IAmA boy with LESBIAN PARENTS. I was the first child to be mutually adopted by two people of the same gender in the state of Oregon. AMA

If someone says a "your mom" joke, does it hurt twice as much?

haha. It should right?

Do you and your moms ever talk about girls the way a son and his dad would? Or do you all turn around when a pretty girl walks by?

edit: I didn't mean as if sons and fathers talk about girls like they would with their buddies at the bar, I was trying to ask whether there was a connection between there seeing that he and his moms all like women. Maybe it can be embarrassing, but it's a bond nonetheless.

interesting and appropriately worded question. I do not speak about girls in a sexual or pejorative manner to my moms or anyone else. I don't think my parents are attracted to the same women I am attracted to. I don't find Ellen attractive. my parents are in their late 50s, I'm 24.

Why do you think a son and his dad would talk about girls in a sexual or pejorative manner?

hmm, interesting point. I believe I should retract that statement. You are right. I believe I just don't know what a father and son talk about in regards to women. I just assume it is similar to how most men talk to each other about women.

do you call them both mom? has there ever been any confusion with this?

hahahha. YES!! When I was younger I called one "momma" and the other "mommy." However, as I got older I found this to be too childish. The number of times I said "Mom. NO, not you the other one!" millions

Ever consider assigning them UUIDs?

You know, just to future-proof the problem. In case you get more moms.

Programming joke got downvoted. :( Have an upvote!

He should just hash them. Sha1 is highly regarded for this purpose.

I fail to see how hashing helps. They are both known as "mom" and hashing that will generate the same hash for both of them.

sha1 of "mom" in hex -> e5e0213249cd5bd8fb9d09bb50854072d3dfa7db

Im so lost on this thread...

M1 and M2. Solved. Then they can act like the bananas in pajamas

as a lesbian with a partner whose name is very similar to mine - I often wonder what we will do about this when the time comes!

yeah, it is what it is, confusing. momma and mommy worked well in early childhood.

I find this to be incredibly endearing. Your family sounds delightful. Thanks for doing this AMA.

you are welcome. Thanks for your kind words.

Did you ever go on family vacations? did people treat you differently b/c there were two moms ?

Did you ever get the impression that your parents were always conscious to avoid any situations where things might get hairy due to homophobia or something?

Good questions.

1. yes, of course we went on family vacations. I remember my parents complaining about how we received strange looks in Paris and how restaurants gave us poor service. I don't really remember any other time when I received poor treatment.

2. YEAH. My parents went to enroll me in grade school and the principal told them to enroll me in a different school because that school did not take kindly to "people like you." fucking crazy. So I went to a super liberal grade school in a different school district. I didn't know about this until much later in life.

we received strange looks in Paris and how restaurants gave us poor service

I can assure you that this had nothing to do with the sexual orientation of your parents...

hahaha. I have been back since and I agree. That is just what my parents said.

What school was it that rejected you? Curious Oregonian here.

Crest Elementary. And they did not reject me, they suggested my parents to take me somewhere else. different.

behind my moms' back

I would like to officially acknowledge and commend you for your correct apostrophe use. Keep up the good work, young man!

Thank you. I'm typing so fast I must be making a myriad of errors. I graduated college and not university of Phoenix

Was the mother who supplied the egg also the mother who carried you?

Yes

Were you bullied in school because of this or made fun of?

Yeah, at times. I live in a pretty liberal community, LIKE REALLY LIBERAL COMMUNITY, so there was not a lot of bullying, but some

I'm glad of that...People can be real asshats at times. Sounds like you've done quite well.

I do what I can

Couple ones for me. Did you have a Male role model? If not do you think you missed out on any male bonding stuff? Did you get made fun of? Has it ever embarrassed you?

Never been embarrassing. EVER. I never really had a male role model. Most, pretty much all, of my friends were/are boys. So if I missed out on anything, I wouldn't know

awesome thanks for answering!

You are very welcome

Hey, it's cool you're doing this. I'm a gay chick in PDX thinking about maybe marrying my girlfriend someday as if it's no big thing. It's weird how far we've come, huh? Kudos to your mothers for raising a bitchin' kid and you for being a loving son.

(I admit, I'm a little choked up reading how much you love your moms. As a small girl, I never thought this sort of thing was possible).

