? Why?

azizansariAMA540 karma

Darwish. Dude is JACKED. He works out a lot. Serious.

SeanMurphy985214 karma

When I saw you perform in New Jersey in the past year, you performed a completely different set of material than I had recently downloaded from your site.

How often do you come up with new material for your live shows?

azizansariAMA432 karma

It just depends on how much time I have to write a new hour in between acting commitments. I would never do a big tour liked Buried Alive without having new material that I'm super confident in. Did you like Buried Alive? That's my favorite hour I've done.

cogneuro34 karma

My favorite tour yet, saw you in Denver. Your new tour includes multiple times throughout the show where you ask the audience to tell a story about a specific topic and you engage a person in conversation for about a minute. How did you conceive of this idea? How have you reacted when an audience member tells you a really mundane story or if they do/say something and you don’t know how to react to it?

azizansariAMA164 karma

I just started talking to people in clubs about marriage, how they met, online dating, etc. when I was writing the material. I quickly realized it'd be great to make it a part of the show. I didn't know if it'd work in theatres without video screens or whatever, but its been great. It's always just fascinating. I've gotten good at dealing with whatever details people give me, I haven't had a problem so far.

My favorite was in New Orleans a dude said he proposed by putting the ring around a puppy on Christmas morning. The audience and I went NUTS. A lil pup running up to a lady with a ring around its neck?? Then he said it was a "stuffed puppy" and all hope in the world was lost.

Crew_Socks210 karma

What was your favorite comedy growing up?

azizansariAMA806 karma

Coming to America. Still holds up incredibly well.

wopsky177 karma

What's currently your favorite song? I sure hope it's Pop That by French Montana.

azizansariAMA436 karma

Dude I been blasting that A LOT.

Also "Bands A Make Her Dance" by Juicy J.

lewis99176 karma

Your brother, Aniz, is hilarious on twitter. Has he always been the funnier Ansari?

azizansariAMA327 karma

Aniz makes me laugh harder than almost anyone. He and I are very close.

azizansariAMA255 karma

@SouthCackNeez is his twitter name fyi

Rather_Confused162 karma

What would your ideal role in a film be?

azizansariAMA517 karma

The T-1000.

kanyeezy24146 karma

Hey Aziz, what is it like to work with Chris Pratt on Parks and Rec?

i watched the latest blooper reel pretty recently, and Chris had me pissing my pants with what seemingly sounded like him going off script and improving his lines.

azizansariAMA1035 karma

I say this about everyone but seriously, Chris is the sweetest, funniest guy. He always also never uses a spit bucket. When you do scenes where a character is eating, you eat and then spit it out into a "spit bucket." Chris just keeps eating. If you see Andy eating a cheeseburger in a scene, you should know Chris Pratt ate like 8 cheeseburgers.

I love that guy and everyone on Parks. Cannot over state this!*

*Does not include Jerry

chefpb133 karma

How has your rapid success and fame impacted your life the most?

azizansariAMA798 karma

I get free shoes

jfontaine5391129 karma

When is Jean Ralphio going to make a return? The scenes With him and Tom are straight deloicious

azizansariAMA250 karma

Yep. Filmed some ridiculous stuff with Jean Ralphio yesterday.

rnc487126 karma

Did you get a chance to film in DC or meet any of the Senators who have cameos in the Parks season opener tonight? I think John McCain could probably use a new swagger coach

azizansariAMA211 karma

Tom stays in Pawnee!! But I saw some of the DC stuff and its hilarious. You'll enjoy the episode.

haleybaley108 karma

What is the most interesting thing a fan has ever said to you?

azizansariAMA394 karma

"Hey look its that comedian bozo..."

sir_sweatervest105 karma

Hi Aziz! Is it hard to keep coming up with new, fresh, relatable jokes?

azizansariAMA273 karma

Coming up with new jokes is hard, especially ones that are really, really strong but I always just write about whatever's really occupying my head. For my current Buried Alive tour, that's been this kind of fear of settling down and getting married and having children and just how insane that whole process is. It's been by far my most relatable and personal hour of material, and in my opinion, my best.

JoeTheDolfan98 karma

Hi, mega stand-up fan here. I have seen Intimate Moments(including the bonus feature), Dangerously Delicious enough times to quote them exactly when they aren't even on. I also came to your Buried Alive Tour in Atlanta, which was fucking hilarious by the way. First, I would like to know when you are expecting your next tour to take place? Also, how do you come up with material? For some reason I imagine you doing it in some badass way.

azizansariAMA294 karma

Next tour, who knows, I'M STILL ON THIS TOUR MAN, WHY DON'T YOU CALM DOWN!!! I'm joking, but man its really hard to keep writing new hours of strong material, especially at the pace people want to see new material.

My process:

I just jot ideas in a notebook and start working them out in small shows that I drop in unannounced to in NYC and LA. I'll record and listen to the sets, make changes based on what works, try to improvise, discuss the topics with the audience, etc. It takes months and months of writing and refining, then eventually you have an hour to tour. It's very challenging, but rewarding.

Ninjamarkkay86 karma

Hey, where was your first gig as a stand up comic? Also, how old were you when you first started doing what you do best? Thanks for doing the AMA.

azizansariAMA191 karma

Comedy Cellar in New York in the summer of 2001. I was 19. I still drop in the Cellar a lot to work on new material, its my favorite comedy club.

sives64 karma

what is your favorite movie?

azizansariAMA241 karma

Terminator 2 or Die Hard or Before Sunset

Not kidding.

teamregime64 karma

What's your favorite restaurant in Boston?

azizansariAMA163 karma

Gourmet Dumpling House. Get the pork soup dumplings and the szechuan sliced fish. I think about the fish like once a week. Oh my.

hrdrockdrummer50 karma

What type of Mac and cheese do you prefer? Standard elbow noodles or shapes?

azizansariAMA190 karma

My favorite mac and cheese is that mac they serve at Zingerman's in Ann Arbor, MI. SO DAMN GOOD.

kbol41 karma

Will you, at any point this season, work "Your Duncan Hines is irrelevant" into Tom's lines?

azizansariAMA87 karma

Oh man. Seriously, I'm gonna try to work that in tomorrow. Thanks for reminding me.

DG4339 karma

Will we actually get a straight to DVD Hitch spinoff? This is not a joke...

azizansariAMA89 karma

I wonder what would happen if I honestly pitched doing a direct to DVD sequel to Hitch or Jingle All the Way. Could I film it? That would be kind of amazing. Who should star in Jingle All the Way 2 with me?

jlebowski633 karma

Get. Get. Get that Pay-PUH!!

azizansariAMA96 karma