I'm Karl Welzein. Author of POWER MOVES. Ask me any of your crap. Primo babes encouraged, you guys.

If you could drink trunk liquor in the parking lot of the 'Bee's with any three people -- who would you choose?

Stone Cold. Bob Seger. Kid Rock.

R.I.P. Peanut

Think about him everyday.

Some corncob is downvoting every question in this thread. Kinda concerning?

Don't know what downvoting is. Who cares. Probably has time to make carnal passions to his own backdoor with his downvote thumb next though.

What happened to the boat?

Crap. Should probably check on that.

BL 'Nums or a bottle of Crown?

Both, kemosabe.

Two questions:

• Where did you twitter handle come from? Just a little guy humor?
• Did you ever get a chance to speak to Ann about the basement tobasco underwear incident?

Just some guy humor.

After Ann finds out about POWER MOVES, she'll be dreamin' 'bout my wet Tabasco Boxers, 24/7, 365. Open on Sundays.

What are your feelings on the Nosey Lady situaish? Last time the two of you were in the same room, she was making a beeline for your guy zone. Maybe some unfinished business there?

She might even be able to pull some strings and get your old office gig back. Then you'd be making the kind of scratch where you could buy the mobile home of your dreams and take a break from the all-freedom, on-the-road lifestyle.

Nosey probably stays up all night with thoughts on my peener. Don't think I could go back to work there 'cause she'd be distracted by my vibes.

After POWER MOVES, I'll probably be rollin' in big bank like a boss player, callin' my own shots.

1. Would you ever have carnal buttcheeks passions (ha!) with Dave's lady friend?

2. Who's the more macho bad boy, Diamond Dave or the Sammy Hagar?

3. Bratato Salad recipe please, piled high with all the fixins.

1. Not never gonna eat off Dave's dirty plate.
2. Depends on the year.
3. It's: tato salad with brat chunks in it. Serve at your next celebraish.

I hope his next book is a recipe book.

After Power Moves, I'd say anything is possible. Might even hook up with my main man Guy or Sammy Hagar for a bad boy collab? Man.

I like to think this is Dave

Don't know those corncobs.

This nosey lady at my work says Guy Fieri is a corncob. What should I say to shut her down?

Tell that Nosey Lady that a real man like Guy Fieri wouldn't upchuck his eggs on her is she was topless and on fire.

Who wins a fight; Guy Fieri or Barry from Storage Wars?

That's some student and master crap. Too hard to think about. Best to just let the universe decide.

Karl, what's going on with the K-Money Club? Last I heard it was closed for renovations.

Unfortunately, the K-Money Club was closed due to a restroom hazard beyond our control.

which liquor is the best trunk liquor?

The kind in your trunk.

Would you rather see Bob Seger get elected president or bring Peanut (RIP) back to life?

Seger as CIC. Can just hear Peanut if you brought him back, "Yo why'd to bring me back to this motherf*cker K-Money?! I was drinkin' with Teddy Pendergrass in swagged out heaven!"

K-Money, what's it like carrying around Lethal Weapon 1 & 2 every day? Do you need permits?!

The real permit I need is for Lethal Weapon 3. (Ha! Just some guy humor there.)

Dreets are great and everything, but what about flaming hot cheeto's?

I got nothin' against Flamin' hots. Bold flavors. More of thing for street kids hangin' out deep frenchin' at a bus stop though.

Hey K-man, how are things with you and Anne?

We're just fine, thank you very much. Of course she still craves my bod. Everything's more up to my hectic schedule.

Karl, what's the latest with Captain Karl's Pizza Ship? Where do I inquire about franchising rights for my area?

'Sup, babe. The CK 'Za Ship could take off at ANY time. Just a matter of gettin' the dough together. Who knows, if the POWER MOVES book makes millions of $$$, might be in the next couple weeks?

If you could have carnal passions with any babe, who would it be?

Any? Ha! Pickin' uno ain't my style. Is Kate Upton mixed with Jamie Lee Curtis in more primo times an answer? Man.

Hey Karl - Got an anniversary coming up with my wife - what do you suggest I get her as an anniversary gift? I already gave her Guy Fieri's cookbook last year, and am totally stumped.

Giver a copy of Power Moves and ANYTHING from Zales. Adult passions all night long, guaranteed.

You seen Crazy Coot lately? Just whizzed on Dave and then disappeared. Kinda concerning?

Crazy Coot could always maybe be dead. That's just Cooter's way, you guys.

