Hi I'm Tim Ross a very not famous comedian AMA

My girlfriend can't fit into her old jeans and now suddenly "we" are on a diet together? What the hell should I do? I'm freaking starving and she ain' happy

Just sneak food!

Hey Tim! Love your stuff.

1. Thoughts on the Unidan fiasco?
2. Would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses or one horse sized duck?

Wait, what? What Unidan fiasco?

Unidan was shadow banned for using sock puppet accounts to upvote his own submissions and downvotes the one around his post. :-(

Thats incredibly weird considering most people would upvote him for just being unidan anyways. Why do that, ya know? Damn. Thanks for the update. I was definitely out of the loop on that

Yeah it was really bizarre. Definitely a bummer.

The fact that you were able to answer this and even took the time to discuss reddit drama makes this my favourite AMA ever.

Check my account man I've been here a long time ;)

The Unidan thing honestly bums me out. I thought it was really cool to have that guy on this site. It's a bummer than he did that, honestly. Hopefully the whole new account thing works out but I know plenty of people will be hesitant to be cool to him.

Duck sized horses I have very heavy stomps.

How much would /r/GayBears have to pay you to do a set shirtless, wearing nothing but a speedo?

Can we re-negotiate to boxer briefs?

hmmm. As long as they are tight and not baggy, that's cheating.

I'll have to think about this.

You can have boxer briefs, but they're going to insist on nipple clamps.

I'm fine with that

How did the role of Tuvok in "Star Trek: Voyager" shape your career path?

That's my good friend Tim Russ*

*I don't personally know Tim Russ.

tell me a joke?

http://i.imgur.com/jjMBVhG.png

:) you make me smile

And that comment made me smile. It's a cycle of smiles. Lets hug.

What worked better: "Ice Cream" or "Ice Cream Truck"? :-)

I just say Ice Cream and then I go "or Taco maybe...I really don't know"

I just want to let you know half the reason I keep going on twitter is because you post 23/6. My question is can you upgrade to posting 24/7 so that I never have to get of the computer?

People already kinda hate my manic twitter sprees tho :(

What was your first time on stage like?

It was great! I'm certain it was a sub par performance for sure but I got laughs and felt great. The third and fourth and fifth time on stage were soul crushing. I ate a ton of shit and spent the rlde home staring out the window with my head pressed against the door. I got over it tho. Now I can eat shit and be relatively unaffected by it.

[deleted]

Heh yeah you'll have that man just keep at it!

I would have difficulty eating shit and not being affected by it. What do you do about the taste?

Oh you stop tasting the shit eventually. At a certain point you realize that you're eating shit and you go "Oh wow I'm eating shit. It's time to leave."

At that point you just sort of leave your body and mouth to run through the motions as your brain things about the next gig or pictures you having sex with that one hot girl you know.

pictures you having sex with that one hot girl you know

Hopefully displacing the pictures in your brain of all those ugly, nasty, drunk girls you settled for at the last gig?

I love those girls man

Since you look like Action Bronson, do you get as many as him?

Not even close my friend

Do you feel like you made the right choice in selecting comedy as a career?

When I have a great weekend and I'm driving home with a pocketful of money it feels great. When I have a one nighter and I am driving home with 7 dollars it feels a little less nice. But when I started comedy I listened to a ton of podcasts and when they described their awful gigs and shitty experiences the only thing I could think was "I am 100% willing to go through that just to be able to do comedy."

WHERE DO THEY GIVE YOU POCKETFULS OF MONIES FOR STANDUP? WHERE TIM WHERE? ADDRESSES PHONE NUMBERS ANYTHING!!!!

Haha few and far between my friend

That attitude is where the gold is at. Keep going strong

Appreciate that!

Pros and cons of having a beard that intense?

Pros: Looks fuckin awesome, drug mule capabilities, bitches.

Cons: Chicken wing sauce, people complain, the thing about bitches wasn't true.

Do women want to touch the beard? Because like, if they ask to, you could always say you've got an even better beard you can show them.

heh I actually do a joke about girls asking to touch the beard: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR-IAayVNLY

Who are your biggest influences as a comedian slash who are your favorite current-day comedians?

When I was growing up I always loved stand up comedy but the two comics that hit the biggest with me were Brian Regan and Mitch Hedberg. I used to sit in my basement and listen to both of their albums over and over. Hedberg is still my favorite of all time. Such remarkable joke writing.

As far as current comics: I really love John Mulaney, Hannibal Burress, Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane and a bunch of others. Of course Louis and Burr those kind of go without saying at this point.

Hey Tim. If you want to take /u/Unidan's place, are you willing to committ that you will never use multiple alt accounts to upvote your own submissions and downvote people you disagree with?

We've been hurt before.

