DarkHumorAnimation

I would do ANYTHING if you were wish me luck on my date tonight!

Or any advice on how to impress the lady! I already told her all about you last weekend on our first date when we talked about music!

And again, I realized I live where the OP is talking about. OKC cops are the worst. My grandfather had night clubs since the 1970's and ALWAYS has had trouble with the cops. He even sued them back in the day, not sure why or what happened though. But growing up I worked in some of his recent night clubs, and as recent as 2010, cop cars lined up across the street from one of his hip hop clubs and blasted country music from their cars. A very obviously racist move on their part.

Lt. Dan?

I live in Yukon, OK. I am from OKC. This happened to me last night. I posted this to my Facebook.

"Threat Level: Cellular"

"A True Story that Took Place Less Than an Hour Ago"

God I feel violated.

I had to go into the OKC Sheriffs Office to give a family member some money. I have NEVER been treated more poorly in my life. Now I understand that is a job that has to deal with lots of shitty people, both inmates and relatives of inmates, but when has it become the standard to treat EVERYONE like a piece of shit? If I was a police officer I would imagine there would be an ideal to strive toward. I'm in full work uniform, I pay my taxes, I'm not a smart ass, I'm greeting you with a smile and asking polity where do I go to do the business I had come to conduct. I. AM. NOT. A. CRIMINAL. I'm at your place of business as a law abiding citizen. Here's the breakdown;

I walk into the building. There is nobody at the "guard" desk or whatever.

I stand for a moment, then slowly walk through the metal detector. Nothing goes off. Still my presence is unnoticed. Naturally I didn't think about it until afterward, but this right here is scary. My keys, change, belt or PHONE did not go off, and nobody was there to say otherwise. Who keeps the crazies with knives or other weapons out of the building?

I wander my way over to the other front desk. Finally after a few moments I am noticed. I smile, wave and ask where I might find the kiosk I can give a resident some money. I have never been in this building before. I haven't had time to study the fucking blue prints apparently. They point me in the direction and the only thing I am told is that I would need my I.D.

I go over to the machine and start to log on, create an account, etc etc. During this step, it says an authorization code is required. I have two options. 1. "Press here and we will call and give you your code. or 2. "Press here and we will send you a text message with your confirmation code."

Hmmm. Well....I guess a text will do. A few seconds later and my Star Wars ring tone goes off. There waiting is my confirmation code.

I go ahead and pull up ALL my account information I had just created.

A police officer starts to wander around me. Of course my retail mentality and apparently naive attitude towards life makes me believe this is a friendly encounter, almost if I was going to hear him say, "Hey, how are you doing tonight?"

God was I wrong.

"Now I KNOW that isn't a cell phone you have." The lack of a question mark is intentional.

I'm confused.

"You can not have that in here. You NEED to get out."

I'm super confused....what about my confirmation code....? It wasn't like I was being a smart ass or anything....

"Oh...okay, it's just that the kiosk said they would text me my confirmation code?"

"No you don't need that. You NEED to get out NOW!"

I begin to make my way towards the door, however I'm still confused on how I"m suppose to complete this service that offered inside the building.

"Okay, do I request the code, then go outside and get it and come back in and enter it?"

"Son I've worked here 40 years and YOU DO NOT NEED that. Now you NEED to get out now or I"M GOING TO ARREST YOU!"

I can not even describe how....dehumanizing this was said. Not to mention I'm looking at a screen that says, "Enter your confirmation code here."

I leave. Put my phone in my car. Go back inside. Still nobody is by the metal detector. Still nothing goes off. I know in Norman a damn dime will go off in it's stuck in my sock!

I again try and get the attention of the front desk.

"Yes?"

"Yeah, I was just in here, is there another way for me to get this-"

I'm suddenly cut off by some weird....Chewbacca sounding grunts coming from behind the desk. It's the same officer. I'm unsure what he said but it was CLEARLY something that upset him towards me... I don't know what to do but show him I don't have my phone...

I hold my wallet and keys up. "Is this okay to have...?"

"WHAT IS IT!!"

"...my....my...car keys..."

"THAT'S....fine."

I again ask the girls behind the desk what the hell do I do???

"No there is a button you just need to skip all of that."

Well shit, that would have been nice to know....

I wait in line because now someone else has apparently walked up to use the kiosk, I'm unsure if all my information was still on the screen when this other person decided to use it. I wait patiently in line as....you know...people fucking do.

"SIR! THERE IS ANOTHER MACHINE AROUND THE CORNER!"

WELL FUCK ME! I'M SO GOD DAMN SORRY I DID NOT STUDY THE FUCKING LAYOUT OF THE GOD DAMN BUILDING!

My compliant are these;

1. Is it too hard to act professional? I understand you have to be a hard ass to inmates perhaps, but...to....the citizens who walk into your building? Is it too hard to say, "Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt, but we have a no cell phone policy, you need to take that outside immediately."

"Oh okay but the kiosk says I need this code."

"Well I don't know how that works....and honestly I don't care that's not my job. But I have to ask you to take that outside now."

1. GET SOMEONE TO WATCH THE GOD DAMN FRONT!!!!!!!!

2. Why have a machine in your place of business that offers a service...only to threaten to arrest people who use that service?

"HEY GUYS COME INTO MY RETAIL STORE! OF COURSE WE HAVE A CASH LANE FOR YOU CHECK OUT YOUR GOODS AT......but if you use it we will arrest you."

DO NOT OFFER SOMETHING THAT CAN NOT BE DONE IN YOUR BUILDING! Or at the very least, do not tell me it's not there when we are both looking RIGHT FUCKING AT IT!

In conclusion, I did the only manly thing I could do. I told my mommy.

Of course she calls up there and the girls behind the desk who I had to get their attention told her "We stopped him as soon as he came in and made sure he didn't have a cell phone. We asked him and he said, "No I do not have a cell phone." Now I don't know what went on between him and the officer...."

Straight up fucking lied.

I have never missed Yukon police officers so much. Seriously I was driving home PISSED and sincerely missing Yukon cops. They pulled me over at 4am the other night because....well it's freaking 4am and my car looks like it's stolen.

I received a hand shake and a "Have a good morning." Why?

Because I'm not a fucking criminal.

The End.

What! That clown?!!!