1. Any idea how many copies of Power Moves have been pre-ordered?
2. What color Camaro you gunna buy when you make it big?

Black. Bad Body style. Guy's kinda got the lock down on red. Also, I'm probably not gonna buy it. 'Maro's are so much smoother as a gift. (wink, finger guns, book company.)

S'up, Stace. Just found out about Power Moves today. Haven't even had a chance to digest the facts or grunt one out over some thoughts on it.

I'm having a sub par day. What kind of power moves do I need to turn it around?

Sounds like you need a Timehouse pick me up.

Getting ready to move in with my girl and don't want her lady crap crampin' my style. Any advice?

Don't move in with your girl then, amigo. Nightmare.

Whatever happened to Captain Karl's Pizza Ship? Bold flavors, wenches with chest beefers, cheetos on anything for a dollar... seems like a no brainer money making situaish. How can I invest?

Edit: kickstarter?

Kickstarter! Might be cool?

Heard that's some computer beggin' crap. Not my style.

After POWER MOVES comes out, ($$$) might open up coast to coast?

After they hear about POWER MOVES, which babe will come crawlin' back first for a piece of the captain? Jody, Anne, or Brenda??

Who knows? Might not even have time for farm team when I move up to the majors.

Karl, what sort of celebraish you got planned for America's birthday?

Start with a thousand beers. End with a thousand babes. USA.

Any update on the Van Halen frankenstrat tattoo?

Thing about a VH Frankenstrat tattoo, is once you get it, you can kiss the clock goodbye 'cause all your time is gonna be tickin' with 24/7 exotic babes from coast to coast.

Karl, does pain hurt?

Pain's just a state of mind. Me? I like to keep my mind on rockin'.

Karl, I've got into a pretty heated argument last night with my old lady about golfing with my buddy, Frank the Tank. She doesn't have any problem spending $30 on some stupid crap from Bed Bath and Beyond (more like Bed Barf and Beyond, right?), but if I want to spend $30 on a round of golf, all of a sudden we're the poorest people on the block. What should I tell her to get off my back?

Don't say crap. Just go do what you want. You're an adult, kemosabe.

What is the secret to drinking 1000 beers?

Light beer.

As a bold flavor man from way back, I spend a good amount of time in the work john myself. Mostly I just have my phone in there for reading and thinking, catching up on your all freedom lifestyle, but what do you think about bringing in food, drinks, maybe some tunes? The works, really? I know you've escaped the office slave cage but you have so much to offer.

The john is a great place for snackin', snoozin', sheddin' a man tear, or havin' a snack. And if you can get a little tube in there to catch the Tigs? Man.

How many 'shups in the john can you do? I maxed out at 6 the other day. My guns are swoll and on point.

'Til my snakes are swoll. No need to count. 'Shups ain't Sesame Street.

Hey Karl, thanks for helping people out and I hope your leg wound doesn't get infected.

What is one app that nobody should ever order? I need to get my app game on point.

Those bean things you get at the oriental place. Them are babe eats.

Choose one: The itense, bold flavors made for you by Guy Fieri for every meal OR an unlimited supply of BL nums.

If Guy Fieri was fixin' my grub, you can bet there'd be an unlimited supply of cold ones included.

Karl, I need your help, bad boy style. I'm at Chilis about to order the Triple Play, what 3 apps should I get?

Double mini burgs and 'chos,

Sup Karl? You ever heard back from that corncob writer that went bashing on Guy's primo NYC 'rant? Totally shut him down bad boy style! Figured he'd have written you a personal apology letter by now.

Man, that corncob Peener Wells is still probably shakin' in his shoes, fillin' 'em with girl piddles.

Just rocked out some 'shups in the john at work to tone the old 'ceps for the fourth celebraish. How do you keep a rockin beach bod that makes all the babes come crawlin from state to state 24/7 OOS?

'Shups + a floor + sleeves off + healthy no bun burgs and dogs = your meat logs ready to swell and sizzle for all the babes with healthy shelvin' units.

'Sup K-Money. Babes don't really give me the time of day when I head in to Chili's or B-Dubs and pound Margs. Thinkin' about gettin' a 'rang? Any other advice for me?

'Rang should do it. 'Logne?

Tell us about your hook-up with nosey lady. How did you specifically charm her?

Did I hook up with Nosey Lady? Don't remember that.

Good afternoon Karl,

I am asking this for a co-worker of mine who is a loyal follower of yours on twitter.

