George Clooney

It's true. That was a fun day. It's always fun when you play people younger than you and win. We're playing a bunch of six year olds tomorrow.

I actually have only one lonely eye. The other eye’s got nothin’ but friends.

Let me just tell you this. When Daniel Day-Lewis was spending all his time playing Lincoln, I was just fixing shoes. He's spending all the time focused on the hat, and the pipe, and getting into character, and I remained focused - with the overalls and the hammer.

Sparky the gay dog? It was sort of a surprise for me, I mean, here’s something odd, I had never played a dog before. To finally play Sparky the dog was something that I think pretty much completed my career.

I'm a cobbler, I like to make shoes.

It was Brad, we were shooting Oceans 12 in my hometown in Lake Como and he had a flier sent around saying George only wants to be called by his character’s name Danny Ocean, don't look him in the eyes, and it got into the local paper. As you know, jokes don’t translate at all, and they called me il divo, and said that I was treating the crew like shit. When it got into the paper I came downstairs and Brad had the paper in his hand, and I said “You’re mine from here on out.”

Brad just said, “Please don't harm my children.” Yeah, he’s done some pretty rotten things.

It took him a long time to figure it out. At first he figured out that I'd done it and then he found I spent the whole week planning it out. And if you know Richard Kind's work from Spin City or other things he's a big, loud guy. Once he fully realized what was going on, he just yelled, "I understand humor, defecation doesn't make me laugh." Which I suppose should go on someone's tombstone.

I just ask, why can’t we all get along? Tonight you’ve got the State of the Union and we know how harmonious Congress is. Can’t we be like Congress and just get along?

I was putting time in the Sudan, with all the conflict in Sudan, and now as they work through trying to make the newest country in the world work, I became very involved with John Pendergast. We were sitting in the desert on a satellite phone and someone was talking about what to wear to the Oscars, and I was sitting among people dying in the desert. It made me wonder how come you can google earth my home but not set up satellites to monitor what is happening here? And John said let’s make it happen. Basically we fund ourselves and we are able to track the true movements and see a lot of the atrocities in real time. We will have images up in a few days, in the hope to try to slow down or make it prohibitive. We’ll give them to the Hague and the images will be used against them. We’ve already given tons of actual atrocities, true movements, bombs being dropped on villages but they would claim it was tribal infighting when of course no tribe has these weapons.

I think I might be the cheapest date ever, $10. I’m literally the cheapest date anyone has ever been on. Check out http://www.omaze.com/clooney. It’s gonna be fun though, we are gonna get out of the car together, walk the Monuments Men red carpet, the paparazzi will take a bunch of pictures, we’ll go backstage at Letterman. You’ll get to see the other side of it all, which is unusual and fun.