I wrote my college paper for the common app. on having lesbian parents. I love them so dearly; I am forever in debt for the lessons and love they have provided for me. I couldn't imagine life any other way

Biggie Or Tupac?

The flow side of me says Biggie, the west coast in me says Tupac. Biggie

How do you feel about the politics surrounding Gay Marriage, specifically the argument made by opponents that same sex couples can't raise a child properly?

Well, I graduated a top 50 small liberal arts school, making the deans list the last two years. I work 4 jobs at the moment and most people I meet seem to like me. I would say that argument is pretty idiotic and uneducated. Almost as idiotic and uneducated as 'gay parents raise gay children...'

Have you ever been in a political discussion of that nature and got to be like, "well, actually"....

YES!!! I have had maybe one or two debates with conservatives that had those spurious beliefs. The line "well, my parents are lesbians, and I'm straight" has a lot of clout.

How do they try to respond?

it's usually so shocking they clam up and back down. I also am 6ft 3in 200 lbs. It's pretty intimidating when I get heated about an issue. That comment is, in my memory, the end of the conversation.

How old now? Curious what kind of reactions you got from both teachers and classmates growing up.

Im 24 years old. I graduated college two years ago. Teachers LOVE IT. girls LOVE IT. It has honestly been my pickup line for the last few years.

How exactly does that pickup line work?

I just don't see it...

pickup line is the wrong word. I usually just tell a girl within the first few minutes of meeting them that my "moms" do or said something interesting or funny. this leads to "moms?" which leads to success. sometimes...

I just wanted to let you know that, when it comes to lawyer couples who work together, I know your feel bro.

Do you think that two attorney parents has made it easier or harder to argue with them or other people? I always got cross-examined when I was in trouble.

FUCK, always. Somehow my lie would unravel and I would end up contradicting myself.

How did your moms decide which one would conceive and carry you? I feel like that's an awfully hard decision to make.

you know, I don't know the answer to that. I never asked them. Sorry, some obvious questions I just have not thought to ask.

This is awesome! I'm a huge suporter of LGBT rights, and seeing someone like you--a successful human being who happened to have same-sex parents--makes me happy to know that all of the lies that get thrown around about children of same-sex couples are total crap. :)

That being said, I come from a very conservative hometown and haven't encountered anyone in this situation before, so please excuse my ignorance if any of these questions seem obvious or offensive!

Do you feel at all cheated out of having a father? Do you ever wish that you had been raised in the "typical" mother/father family situation?

Do you have any siblings? If so, did your parents use the same sperm donor and did the same parent carry you (and supply the eggs)?

What would you say has been the most rewarding thing about being raised by a same-sex couple?

Thanks for the AMA!

Do you feel at all cheated out of having a father? Do you ever wish that you had been raised in the "typical" mother/father family situation?

never, EVER. I am so lucky to have parents that care about me, whatever their gender

Do you have any siblings? If so, did your parents use the same sperm donor and did the same parent carry you (and supply the eggs)?

I feel more cheated because I never had any siblings. I really wanted a brother or sister. My parents said that they loved me so much they couldn't imagine having another child.

What would you say has been the most rewarding thing about being raised by a same-sex couple?

Women really like me to begin with and they like me even more when they learn my parents are lesbians.

Very cool, thanks for the answers! And I have to agree with you about having loving parents, no matter what their genders may be. Many, many kids aren't so lucky. And I could definitely see this being a plus with women! :) Again, thanks for the AMA!

Think about kids that have a single mother or single father. Sounds much more difficult. And thank you for your kind words.

Do religious assholes ever come up to you and try to say what your parents believe in is wrong? Or say that you are "a spawn from evil"?

I have a christian fundamentalist aunt. She has never said a word... She enjoys living.

Did you ever have "The sex talk" with your moms?

that was awful. They would get their male friends to talk with me sometimes. My moms got me a book and told me to read it. They should have talked to me more about sex, honestly. I just remember it being awkward, but I do not think that had anything to do with their gender, just I felt awkward about it.

Are you still in contact with the 'friend' who was the donor? Do you refer to him as family?

HELLLLL NO. Sperm Donor. In his emails, he wants me to call him "dad." I don't have a father. I have two mothers. I do have a sperm donor, that's him. I have emailed him a handful of times over the last few years. never any real interest in getting to know him. the comments below go into more detail.

