I delivered our baby daughter about 10 minutes after Google taught me how to. On Christmas day. AMA.

Do you plan to ruin your child's young life by treating Christmas and their birthday as a single holiday as far as gift-giving is concerned?

Add 6 months to their real birthday.

Lie to them for the rest of their life and celebrate it then.

do this but don't lie - My neighbors have a kid whos birthday is a couple days after Xmas and they said it always used to get lost in the Xmas season stuff (eg: family giving him a single Xmas + birthday gift).

For the last couple of years they pick a weekend in June or July and throw a big party for him. He loves his 'second birthday' and the weather is way better for a kids party.

I've had this as a suggestion already and reckon it might be a nice idea

I'm afraid that, financially, this will be the most likely outcome gift-wise, but I'm sure there'll be plenty of other ways of celebrating it

did google tell you to, "hold out your hands and let your wife do all the work?"

That was pretty much the gist of it! :)

How long after did placenta expulsion occur?

About 20 mins. Midwife was here by then so she took care of it

Yeah, that's why I get annoyed when someone other than the mother of the child says "I delivered the baby!". No, you assisted the mother - you know, the one that goes through all the pain and agony and hard work of pushing that child out for (usually) a multitude of hours. I think when someone says "I delivered" it negates or even obliviates the mother in the experience. It should be "I assisted", so that we acknowledged that the real work was done by the woman giving birth.

Nobody is negating anything. Of course the mother did all the hard work - that goes without saying. The fact of the matter is that your comment is factually incorrect: In England, where English comes from, 'to deliver' is to do the assisting

Happy Birthmas to your new daughter!

Thanks! I'm sure she'll hate the very idea when she's older :)

Any wise men show up yet?

Just the grandparents, so no.

For all the pedants here correcting this poor guy:

The verb to deliver can both mean "to give birth" (definition 2) and "to assist in the birth of" (definition 3). So just chill.

Yeh, in England 'to deliver' is to assist in the birth. ie. what the midwife/doc does.

What if it had been breech?

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This.

It was already in the right position. And there's no way the midwife would have allowed a home birth

There... there's an app for that?

There are plenty of pregnancy apps out there but these just tend to let you know the size of the foetus relative to various fruits

was it super gross?

Not in any way as unpleasant as I feared. My original plan was to spend no time whatsoever down the business end, but when you're trying to concentrate on catching a flying baby, then un-strangling the umbilical cord from around its neck, you don't really get much time for admiring the 'sights' :)

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Lisbeth

Is your last name Salander? If so, don't ever give her matches, you'll regret it.

No but that's where we first heard the name

Why did you have a home birth? Was it planned to be one?

Yes. My girlfriend wanted it, and had already been recommended the idea following the birth of her previous child. Evidently she's pretty handy at the old labour thing.

that must have been a terrifying, yet amazing experience. Did emergency services get called at all or were the google instructions sufficient? Congratulations and glad to hear mum and baby doing well. Nice work, Dad!!

Thanks! It was indeed but it all happened so fast. Ambulance turned up about 5 minutes afterwards and checked everything out, then the midwife arrived another 5 minutes after that

Do you enjoy Ferrero Rocher chocolates?

The missus enjoys ANY chocolates

Congratulations! What a beautiful baby!

A very similar situation happened with some friends of mine in New Orleans and they had a heck of a time getting the kid a birth certificate. Hope you don't run into any problems there.

That sounds a bit nuts. America is pretty fucked up when it comes to things like that though, isn't it? What was the actual problem?

That's pretty B.A...risky, but B.A. What was the scariest moment for you/your wife?

There were two equally scary moments:

1. When the head came half out (I could just see eyes/nose) and was completely lifeless while we waited for the next contraction.

2. The cord then being wrapped around the baby's neck, therefore preventing me from actually being able to lie her on her mother's chest. It was like undoing a tangles cable or something and I stil can't remember how I eventually managed it.

I would have shat my pants.

The first part is normal, though, right? Before their lungs are inflated, they generally look pretty damn docile.

The cord thing sounds horrific. Did you at any point think that you wouldn't manage untangling it and have to come up with a plan B?

Yes, but there was no plan B

So, now that you've seen it at its worst...you...you gonna go back...there?

As I've said before, it wasn't in any way as horrific as I feared, plus I didn't really get much time for taking in the scenery, so yes, of course. I think tonight might be out of the question though.

(I knew someone would ask this!!!)

You should contact Google about being in an ad for them. They don't really need ads, but this is pretty badass.

Or, lie and say you used Bing. Microsoft advertises, and has deep pockets.

Lol! See what MS would offer for a 'search and replace'?

youre going to have to name her 'google' now

This will almost certainly happen (nickname that is)

Congratulations! I was due the 23rd, and can say I am pretty glad she didn't show up yesterday. Today, however...that's another story. Let's get this ball rolling.

Yeh. She was nearly two weeks late. The waiting just gets unbearable. Congrats anyway. Hope everything goes well!

What amazing thing did you do during the process that you didn't expect you were able to do?

I think the main one was not passing out! There was also a point where I seriously couldn't figure out how to get the cord from around its neck and I'm still wondering now how I got past that obstacle.

Congratulations! I just told your story to my husband. It's amazing and a bit funny that you googled how to do this, and just went ahead and did it! It will be a great story to tell your daughter someday. Congrats on not passing out or freaking out...you are already an awesome father.

Didn't have any other choice. Everything just progressed so quickly and the midwife was 20 mins away. Good advert for iPhones I guess!

It will be a great story to tell her one day. I'm already thinking of nicknaming her Google.