Karl Welzein here, the President and CEO of Bad Boy City, USA. And author of "POWER MOVES: Livin' The wwAmerican Dream, USA Style." Pre-order the book at www.karlwelzein.com ------ Whoa. Kinda bombed. Also, gotta go grunt one. Thanks, you guys. POWER MOVES. Pre-order for July 9 at www.karlwelzein.com (Man, so pumped. Gonna go crap, then hit Chili's? Who knows. Time for a celebraish. USA.)

Comments: 475 • Responses: 85  • Date: 

ilovemypug72 karma

If you could drink trunk liquor in the parking lot of the 'Bee's with any three people -- who would you choose?

KarlWelzein79 karma

Stone Cold. Bob Seger. Kid Rock.

freakboat54 karma

R.I.P. Peanut

KarlWelzein53 karma

Think about him everyday.

lukepeacock52 karma

Some corncob is downvoting every question in this thread. Kinda concerning?

KarlWelzein118 karma

Don't know what downvoting is. Who cares. Probably has time to make carnal passions to his own backdoor with his downvote thumb next though.

extramask39 karma

What happened to the boat?

KarlWelzein75 karma

Crap. Should probably check on that.

VanoFantasma27 karma

BL 'Nums or a bottle of Crown?

KarlWelzein90 karma

Both, kemosabe.

2SmokesLetsGo24 karma

Two questions:

  • Where did you twitter handle come from? Just a little guy humor?
  • Did you ever get a chance to speak to Ann about the basement tobasco underwear incident?

KarlWelzein19 karma

Just some guy humor.

After Ann finds out about POWER MOVES, she'll be dreamin' 'bout my wet Tabasco Boxers, 24/7, 365. Open on Sundays.

redjameskidd24 karma

What are your feelings on the Nosey Lady situaish? Last time the two of you were in the same room, she was making a beeline for your guy zone. Maybe some unfinished business there?

She might even be able to pull some strings and get your old office gig back. Then you'd be making the kind of scratch where you could buy the mobile home of your dreams and take a break from the all-freedom, on-the-road lifestyle.

KarlWelzein24 karma

Nosey probably stays up all night with thoughts on my peener. Don't think I could go back to work there 'cause she'd be distracted by my vibes.

After POWER MOVES, I'll probably be rollin' in big bank like a boss player, callin' my own shots.


  1. Would you ever have carnal buttcheeks passions (ha!) with Dave's lady friend?

  2. Who's the more macho bad boy, Diamond Dave or the Sammy Hagar?

  3. Bratato Salad recipe please, piled high with all the fixins.

KarlWelzein31 karma

  1. Not never gonna eat off Dave's dirty plate.
  2. Depends on the year.
  3. It's: tato salad with brat chunks in it. Serve at your next celebraish.

JstnBsn13 karma

I hope his next book is a recipe book.

KarlWelzein30 karma

After Power Moves, I'd say anything is possible. Might even hook up with my main man Guy or Sammy Hagar for a bad boy collab? Man.

freakboat19 karma

I like to think this is Dave

KarlWelzein14 karma

Don't know those corncobs.

lukepeacock17 karma

This nosey lady at my work says Guy Fieri is a corncob. What should I say to shut her down?

KarlWelzein49 karma

Tell that Nosey Lady that a real man like Guy Fieri wouldn't upchuck his eggs on her is she was topless and on fire.

angry_greek16 karma

Who wins a fight; Guy Fieri or Barry from Storage Wars?

KarlWelzein35 karma

That's some student and master crap. Too hard to think about. Best to just let the universe decide.

IDidntSeeNuthin15 karma

Karl, what's going on with the K-Money Club? Last I heard it was closed for renovations.

KarlWelzein36 karma

Unfortunately, the K-Money Club was closed due to a restroom hazard beyond our control.

mutateme15 karma

which liquor is the best trunk liquor?

KarlWelzein54 karma

The kind in your trunk.

lukepeacock14 karma

Would you rather see Bob Seger get elected president or bring Peanut (RIP) back to life?

KarlWelzein41 karma

Seger as CIC. Can just hear Peanut if you brought him back, "Yo why'd to bring me back to this motherf*cker K-Money?! I was drinkin' with Teddy Pendergrass in swagged out heaven!"

LTMixwell14 karma

K-Money, what's it like carrying around Lethal Weapon 1 & 2 every day? Do you need permits?!

