I'm John Mulaney, I'm a comedian, and my new show "Mulaney" premieres tonight on FOX. AMA.

Hi John, My name is Zack Pearlman. I'm actually a co-worker of yours. I have a question for you. Can I have a raise? Thank you in advance.

I know what you make because I am the Creator and Executive Producer and I sign off on the budget. I will tweet your salary if you bother me again. See you tonight Zack!

You were great in The Inbetweeners.

thank you :)

yuck

We love your bit about Ice-T in the sex crimes division. Have you ever met Ice-T? Do you think he's heard your joke?

He not only heard it; he did the intro to his new show.

This is correct. Ice does the intro to our show. Hearing him say Mulaney was a highlight of my life so far.

your dog is great. i like your dog's instagram. is your dog going to be in your television show? i'd like to be friends with your dog. will your dog do an AMA? is your dog free for coffee sometime

I wish Petunia could be on the show but she doesn't really respond to the sound of my voice so I doubt she would sit still to be filmed.

Did you ever end up getting that Xanax prescription?

No but when I told that story on stage the night it happened some people in the crowd gave me xanax.

How does it feel to be high-waisted man with feminine hips?

Annoying. I mean I wish I felt better when I tucked my shirt in but I never will.

I was wondering if being friends with Pete Holmes and Nick Kroll has any effect on your new show? Do you run ideas by them ?

Both Nick and Pete will be on upcoming episodes!

Hey John! Has your experience with Delta Airlines improved at all?

The last time I flew Delta airlines I almost went through security with a friend's weed in my backpack. I quickly ducked out of line and flushed it. I was very lucky. After making fun of Delta I doubt they would have been merciful.

What was the process of coming up with the comedic genius of "Too Much Tuna"?

Nick and I came up with Too Much Tuna in five seconds with Jessi Klein about ten years ago at a restaurant on 6th avenue called French Roast. We got a plate with too much tuna and we said "this is too much tuna."

Are you planning on turning any of your bits into plots on the show?

Yes. The first episode opens with two stories I have told onstage. Tonight at 9:30 on FOX. Sorry, but it makes sense to plug it here.

What's the worst decision you have ever made? What's the best decision?

Worst decision: not taking an algebra placement exam in 8th grade which would have let me skip Algebra 1 freshman year of high school. the night before the test I went to see the movie Twister and then I cancelled taking the test because I didn't study. I had to take Algebra 1 in high school and the ripple effect meant I had to take Calculus 1 in college. Huge mistake. And I didn't even like Twister that much.

Do you have anymore blackout/ ruin party stories you could share?

Yes many. Most not that funny. Most very boring. I once blacked out and bought a humidifier. And I needed a humidifier.

What’s your advice for someone just starting in comedy?

Start a show. Host the show. at a bar or any space. then you have guaranteed stage time and you do other comics favors by giving them spots so then they will give you spots on their shows. also hang out a lot at comedy clubs.

Thanks for the questions. My show MULANEY premieres tonight on FOX at 9:30 PM/8:30 PM CENTRAL right after "Family Guy." I sincerely hope you like it. This was fun. Thanks. JM

What's new, pussycat?

EDIT: originally said "What's up, pussycat?"

I think you mean "What's NEW pussycat." And nothing much. Thanks!

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Thanks for saying that. Really.

Hi John! As a fellow Hoya, I have to ask: what did you like/dislike about attending Georgetown?

PS: Saw your show at Gramercy Theater last week. I was so excited that MY STOMACH HURT

I liked most things about Georgetown. I miss it a lot. I kind of liked that Birbiglia, Kroll and me and the Improv group were the only people doing comedy there. We had little competition.

What's your all time favorite Stefon bit? And what are your other favorite SNL bits?

My favorite Stefon thing ever was "three screaming babies in mozart wigs" because it made my wife laugh really hard.

Yo John, did you step on the glass when you married that angel of a Jewess?

Mazal Tov on the marriage and welcome to the tribe!

I stepped on a lightbulb because they break easier. Thanks! I am the luckiest man in the world.

Are you a San Pellegrino, a SodaStream, or a generic seltzer guy?

Penguin. Home made

Favorite moment while writing for SNL?

Too many to name. I would say the very very late nights writing with Marika Sawyer and Simon Rich. We would laugh and laugh and laugh. It was so fun. I cannot express in words how fun it was.

Are you planning on touring again once Mulaney is done shooting?