Also, which is the funnier word: "penis" or "dong?"

I promise. I had a couple different weird ass parody accounts but I didn't vote with them and I stopped using them a long time ago cuz they aren't funny. And it depends on the context. Ding Dong is not funny Ding Penis is kind of funny.

Alright, final question: what is the difference between a jackdaw and a crow?

I'm gonna have to consult /circlejerk

Okay, you can be the new /u/Unidan.

Great! In Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 one thing to remember is that the shoulder buttons will rotate you so you can increase the points in your combo by doing a 180 and a fliptrick into and out of grinds. Another cool tip is to map special grind tricks to up down grind button. That way if you miss the rail you land in a manual instead of ending your combo.

What does your job feel like?

Quite different every time. Lots of new drives. Lots of new people. A lot of the same jokes.

[deleted]

Just by marriage

Hi Tim!

What's your experience been like (if any) with hecklers so far? Do you just dismiss them, or have you been working on ways to flip it into your favor?

I honestly don't get many hecklers. They're a bit more infrequent than you'd imagine. It definitely happens tho. It's tough for me because I'm a bit of a jovial character on stage so I sort of have to be playful with it. I can sort of tease them and make them look silly but it wouldn't work for me to unleash hell on them and then get back into doing jokes about sweatpants and lord of the rings. It's a thin line to walk. It usually turns out alright tho.

I love singing, but I have a fear of performing in front of people. Recently I jammed with my sister-in-law, a first for me singing in front of anyone outside of my husband and I loved it, but I still don't feel comfortable in front of others. do you have any advice on how to overcome performing in front of friends/strangers? (Outside of imagining they are naked)

i don't want to sing for a living, just want to break out of my shell.

Well to be frank singing terrifies the shit out of me because I'm terrible at it. But you aren't so...

you should go to a small bar that has karaoke and sing a few songs. There will be a crowd but everyone at a karaoke bar has the lowest of expectations so there is very little pressure. You might be in between a 60 year old man singing hank williams and a lady singing reba mcintyre terrible so you won't have to do much at all to look good. Just go there a handful of times and get used to performing in front of a small crowd.

can you write a joke that will make me laugh?

Maybe. What kind of things make you laugh?

Why do comedians frequently use other comedians jokes?

I'd say "frequently" is a stretch. There are occasionally comics who steal but they're usually weeded out relatively quickly. It's something the community doesn't let happen if they can prevent it.

As far as premises - there are only so many things in the world to talk about. Similar premises are going to happen.

And sometimes parallel writing happens. Sometimes people come up with the same punchline. It happens.

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

Bukake

Damn you love Klondike Bars! Ever done standup in the Midwest? Des Moines/Omaha/Kansas City?

I just did a run of North Dakota/Minnesota with my good friend Aaron Kleiber (www.twitter.com/aaronkleiber). He's a headliner and he took me on the road. I'm talking him into doing an AMA cuz his would be way more interesting. He's toured with Bob Saget and Jim Breuer and did shows with a bunch of other dudes. He's got some real interesting stories.

Who was the guy you were beefing with on twitter?

Just some douche man iunno

How do you keep yourself interested in the jokes? Regardless of how good the content is I imagine it could get boring telling the same jokes over and over at different venues.

Write new jokes to pepper in with the old. And if you're in front of a hot crowd it makes those old jokes fun all over again. Especially when everything is hitting. To know that the next sentence you say is going to make a crowd laugh is a really great feeling.

How do you practice rhetorics?

I don't know how to answer this

HOWS THE RAP CAREER GOING?

I think you meant to address Pigpen he's not here at the moment.

Have you ever eaten at Nicky's Thai Kitchen? It is delicious.

No! I'll have to try it.

Hi Tim. I'm Tim. That's cool huh?

THATS VERY COOL. HI TIM. ARE YOU 21 OR OLDER LETS GET HAMMERED

Sounds good. Hopefully I don't get fired for drinking on the job though!

Fight them

Have you ever had a joke where hardly anyone laughed?

How much of an affect is moving around on stage and making motions with your hands etc.?

Yeah I have. Many many times. That's part of learning to do comedy, haha. You'll have entire sets where hardly anyone laughs.

It depends. I'm still learning a lot of how to be on stage and command an audience. I have some friends who are very good at it. I am mostly a stand there and tell jokes kind of guy, but I'm trying to expand the things I can do on stage.

Tim, big local fan of your's. I get all excited when I go to a show and learn that you're opening.

Who was your favorite comedian to open for?

It's hard to say, man. Harland Williams was a really cool guy, Tammy Pescatelli gave me some great advice, The Smash Brothers Cory and Chad were a blast to party with. I got to sort of open for Kyle Kinane (it was a showcase at a fest and I was like 10 people before him) and that was really cool. We ended up giving him a ride back to the hotel and he was sufficiently hammered and really chill. Like I said it's hard to say. The Smash Bros we partied until like 5 am so that's definitely a contender lmao.