KarlWelzein87 karma

The real permit I need is for Lethal Weapon 3. (Ha! Just some guy humor there.)

Regards013 karma

Dreets are great and everything, but what about flaming hot cheeto's?

KarlWelzein45 karma

I got nothin' against Flamin' hots. Bold flavors. More of thing for street kids hangin' out deep frenchin' at a bus stop though.

mcnuggets61312 karma

Hey K-man, how are things with you and Anne?

KarlWelzein25 karma

We're just fine, thank you very much. Of course she still craves my bod. Everything's more up to my hectic schedule.

fairwaykristen12 karma

Karl, what's the latest with Captain Karl's Pizza Ship? Where do I inquire about franchising rights for my area?

KarlWelzein29 karma

'Sup, babe. The CK 'Za Ship could take off at ANY time. Just a matter of gettin' the dough together. Who knows, if the POWER MOVES book makes millions of $$$, might be in the next couple weeks?

fitnessdbag12 karma

If you could have carnal passions with any babe, who would it be?

KarlWelzein51 karma

Any? Ha! Pickin' uno ain't my style. Is Kate Upton mixed with Jamie Lee Curtis in more primo times an answer? Man.

ruddiger2211 karma

Hey Karl - Got an anniversary coming up with my wife - what do you suggest I get her as an anniversary gift? I already gave her Guy Fieri's cookbook last year, and am totally stumped.

KarlWelzein33 karma

Giver a copy of Power Moves and ANYTHING from Zales. Adult passions all night long, guaranteed.

bigtuna21611 karma

You seen Crazy Coot lately? Just whizzed on Dave and then disappeared. Kinda concerning?

KarlWelzein35 karma

Crazy Coot could always maybe be dead. That's just Cooter's way, you guys.

stacyakoon11 karma

  1. Any idea how many copies of Power Moves have been pre-ordered?
  2. What color Camaro you gunna buy when you make it big?

KarlWelzein32 karma

Black. Bad Body style. Guy's kinda got the lock down on red. Also, I'm probably not gonna buy it. 'Maro's are so much smoother as a gift. (wink, finger guns, book company.)

KarlWelzein30 karma

S'up, Stace. Just found out about Power Moves today. Haven't even had a chance to digest the facts or grunt one out over some thoughts on it.

dildocave11 karma

I'm having a sub par day. What kind of power moves do I need to turn it around?

KarlWelzein37 karma

Sounds like you need a Timehouse pick me up.

matttothefuture10 karma

Getting ready to move in with my girl and don't want her lady crap crampin' my style. Any advice?

KarlWelzein36 karma

Don't move in with your girl then, amigo. Nightmare.

RusDelva10 karma

Whatever happened to Captain Karl's Pizza Ship? Bold flavors, wenches with chest beefers, cheetos on anything for a dollar... seems like a no brainer money making situaish. How can I invest?

Edit: kickstarter?

lukepeacock8 karma

Kickstarter! Might be cool?

KarlWelzein10 karma

Heard that's some computer beggin' crap. Not my style.

KarlWelzein2 karma

After POWER MOVES comes out, ($$$) might open up coast to coast?


After they hear about POWER MOVES, which babe will come crawlin' back first for a piece of the captain? Jody, Anne, or Brenda??

KarlWelzein41 karma

Who knows? Might not even have time for farm team when I move up to the majors.

dipcity10 karma

Karl, what sort of celebraish you got planned for America's birthday?

KarlWelzein44 karma

Start with a thousand beers. End with a thousand babes. USA.

A2K4A8K10 karma

Any update on the Van Halen frankenstrat tattoo?

KarlWelzein37 karma

Thing about a VH Frankenstrat tattoo, is once you get it, you can kiss the clock goodbye 'cause all your time is gonna be tickin' with 24/7 exotic babes from coast to coast.

Upstream1510 karma

Karl, does pain hurt?

KarlWelzein38 karma

Pain's just a state of mind. Me? I like to keep my mind on rockin'.

Billmurrionaire9 karma

Karl, I've got into a pretty heated argument last night with my old lady about golfing with my buddy, Frank the Tank. She doesn't have any problem spending $30 on some stupid crap from Bed Bath and Beyond (more like Bed Barf and Beyond, right?), but if I want to spend $30 on a round of golf, all of a sudden we're the poorest people on the block. What should I tell her to get off my back?

