I am comedian Chris D'Elia (from Workaholics and other things). Ask me anything.

Chris, I'm disappointed your username isn't BeiberHole69.

No way bro. Tryin' to evade the cops my main man.

aaaand so slow to respond aaaand so slow

hehehehehehehehehe

Woah, my name is also Chris D'Elia. I'm yet to meet or hear of anyone else with it as well. I nearly had a heart attack when it said I was doing an AMA.

My question is, are you a Christopher or a Christian?

If you use my name to fuck a woman I'll find you bro.

Would you rather…Change gender every time you sneeze? Or not be able to tell the difference between a muffin and a baby?

I mean, that's the worst question I have ever heard in my life.

I would choose the muffin baby thing because they are both so delicious.

but really, what is s'cutest thing you've ever seen?

Me in a onesie.

A month ago.

Is your hair insured?

No. But that's because I shave it every night when I go to bed when I wake up it's fully grown out again.

Can you please post more beautiful versions of songs on Vine? You have the voice of an angel.

I have the voice of a drunk, abusive angel. And I only do them when the songs play on the radio. I never set it up. I always just record whatever comes on the radio.

Insult me please. I am a chubby ethnic man from upstate NY.

You just did that yourself.

What made you choose the username Bieberhole69?

In all seriousness one of my favourite Workaholics episodes of all time

I didn't choose that. That was in the script.

Why is Bryan such a BKJ? Aside from him knowing s'little bout comedy that is.

Because he is 79 years old.

How can I get more bow'jahs. would help mmmuh very much.

Walkroun w'y'dich'out.

When do you feel a grilled cheese stops being a grilled cheese with toppings and becomes a grilled sandwich with cheese. As in ratio of toppings to cheese, or types of toppings?

Hey man. You are 100 percent crazy and that's completely obvious.

How come I shouldn't take advice from guys in weird hats?

Because if somebody is making such a poor decision on something that's on their head, you should not trust their life advice.

Hey Chris D'Elia! Welcome to Reddit, and at the same time, I'm sorry:) I know this question is kinda personal, but Would you rather have sex with a goat and no one will ever know, or not have sex with a goat and have the whole world think you did? If you don't answer we will have to assume it's the first one..

I'd rather not have sex with a goat and just use that pain and suffering for my comedy and my act, that everyone thought I did. My next special would be "I swear I did not have sex with that goat."

CHRIS FUCKING D'ELIA YOU'RE MY IDOL. honestly though, just thank you for being so funny. your vines keep my friend and i entertained for days. also, your stand up bit about the deer being shot had me pee my pants...literally.

Thank you man! Love it.

What do you do to deal with hecklers?

I hate when people interrupt my show. But when they do, I secretly want to ruin their night…with humor. At their expense. I never don't try to 100% completely humiliate them. #cute

biggie smalls or tupac?

If you were a real Chris D'Elia fan, you wouldn't even ask me that question.

Hi, Chris, I loved you on Whitney, you were awesome and I was so sorry to see the show go! I think you're hilarious! :) Silly questions:

1. What makes you laugh?
2. Are you ticklish? If so where and are your feet ticklish?

Hope this makes you smile, have a great Christmas! jo X

1 My family and when people hit their head

2 I am ticklish. The area I am most ticklish in is Sacramento.

Chris, making a sub sandwich right now... Provolone or swiss cheese?

I love both MAN!!!!

Chris, one late night while home alone in the early days of high school I was scouring the HBO channels for softcore porn, and instead found your bit on Live Nude Comedy and it was hilarious. Just want to say I'm glad I discovered your stand up instead of watching Lord of the G-Strings for the 12th time, and I've been a fan ever since.

Hahahahaha thank you!!!

Are you wearing pants right now?

I'm at home, so you do the math.

Can we get married? I promise I'm cute.

No because you're probably 14.

I remember watching your set from a while back at the Laugh Factory, when the weird couple interrupted making a bunch of strange noises.

Ever find out what happened to those two?

They're in my basement.

Ay yo breh where yo beef with Drake at? It still runnin? Ain't worth sheete? Fill me in doe

You have a terrible command of the English language.

I like Drake's music. I always have. But he is just so easy to make fun of.

Doe.

