Jay Lender

Gee, people are really fixated on this. The simple answer is: No. SpongeBob is a child and he has childish interests. He's completely unaware of and uninterested in sex, he's neither homosexual nor heterosexual. That said... I did write the gayest episode ever: The Fry-Cook Games.

Of course, I kid... they're just two friends who love each other. And why not? They're lovable!

Bikini Bottom is just a cute pun, referring more to the bikini itself than to its contents. Krusty Krab is really just about the alliteration. Anything more than that is being supplied by the listener. Steve NEVER intended any sexual interpretations. Never.

Hey Arnold: "Pigeon Man" an 11-minute cartoon where the hero FAILS to improve the life of a shut-in... everybody cries when they see it. How the heck did we do that? How did we get away with it?!

SpongeBob: Just One Bite. Squid out of control = funny. Runners up: The Graveyard Shift, The Camping Episode. The end of the Camping Episode is can't-catch-your-breath funny. Both were done with Dan Povenmire.

Phineas and Ferb: Doof Side of the Moon, Brain Drain. These ones were where I finally hit my stride. Road to Danville should be fun, too.

Cool SpongeBob Story: Working on Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II. We had a gag about Mermaid Man trying to zap the Conch with his "sulphur vent vision." Ernest Borgnine and Tim Conway were in the recording room for the show and they both wanted to know what the heck that was all about. Well, the creator of the show, Stephen Hillenburg came from a marine biology background, so his eyes lit up when he had the chance to talk about this cool undersea phenomenon (http://www.thenakedscientists.com/HTML/content/news-archive/news/2339/) He launched into a minute-long explanation, during which time Ernest Borgnine's face fell, and eventually landed in a grimace. When Steve breathlessly finished his explanation, Borgnine grunts: "Oh yeah? PROVE it." Total silence. Everybody's blood ran cold... and then Borgnine started laughing. So did the rest of us. He could turn on the tough guy no problem, but he was a sweetheart.

I only met Ernie the one time, but I'm fairly certain that if he had lived long enough, he would have enjoyed my new graphic novel, Duster. And if he could have worked a computer he would certainly have downloaded the 39-page preview at http://www.duster.me. How's that for a segue?

Wow, Zak! Congratulations to you! I hope working in art is everything you dreamed it would be (he says, knowing nothing ever is.) Please send 10% of your current and future earnings to me at...

There's no platypus controlling me.

It's way too hard to write and draw an episode of that show to do it stoned. I certainly never did. You may come up with a good (or at least weird) idea when you're stoned, but you probably can't execute it worth a darn.

Don't be Squidward.

Porn is in the eye of the beholder... did it excite you?

By the way, have you beheld the 39-page preview of my new graphic novel, Duster? It's available here: http://www.duster.me SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT!

Perry's not really missing yet... but he will be soon. I know where he'll be but there's no force on heaven or earth that can make me tell.