KarlWelzein28 karma

Don't say crap. Just go do what you want. You're an adult, kemosabe.

Romasterer9 karma

What is the secret to drinking 1000 beers?

KarlWelzein28 karma

Light beer.

urnexus19 karma

As a bold flavor man from way back, I spend a good amount of time in the work john myself. Mostly I just have my phone in there for reading and thinking, catching up on your all freedom lifestyle, but what do you think about bringing in food, drinks, maybe some tunes? The works, really? I know you've escaped the office slave cage but you have so much to offer.

KarlWelzein26 karma

The john is a great place for snackin', snoozin', sheddin' a man tear, or havin' a snack. And if you can get a little tube in there to catch the Tigs? Man.

lukepeacock9 karma

How many 'shups in the john can you do? I maxed out at 6 the other day. My guns are swoll and on point.

KarlWelzein30 karma

'Til my snakes are swoll. No need to count. 'Shups ain't Sesame Street.

sippysippy139 karma

Hey Karl, thanks for helping people out and I hope your leg wound doesn't get infected.

What is one app that nobody should ever order? I need to get my app game on point.

KarlWelzein28 karma

Those bean things you get at the oriental place. Them are babe eats.

rdfiii9 karma

Choose one: The itense, bold flavors made for you by Guy Fieri for every meal OR an unlimited supply of BL nums.

KarlWelzein24 karma

If Guy Fieri was fixin' my grub, you can bet there'd be an unlimited supply of cold ones included.

BoomerSooner229 karma

Karl, I need your help, bad boy style. I'm at Chilis about to order the Triple Play, what 3 apps should I get?

KarlWelzein24 karma

Double mini burgs and 'chos,

atlantawino8 karma

Sup Karl? You ever heard back from that corncob writer that went bashing on Guy's primo NYC 'rant? Totally shut him down bad boy style! Figured he'd have written you a personal apology letter by now.

KarlWelzein24 karma

Man, that corncob Peener Wells is still probably shakin' in his shoes, fillin' 'em with girl piddles.

clubstallion8 karma

Just rocked out some 'shups in the john at work to tone the old 'ceps for the fourth celebraish. How do you keep a rockin beach bod that makes all the babes come crawlin from state to state 24/7 OOS?

KarlWelzein28 karma

'Shups + a floor + sleeves off + healthy no bun burgs and dogs = your meat logs ready to swell and sizzle for all the babes with healthy shelvin' units.

pauly85097 karma

'Sup K-Money. Babes don't really give me the time of day when I head in to Chili's or B-Dubs and pound Margs. Thinkin' about gettin' a 'rang? Any other advice for me?

KarlWelzein22 karma

'Rang should do it. 'Logne?

Endarr7 karma

Tell us about your hook-up with nosey lady. How did you specifically charm her?

KarlWelzein19 karma

Did I hook up with Nosey Lady? Don't remember that.

daffydubs7 karma

Good afternoon Karl,

I am asking this for a co-worker of mine who is a loyal follower of yours on twitter.

"What happened with you and Cooter's mom?" -asked by Woody

KarlWelzein22 karma

Prefer that to stay on the hush-hush, respectfully.

lukepeacock7 karma

Which silky smooth soul brother are you gonna get to play Peanut in the movie version of Power Moves? Maybe Barry O will be free?

KarlWelzein10 karma

Martin Lawrence? Lionel Richie? Either would be chill.

TyrionHouseLannister6 karma

What's your plan for America's birthday?

KarlWelzein29 karma

Probably drink a thousand beers.

Doranka6 karma

Which babe is the most thick in all the right places (talkin' curves here) - Miranda Lambert or Beyonce? Ain't slept none the last few nights thinkin' about it.

KarlWelzein44 karma

Man. Good question. Think that's why cream places invented the "swirl," kemosabe.

extramask6 karma

Any new workout tips?

KarlWelzein12 karma

Cut off your sleeves. Makes you focus on what's important.

kvellturo5 karma

What are your thoughts on the BL Limerita? Bold flavors if you ask me.

KarlWelzein22 karma

Bold flavors. I likes mine in a 2x4 bad boy single serve.

rickbassman5 karma

Good luck with your book Karl!

Glad to see another author doing an AMA right now!

KarlWelzein12 karma

Thank you, brother.

bonerjamz20135 karma

Think nosey lady misses your power moves at work?

