Excentinel

It'd be too short of a movie.

He'd do two pec-pumps and Leonardo DiCaprio would burst into flames from the awesomeness.

Yep. I clicked expecting two hambeasts and was pleasantly surprised.

No, but she would walk like a cowboy buttfucked by Thomas the Tank Engine afterward.

(Edited for gender.)

That just means there's a handjob joke here:

If that's what happened to your hand, does he even have a dick left?

I'm guessing she took emetophilia off the menu after that.