Has it made you extremely good with women? I mean you were sort of surrounded by women growing up so you have a behind enemy lines so to speak view.

Do you think you aren't very masculine because of this? There is a great line in Fight Club about we are a society of men raised by women. Do you feel you have more feminine behaviors/characteristics having been raised only by women and not having a male role model?

Firstly, Yes. I can sweet-talk a middle aged woman better than anyone I know. Girls my age love it when I tell them my parents are lesbians.

Secondly, I played football and basketball in high school. You would probably describe me as pretty masculine-certainly you would not say that I am feminine. Remember, all my friends were boys. I had a lot of male influence from my friends growing up. I can't fix anything and I don't know the first thing about cars if you want to call that a "feminine behavior."

One day my partner and I are going to be moms together. What advice do you have from us from the child perspective?

have two children, at least. I really wish I had a sibling. Explain things to your child at a young age. AND GET LEGAL CUSTODY FOR BOTH YOU AND YOUR PARTNER, if possible. my parents are both lawyers and figured it out, but I think it is important. if you have any specific questions I would be happy to answer!

A little personal, but curious, have you been part of a study? So far random ones have been done, they show some difference between other males. Usually heightened levels of compassion, and dedication towards things.

Do you feel the above is accurate for you?

never been apart of a study. Never knew any existed, really. I think I have strong levels of compassion and love. This is totally my opinion and has no factual basis, but compared to my friends, I think I am more balanced than the average male. Totally subjective

Also, I am pretty open and expressive. I have no problem telling people I love them whether it's a girlfriend or a family friend or a friend. But maybe that's just how I am.

A lot of studies go around randomly about single parent mothers, and most of the time they co-inside with dual parent mothers. It's a lot about the social stigma is being raised, ie, how dad's tell kids not to cry, but mothers tend to let the kids cry it out when young. Stuff like that is thought to make a real difference later in life.

So maybe the fact you are so open is because of it.

Curious extremely unrelated, and there is no studies that I know of that back this, but do you have a strong self image of yourself? Or are you very self conscious. I'll stop bugging you after that one :P

Please, do not think of yourself as bugging. I am 6ft 3in, 200 lbs. both my parents are attorneys, they make a good amount of money. I graduated from a top liberal arts school. I work 5 jobs trying to make it in this shitty job market. I would say I'm too self confident, bordering on cocky. I think I need to tone it down a little and this has nothing to do with my parents, just me.

EDIT: I have 4 part-time jobs, but sometimes I hit a wrong key. My B

I don't know who you are but I'm proud of you.

I don't know who you are either, but I'm sure I would be proud of you too

My dad was raising me to be the kind of man he was. When he passed away, my mom and my sister raised me to be the kind of man they want a woman to be with.

haha. Lovely wording.

Were your moms' friends with your biological father before he filed the court petition. What I'm asking is, did you meet him? are you still in contact with him?

I was in weekly contact with him until I was in the second grade. I then stopped seeing him. I asked my parents a few weeks later why I wasn't seeing him anymore and they explained. I have not spoken with him since. He has attempted to get in contact with me my whole life. emails, bday presents, showing up randomly at my basketball games. Trying like hell to get in contact with me. Never really had much desire to talk to him.

what is your favorite kind of cheese?

goat cheese

Do you have a fun mom and a strict mom? (or are they pretty united in parenting you?) If so, in what ways? (I initially wanted to ask which one is which, but I realized I don't know either of them.)

both are somewhat loose. They are lawyers, so when I fuck up, I GOT DRILLED, but overall I would say they let me do what I wanted growing up, within reason of course. They gave me a lot of freedom.

Couple questions:

What was it like when you had friends over who's parents would come to meet your parents? Did they react differently when they saw that you had two mothers or were they accepting of it?

Did people in school act differently towards you because you had lesbian parents or did not many know? I have a close friend who was raised by two men and I've never seen any hate towards him, so I was wondering what it was like where you grew up.

1. my community is so liberal, I do not remember any weird parent-to-parent interactions.

2. everyone knew. my community is so liberal, and I am 6ft 200lbs, and I was always a HUGE kid growing up, I don't think anyone dared to make a mean comment. When I was older, one kid made fun of me once, but that was only once.