KarlWelzein19 karma

Nosey Lady can suck it, DX style.

badguybirnie5 karma

K-Money, S-Dogg here. Now that you're a big time author, what's the word on ROADHOUSE 2012: PAIN STILL DON'T HURT hitting theatres soon?

KarlWelzein8 karma

Don't see how after POWER MOVES takes off, that Roadhouse 2013 can't be on the horizon. Probably have at least a cool million in my pocket so I could just make it myself? Have it rock to perfection.

IAmDivorced5 karma

Karl how many 'shups should I do a day to have pipes like yours?

KarlWelzein17 karma

'Til you look like the Rattlesnake.

AndreHawkDawson4 karma

Karl, what's your favorite movie and have you seen anything recently that you recommend?

KarlWelzein8 karma

Heat? Not sure. Passed out during Fast or Furious 6, but it rocked 'til I took a snooze.

jgold84 karma

I'm thinkin' about hittin' up Arbs for some of that KING'S Hawaiian Roast Beef, or maybe The BK Lounge for that Carolina BBQ Whopper. Which is he more primo joint?

KarlWelzein6 karma

Why decide between two when you only live once, kemosabe.

Anna_Namoose4 karma

Sadly, I had never heard of the wonder that is Karl, but I'm intrigued and looking for guidance. My question- what song would you add to Live Bullet that you think would complete it?

KarlWelzein12 karma

Have to be "Real Mean Bottle" with Kid Rock on a rerelease.

dubsideofmoon4 karma

Remember Dave's car? What happened to that thing? The skylark?

KarlWelzein23 karma

Still sittin' outside of Brenda's. Looks real nasty. Mighta got set on fire?

GU1ZZ4 karma

What do you do to cure hangovers?

KarlWelzein13 karma



What did you do at your old job, where you worked with Nosey Lady?

KarlWelzein8 karma

Just one of those stupid jobs you go to. Answer the phone sometimes? Fill out papers? Who really knows what they do at work anyway?

swllnjckstrp3 karma

Karl, you've had some great business ideas throughout the years, but there was one you didn't quite follow through on. Really would've like to see you bring MDMA into health food stores. Did you ever take "the Sweet Bitch" again?

KarlWelzein7 karma

Took some a them drugs again with Cooter. The Sweet Bitch ain't so sweet when you're pal's peener is out during a Pistons game.

guitar_geoge3 karma

When was the last time you played golf?

KarlWelzein9 karma

Wonder where my clubs are? Crap.

tcallanan873 karma

Karl, just downed a few Activias, not feelin so hot. What should I do?

KarlWelzein10 karma

Take a nap on the john 'til the darkness ensues.

gwallace10233 karma

When are you going to come out with a recipe blog? I need some bold flavors in my life.

KarlWelzein9 karma

Blog? I'm not some chick.

lo-mo3 karma

hi K-Money, wonderin' where all your slick moves with the babes come from, need some surefire tips on how to pick up manbabes for carnal pleasures.

KarlWelzein8 karma

Style and Profile. Maybe watch some old Ric Flair promos? Man.

elranito3 karma

Karl, recently there have been two primo advances in beer drinking technology. The Miller Lite Punch Top and the Coors Light Double Vent. Both allow for pounding cold ones at a faster pace (admirable) but which is the superior technology?

KarlWelzein9 karma

I really don't need no fancy help drinkin' cold ones.

Quetzalmantzin3 karma

I want to write a book so I can live the bad boy author lifestyle, sippin' high-class primo drinks with a babe on each arm. I already have a Camaro so I figure I'm halfway there already. The problem is I don't know what to write about. Got any suggestions for me?

KarlWelzein11 karma

If you got a Camaro, you must have babe tales galore. Write somethin' erotic, that leaves a little to the imaginaish.

RickyO913 karma

Pretty sure I got snapped by a speed cam in international lands (Quebec) while accidentally givin it the double freedom rockets in your honor... Should I pay the ticket, or just play it cool?

KarlWelzein11 karma

Chill, if you're on USA soil, they'll probably just throw it away. Can't be expected to listen to Canada laws unless they got somethin' to do with poundin' ice cold Labatt's.

jchristo863 karma

Karl, my lady friend told me she loved me and I froze up in response. Any advice on how to dig myself outta this hole?

KarlWelzein9 karma

If you don't got a heart feelin' for that babe, hit the bricks for an outside meal. 'Less you can't do no better, then keep eatin' your lunch at home.