Yes.

Hey! I'm a huge fan and I'm excited for tonight!

Do you ever miss living in DC?

I do miss DC. It's such a weird hazy city late at night. I remember riding around (drunk) in a cab in Foggy Bottom when I was younger thinking, "so much weird, sinister, amazing stuff has happened in this city."

Is Petunia excited for tonight?

She could not care less. Literally doesn't even look at the TV when one of those promos comes on.

how much money do you make a year (after taxes)?

I get paid $2000 to write the show and then for my acting I have to give back the $2000.

Do you think you would ever want to collaborate with Donald Glover on anything? Like for his show Atlanta possibly? You guys seem to have a lot in common.

I love Donald. I haven't seen him in a while. We were at Bumbershoot several years ago. That may be the last time. I love that guy.

Hey John - looking foward to watching your show tonight and since you're a great comedian I was wondering....

What is your favorite joke of all time?

I never have a good answer for this. Any joke by Dave Attel, Todd Glass or Mitch Hedberg probably. Also Paul F Tompkins joke about Fabio is way high up there.

Hey, John I'm a huge fan, totally excited for your show!

For my friends who aren't huge fans, why should they watch your show?

Even if you don't know me or don't like me, the rest of the cast is outstanding. Martin Short and Elliott Gould are amazing. And I think this is some of the best work Nasim Pedrad has ever done. Seaton Smith and Zack Pearlman are about to be huge stars.

John! I love your work! You are my number one comedian! I was wondering if you have any stories you don't tell about you and your friend John? I would totally appreciate it.

Yes many. He is my best friend and was my best man. He has been cooler than me our whole lives. I have always looked up to him. He also got tons more women than me. It was just embarrassing.

You obviously enjoy seltzer, what would you say is your favorite snack food? Saltines?

I like popcorn these days.

Who's your favorite SNL Character? (Besides Stefon of course.)

My favorite character was Forte's Hamilton. Of ones I wrote (besides Stefon?) would be Fred Armisen's RILEY maybe?

When you were at a SNL, did you write anything for Nasim Pedrad? And how instrumental were you in her casting for Mulaney?

I cast her so very. And yes! I wrote Arianna Huffington with her.

Do you like filming in LA rather than New York?

I like that in LA i get to work with the people I do. But I miss New York a lot.

Hey John, I've been a big fan of your standup for a few years now. I had tickets to your show at Syracuse University in a few weeks but it got cancelled. Do you know why that happened or if there's a chance it'll get rescheduled?

I had to move several shows because our production calendar changed. I run the TV show so its impossible for me to get away. BUT I feel terrible about the cancellations. I am trying hard to reschedule those and will make it up to you all. You have my word. I'll do an extra long show even to the point that I run out of decent material.

Can we expect any future oh hello appearances on comedy bang bang or kroll show?

Yes.

what's your favorite song?

TVC 15 BY DAVID BOWIE.

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she cuts my hair and you should buy her book THE DAILY FACE: 25 LOOKS FOR DAY NIGHT AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN.

Hi, John. My friends and I all consider you one of the best stand-up comedians around, so I've been waiting to ask you a couple questions:

1. What is your favorite episode of Seinfeld?

2. Have you ever almost peed yourself onstage?

3. On your new show, will there be new material? In the trailers it seems like you're re-doing some jokes off your albums. We've listened to them all.

4. How do your parents feel about you going to Georgetown to become a comedian?

5. How can I convince my friend to do stand-up?

6. Who is your favorite active comedian? For us, it's a toss-up between you and Hannibal Burress. What about all-time? Who inspires you?

1. The Library book one.
2. Todd Glass, Paul F Tompkins, Dave Attel

As a proud full grown Asian woman, what did you have for breakfast today?

Oatmeal

Hi john! It's my birthday tomorrow can you wish me a happy birthday?

Happy Birthday

What's your favorite quote from the Assassination of Jesse James and have you ever used it on Pete?

"perhaps you could indulge us in some conversations" or "you don't have to smoke that if its making you mungy."

Thanks for doing an AMA! I love your stand-up. Do you have a pre-show routine for live shows and what's been your favorite experience on the set of your new show? And who's your favorite famous person?

For live shows I have no routine. Taylor Williamson once caught me doing push-ups backstage so I never did that again. One of my favorite experience on the set of my show was watching my friend Pete Holmes improvise for a half hour while I got to watch.