If they were to make a movie about 10 Minute Podcast, obviously you and Will would play y'selves, but who would you recast as Bryan if Don Rickles weren't available?

A dead guy.

Who is your personal favorite comedian of all time?

Eddie Murphy.

Do you love me as much as I love you?

I sure hope not.

When is Chank Smith going to do an AMA? You're cool but you don't rap

He is busy in Primm right now and I'm pretty sure they don't get internet.

Chris! How do you prep to get on stage?

I do it so much that I don't even think about it. I just go onstage. I perform at least once a night.

Chris, you are by far my favorite comedian and I first heard about you on Conan a while back and thought you were hilarious so I told people to follow you on vine an twitter and shit. I also bought a s'cute shirt and I wear it with pride. I'm also a fan of TMP and you are my favorite but shh. Hehe.

heheheheheheeheheheehehehehehehehe.

Top five movies??

my top 5 movies are

Swingers Husbands by John Cassavetes Mulholland Drive Eyes Wide Shut American Animal

Tell us more about your dogs

They piss and shit in the house a lot. I would tell you which one I like more but they are looking at the computer screen right now and both can read.

Their names are Sam and Butters.

Butters just shit on the keyboard.

you were great on whitney, are you doing another sitcom?

I have another one coming out on NBC next year called Undateable.

What's the most obnoxious thing Bryan has done on TMP lately?

Farted in the microphone.

In your standup you say you say you performed at a bar way deep in the valley and pissed off a lady. What's the name of that bar?

Liquid Zoo.

No question, just want to let you know that your deer impression is impeccable.

If you like that, then you should see my T-Rex impersonation.

What do you like doing more? Stand up or acting.

Stand Up.

Favorite books and podcasts? Big fan, thanks for doing the AMA.

Favorite books are The Catcher in the Rye and Ham on Rye. I only read books with Rye in the title.

I don't listen to podcasts because they are all 7 hours long. That's why I made the 10 minute podcast.

Has Vine started paying you money yet?

Fuck no. They would have to pay me A LOT of money to promote shit for them or their sponsors. Hehehehehe. NEVERNOTCUTE

How much of your standup comedy is improv on the stage? Do you start with a general idea and build based on the audience or is it all pretty well scripted?

I start with an idea and work it out on stage. I don't write my stuff down.

Top 3 favourite Vine accounts?

There are only bad vine accounts. Mine included.

What was your first standup routine like?

It was seven minutes long. And I was so nervous that I wore a hole in the carpet walking back and forth before the show.

It went well. But I saw video of it years later and I couldn't even get through watching it.

How did you get s'cute? Also, I'm a deliever…do we have meetings or some shit?

Why don't you spearhead the meetings? I'll come. And then I'm s'cute because I understand what cute is. I don't try to be cute.

Cute for real.

Cute for life.

Cute til six men carry me.

NEVERNOTCUTE.

When Mirrors by Justin Timberlake gets stuck in my head, it's stuck in my head sung by your voice. Why?

Because I sing it better!

Have you and Whitney Cummings ever hooked up? Be hooooooonest. She's hot

Never. I don't do that shit. I keep it real street when I'm on set.

Why are German muzhafuckas so scary?

Because nobody's creepier than Germans.

Last night, I tweeted at you saying you were the funniest person on Earth. For one second, by favouriting my tweet you acknowledged my existence, so thanks for that.

Always appreciate your support, thank you.

How funny is Whitney Cummings really? Because she seems hilarious. Please let her be hilarious in real life!

I love that woman she is hilarious.

Do you and Comedy Central pick one of the two shows you performed for your special or mix bits from both?

It's mostly from the second one. But we used a few parts from the first show.

Why do you appear somewhat ghetto and unintelligent and slangy in some comedy performances on YouTube but pretty intelligent in your vines and other videos?

I guess I don't know what you're talking about. I'm always messing around and having fun. So maybe you're just catching my vibeeeeeees brooooo.

Was there ever a time that you almost gave up comedy? If so, what happened?

I can honestly say that there was never a time when I remotely thought about that.

Do you keep in touch with Aaron Paul after Bad Girls of Valley High?

Yes. He's a friend. Love him.

What was happening during the vine you made where that truck exploded?

Who knows!??!?!?

Serious question, What do you look for in a woman?

She has to be able to laugh at herself. Also looks? Is that bad?