AndreHawkDawson3 karma

Karl, congrats on the new book! I'm heading to the lake next weekend for a 4th of July / birthday celebraish' of an old college friend. What should I bring to kick up the party a notch? (Not that celebratin' America's birthday really needs much help)

KarlWelzein7 karma

Crown. Dirty 30 of Busch. Plenty of ice. Some guy mags for peepin' celebraish beefers as a guy to guy adult gift?

radiosurgery3 karma

How's Al doing?

KarlWelzein8 karma

Don't see Al much anymore. Miss my bro.

LTMixwell3 karma

You need to shove this in carlsons stupid face. He's prolly gonna ask you for $$$

KarlWelzein10 karma

If anything, Doug Carlson owes ME $$$. He can suck it. All. Night. Long.

bus36533 karma

Hi Karl, here's a situaish for ya. You can only listen to three Seger songs the rest of your life. What three are they and why?

KarlWelzein8 karma

Hey Bo Diddley off Smokin' Ops, Ramblin' Gamblin', and Roll Me Away. Why? 'Cause I had to pick 3.

Bernie-Mac3 karma

From one bad boy to another, is there ever "too many" cold ones.?

KarlWelzein9 karma

Only if you start to crap up blood out your PU. Dave did that once. Such a grossout.

bonerjamz20133 karma

Is this book new material or is it a collection of your Tweets?

KarlWelzein8 karma

POWER MOVES is a journal of my life and crap. Should rock.

jchristo863 karma

I saw Seger and Kid Rock play together in St. Paul this spring. Is Kid Rock secretly Bob Seger's long lost son, and together are they the key to happiness?

Also, why aren't they running Michigan? Or America?? OR THE WORLD???

KarlWelzein7 karma

Bob and Bob are too busy rockin' to run things I guess. But their guidance is with the grace of God.

JStanton6173 karma

What's the recipe for Bratato Salad?

KarlWelzein6 karma

Make a good tato salad. Add brat chunks. Serve.

MatthewCrawley3 karma

Karl, you gonna go on the Kid Rock Cruise next year? Sounds right up your alley, hombre. http://www.kidrockcruise.com/

KarlWelzein9 karma

Who knows? Once Bob hears about POWER MOVES and how it's doin' all kindsa good crap for the glove, he might have me on himself?

soomuchcoffee3 karma

Do you think Ann's bits are cranked to 10 on the desir-o-meter now that you're a famous writer? Do you think the ensuing fame will increase or decrease your freedom lifestyle?

OK, one last one. If your book was to make the Oprah Book Club, do you think Ann's bits would crank to 11, like those boss Spinal Tap amps?

KarlWelzein5 karma

Ann's gonna have to get in line and buy life tickets to see the K-Money show just like everyone else. She had her chance for primo beef on her plate. Now, Ann better just hope Hot n' Now is open.

bagofwater3 karma

How's it feel to finally be your own boss, after years of takin' toilet naps and workin' for the man?

KarlWelzein7 karma

Feels like I earned it, USA style.

fairwaykristen3 karma

What was the response from Hollywood like after they read your script for Roadhouse 2012: Pain Don't Hurt? Was Guy interested in the lead part?

KarlWelzein3 karma

Sure they're just waitin' for timin' to be right. Guy'll probably ring me up for a guy to Guy after he reads POWER MOVES. Really get that $$$ out of bounds, Hollywood player style.

Nadtacular2 karma

What do you think of that corncob Aaron Hernandez being arrested for murder?

KarlWelzein5 karma

I think I'm glad he don't play for my Lions.

CO_gunner2 karma

My boss is a real corncob--he won't let me drink trunk liquor on my lunch breaks. What should I tell him?

KarlWelzein12 karma

"Let" you?


Ihavemyownpizzaoven2 karma

What's the best combo for gatorpagne? I'm throwin' a real celebraish and need to know what works best for bringin' out the chest beefers. Orange? Cool blue? Frost?

KarlWelzein5 karma

Red. Then orange.

BoomerSooner222 karma

Who would win in a WWE Tag Team 'Ship match? Legion of Doom (original bad boys of tag team) or Guy Fieri and Diamond Dave?

KarlWelzein8 karma

It'd be close, but Legion would win 'cause it's wrestlin'. If it was rockin'? Guy and Diamond.