I'm Dylan Moran, I do stand up in theatres and mess around in television and movies. Today I'm at the Conan O 'Brien show to shoot the breeze about the tour I'll be doing in October and November across America and Canada.

Every time I see you walking around Edinburgh you look grumpy and I'm too scared to talk to you. Should I say hi next time?

Definitely not. Trust your instincts. Also I can smell fear.

How do you escape the existential dread that inevitably sets in around 4pm on a Sunday afternoon?

change the clocks.

Dylan Moran you score an A in my book, second only to the A+ reserved for your hair.

Does your life feel surreal to you at all? What would your younger self say if you could go back and time and tell him what happens in the future?

I would say, “Get out my room - weird, creepy, fat man”

Hey Dylan, you're my favourite stand-up of all time and I will always love Black Books. My question is simple:

What finally convinced you to join the internet? I never thought I'd see the day!

I haven't. I'm surrounded by wizards who are asking me questions.

Hello. Do a lot of people ask you to quote black books when they see you in public, and if so, do you get tired of it?

No, I don't, but I would certainly get tired of it if it did

Hi Dylan, "A film with me in it" is one of my favourite Irish comedies. Why do you think Irish humour revolves so much around death?

There are very few things that are free, you know?

Dylan whats your opinion on hecklers? Do you hate them for ruining the flow? Or welcome them for the comedic back-and-forth?

I love them for their individual stories. I admire their struggles. Yet some of them need to be killed.

What is your least favorite American food?

fruit.

So if I came to your show in Boston, dressed as you for halloween, and sat near the front row, would you judge me?

I think we've already done that.

Need to ask for research purposes, did you actually drink during black books?

No but very occasionally yes. Because if you ingest too much ordinary grape juice during a shoot you can grow scales so we would occasionally substitute wine. So yes. But to be fair it was very infrequent.

Hi Dylan, in all the stand up tours you have done, which show stands out the most in your memory, for whatever reason?

Also, can you please do a show in Christchurch, NZ? We like funny people here, I promise.

You have a fundamental misunderstanding of what memory is. The words "memory" and "tour" negate each other.

How annoying is doing this IAMA for you?

Its all part of the great learning curve that YOU millenials have foisted on my generation that we never expected. We thought we could just mooch around choosing increasingly less structured clothing and easier to eat snacks. Instead, we have to keep up with you on the hamster wheel of relentless and pointless technological advancement in the name of economic growth like a smore on a stick. And also, you are probably responsible for the word "smore," and "smores," which is really just a marshmallow. But easier to eat.

Can you tell us more about the six books you wrote that are shown on your website? Will you be bringing copies along on the tour?

They are small, portable, contain text and images and will do you no harm.

Well Dylan, I've seen you a good few times in Belfast and Dublin, always been great. We obviously get your comedy very well here, but how have you found that translates abroad, especially in non-English speaking countries?

Also, what make ye of the absolutely huge cult following that Black Books has? I was at a Black Books quiz in Dublin not long ago and it was jam packed. Nice wine lollies, but.

Generally it goes very well, borne aloft by the enthusiasm and interest of the audience and my keenness to meet them in the middle. I'm gratified when people come to those places because it can be hard to understand comedy in a second or third language. I do everything I can to help us get something going.

I'm glad that people enjoy Black Books. I'm not surprised at the kind of following it has is somewhat culty. While it's not for everyone we made it with a lot of care. We were quite ferocious about making it in the way that we wanted to.

who are your comedic inspirations?

Don DeLillo , S. J. Perelman, Mark Bell the cartoonist, Charles Simic, Frederick Seidel, Sharon Olds, Mark Twain, Gene Wilder, there's loads of people.

If you couldn't make a living doing comedy, what kind of job do you think you'd be doing and why?

What a frightening question. I think i would try various things as I starved.

Im reading all the answers in your voice, is that weird for you?

i think its weird for you that you think you're reading the answers in my voice. You're reading them in your voice. And also, aren't you supposed to be somewhere else doing something?

What is your best advice for somebody in their mid 20s struggling to make sense of their life?

Just relax. Everything suddenly becomes so blissfully easy in your 30s 40s and beyond.

Hi Dylan, have you ever considered writing a musical/comedy show for theatre with Bill Bailey?