A jewish guy, a muslim and non-psychotic walk into a bar... Punchline?

the non-psychotic says "WHICH ONE OF YALL STILL HAS FORESKIN" turns out he loves checkin' out penises.

Hi Tim, how long have you been doing comedy and how did you get so many damn twitter followers? Almost everyone I know doesn't know how twitter works.

Hey I've been doing comedy for a little over 3 years now. Most of the followers are from here on reddit from doing standupshots and posting videos and such. And a bunch from the hiphopheads follow train shout out to /r/hiphopheads

Tell us the one amazing moment you've had that you hold above all others because of your comedy?

Probably the first time I performed in front of 300+ people. A local showcase for a radio station in a theater. It was fucking surreal. The wave of laughter after my first joke hit was a completely new experience. And later that night I met Jim Breuer and Bert Kreischer. That was dope.

Also opening for my buddy Aaron Kleiber at his DVD taping. Second time being in front of 300+. And I had a set I was really happy with. Felt super super good. And immediately after that I went over to an open mic and ate shit in front of five people. haha.

Hey Tim. Great work you are doing. Is there any way for you to write two jokes to use in a movie about two icelandic hit men - A web based comedy I'm currently writing?

PM me some info about it and I'll see what I can do.

What's the most embarrassing thing to happen to you on stage?

Had such a bad set in my first four months or so that I just put the mic in the stand and said "OK...." and walked off.

Soo, got any of that poetry lying around, or...?

ps. For what it's worth I genuinely found that youtube except funny

Thanks! I hope I don't. I'm sure I could dig some up but I don't want to haha.

So what's your favorite song in THPS2?

Guerilla Radio or Bring the Noise

Hi Tim. I love you. What's your favorite kind of weed?

I don't smoke much weed because I'm broke and sometimes I get paranoid. I like the stuff that makes me laugh and I don't like the stuff that makes me think I need to go the hospital. I also like the stuff that makes my blanket feel great on my fingertips. It was green I'd that helps.

Where can I listen to this metalcore band?

Man I dunno we used to have stuff online but then when we broke up people started taking things down and stuff. It's a bummer. I mostly just screamed.

Band name?

fear takes flight haha

I believe I found something!!

oh boy you sure did this is embarassing.

https://myspace.com/feartakesflightpa/music/song/lights-camera-overreaction-26197381-25998566

lolol

actually, this isn't all that bad. Except for the screaming.

The screaming part is me but I'm not offended it's ok

Just not a screamo fan.

Are you still like, Christian?

This is actually an interesting question. I do have some belief but it's mostly based around the words of Christ and I'm far more of a drunk than a zealot. I support gay marriage and I'm not a douche about religion or anything. It's really hard to explain actually. Haha.

Actually its not bad at all! I was in my fair share of local bands back in the day as a part of the Northern Virginia scene. Also, I see your "top 8" includes Neocracy! Awesome band and from what I remember, great guys!

Dude those guys were the best. We played with them a few times and there were always super super chill. They played at the commune thing I was in and stole the show (and Becoming the Archetype headlined that show.).

Such solid dudes. Great beards too.

If you lost weight, would you also lose your comedic abilities?

I'd hope not. I do have a fair amount of jokes in my act that relate to my weight but I'm trying to make them more few and far between as I progress as a comic. I have enough non-fat jokes to go on stage but I would lose a handful of jokes yeah.

Favorite flavor of ice cream?

This place called United Dairy makes a caramel delight that's really dope.

What venues besides the Improv are good for comedy in the 'Burgh?

Arcade Comedy Theater! (http://arcadecomedytheater.com/) I can't say enough good things about them. Great people and a great variety of shows in both Improv and Stand Up. I'm doing a bunch of stuff there in August. I'll be on a live podcast talking about the movie Twister tomorrow. Next Saturday I'll be on the "Truth or Dare" show where we have to do improvisational stand up based on audience suggestions. Then on the 15th I'm on The Summer Mumble ( a wrestling themed show) doing commentary. If you like wrestling this show is absolutely ridiculous. It was a blast last time.

Also there are a lot of shows and venues and cool things going on around the city. Check out pghcomedy.com to find more stuff!

Great, Thanks Tim! Hope to see ya dahn at one em! (Yinzer accent strictly reserved for the internet)

Good deal! If you're interested I'm doing a free show at Buckhead's Saloon on Wednesday. No cover charge or item minimum. At any rate PM me if you plan to come out to a show sometime and we'll hang out and whatnot.

Ay man...you smoke herb?

Bruuuuh