I've considered writing several musical comedies and I may do one before too long. Because, you know, I would get to make other people sing and dance, and who wouldn't like to do that, really?

Black books is my favourite sitcom by a long shot - but were you ever actually drunk while filming?

Please see my reply to DavidBlunkettsDog

Hi Dylan, I’m a huge fan of your stand-up and black books kills me everytime I watch it – you make me laugh so hard I cry – so my question for you is: What makes you laugh really hard?

The universal stimuli. Anger, relief, surprise, frustration, promises.

Hullo Dylan. Massive fan. Is Bill Bailey actually a beard with an idiot hanging off it?

Also, as you get older, has your opposition to appearing on panel shows waned at all? Would love to see you on something like WILTY or QI.

They're not for me. But who knows maybe I'll need an urgent kidney procedure and then I'll definitely need them.

Hello Mr. Moran! Huge fan of your stand up and Black Books! Do you have a favorite episode of the show? Also, do you have a favorite American comedian?

I like Patton Oswald

Generally, how long does it take to write and perform a stand-up routine for a tour like the one you are doing now?

Anywhere between 10 seconds and 20 years.

Hey Dylan! I'm a huge fan. I saw your standup in Australia where you talked about replacing smoking with eating. What's your favourite meal and any advice for people looking to quit smoking?

Franks and beans. If you want to quit smoking, just ingest them all day and don't give yourselves any gaps.

Is there anything you won't joke about?

I'm not especially interested in making fun of other people's pain.

Dylan. Love your standup! Love you in Black Books.

I'm sure you've been asked before. What is your creative process when making a new stand up set?

Also, are there any comedians who you really identified with starting out?

Richard Pryor, like most people. He was the best thing. Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. Nichols and May were great, and not many people know of them now; they were so fearless.

Why does your elbow hurt?

I can't tell you. It's a very long story. It involves an Arabian horse a library on fire in Cairo, three bell hops, a quantity of wicker, one past its best eggplant and a silent but intensely charismatic lemur called Frank.

So how much of black books actually reflected you personally?

I think black books reflects things are funny - and elements of my personality - so really, its the look and fell and sound of it are things i am interested in, including the struggle of sustaining the will to live and the importance of refreshments

Loved your work in Black Books. When will you be back on TV, if at all?

I did something but I don't know when it's on.

Dylan, you old curmudgeon,

I've been thinking about taking a trip to Ireland, do you have any lesser-known places that are must visits? See you at your gig in Ottawa!

Cheers.

Scotland. And all the green bits without people.

I've been a fan for years so I'm super excited to see you on tour in New York. What are you looking forward to the most on this tour?

I'm looking forward to getting to know the places. Some for the first time. Some places I have a relationship with, some I don't. It takes a while to get to grips with anywhere, especially countries like Canada or the US. I want to have a good time and understand what's going on where I am.

Hi Mr Moran, I once saw you perform in Moscow, and was curious to know how you liked it over there. Were people friendly?

People were great in Moscow.

Thanks for making me laugh so much with Black Books! Is there a city you'd love to perform in, that's not on your tour list this time around?

I'm really bummed out about not getting to Birmingham Alabama because it's in so many songs. Also if I was there maybe I could have some interesting minor injury and I could say "I've exploded my left knee at the dog track in Birmingham Alabama. I don't have any money but I can pay you with this garlic baguette".

Whats the stupidest question (aside from this one) you've ever been asked?

I'm almost afraid to say because someone will deliberately ask me again - but i think, "Where do you get your ideas from?" would be it.

As a miserable sarcastic bastard with a view of pursuing comedy writing, you have been one of my main influences.

Who were your inspirations and what kind of things influence your writing?

Chekhov short plays

What do you think about life?

Is this a real question? Are you a real person? How do you feel about your current state as a possibly non-real person? Are you in fact, alive? How can you be sure you're not trapped in a world which is in fact a simulacrum of the conditions you are interpret as programmatic life? Maybe you need to change your serial?

What's the one question you wish people would ask but never do and what's the answer?

Also, Guinness or Murphy's?

Guinness. One, every three years.

Hi Dylan! What book(s) are you reading?

Sharon Olds. And I’m currently reading “The Pocket History of America” and a short book on Canada.