"What happened with you and Cooter's mom?" -asked by Woody

Prefer that to stay on the hush-hush, respectfully.

Which silky smooth soul brother are you gonna get to play Peanut in the movie version of Power Moves? Maybe Barry O will be free?

Martin Lawrence? Lionel Richie? Either would be chill.

What's your plan for America's birthday?

Probably drink a thousand beers.

Which babe is the most thick in all the right places (talkin' curves here) - Miranda Lambert or Beyonce? Ain't slept none the last few nights thinkin' about it.

Man. Good question. Think that's why cream places invented the "swirl," kemosabe.

Any new workout tips?

Cut off your sleeves. Makes you focus on what's important.

What are your thoughts on the BL Limerita? Bold flavors if you ask me.

Bold flavors. I likes mine in a 2x4 bad boy single serve.

Good luck with your book Karl!

Glad to see another author doing an AMA right now!

Thank you, brother.

Think nosey lady misses your power moves at work?

Nosey Lady can suck it, DX style.

K-Money, S-Dogg here. Now that you're a big time author, what's the word on ROADHOUSE 2012: PAIN STILL DON'T HURT hitting theatres soon?

Don't see how after POWER MOVES takes off, that Roadhouse 2013 can't be on the horizon. Probably have at least a cool million in my pocket so I could just make it myself? Have it rock to perfection.

Karl how many 'shups should I do a day to have pipes like yours?

'Til you look like the Rattlesnake.

Karl, what's your favorite movie and have you seen anything recently that you recommend?

Heat? Not sure. Passed out during Fast or Furious 6, but it rocked 'til I took a snooze.

I'm thinkin' about hittin' up Arbs for some of that KING'S Hawaiian Roast Beef, or maybe The BK Lounge for that Carolina BBQ Whopper. Which is he more primo joint?

Why decide between two when you only live once, kemosabe.

Sadly, I had never heard of the wonder that is Karl, but I'm intrigued and looking for guidance. My question- what song would you add to Live Bullet that you think would complete it?

Have to be "Real Mean Bottle" with Kid Rock on a rerelease.

Remember Dave's car? What happened to that thing? The skylark?

Still sittin' outside of Brenda's. Looks real nasty. Mighta got set on fire?

What do you do to cure hangovers?

Gatorpagne.

What did you do at your old job, where you worked with Nosey Lady?

Just one of those stupid jobs you go to. Answer the phone sometimes? Fill out papers? Who really knows what they do at work anyway?

Karl, you've had some great business ideas throughout the years, but there was one you didn't quite follow through on. Really would've like to see you bring MDMA into health food stores. Did you ever take "the Sweet Bitch" again?

Took some a them drugs again with Cooter. The Sweet Bitch ain't so sweet when you're pal's peener is out during a Pistons game.

When was the last time you played golf?

Wonder where my clubs are? Crap.

Karl, just downed a few Activias, not feelin so hot. What should I do?

Take a nap on the john 'til the darkness ensues.

When are you going to come out with a recipe blog? I need some bold flavors in my life.

Blog? I'm not some chick.

hi K-Money, wonderin' where all your slick moves with the babes come from, need some surefire tips on how to pick up manbabes for carnal pleasures.

Style and Profile. Maybe watch some old Ric Flair promos? Man.

Karl, recently there have been two primo advances in beer drinking technology. The Miller Lite Punch Top and the Coors Light Double Vent. Both allow for pounding cold ones at a faster pace (admirable) but which is the superior technology?

I really don't need no fancy help drinkin' cold ones.

I want to write a book so I can live the bad boy author lifestyle, sippin' high-class primo drinks with a babe on each arm. I already have a Camaro so I figure I'm halfway there already. The problem is I don't know what to write about. Got any suggestions for me?

If you got a Camaro, you must have babe tales galore. Write somethin' erotic, that leaves a little to the imaginaish.

Pretty sure I got snapped by a speed cam in international lands (Quebec) while accidentally givin it the double freedom rockets in your honor... Should I pay the ticket, or just play it cool?

Chill, if you're on USA soil, they'll probably just throw it away. Can't be expected to listen to Canada laws unless they got somethin' to do with poundin' ice cold Labatt's.

Karl, my lady friend told me she loved me and I froze up in response. Any advice on how to dig myself outta this hole?

If you don't got a heart feelin' for that babe, hit the bricks for an outside meal. 'Less you can't do no better, then keep eatin' your lunch at home.

Karl, congrats on the new book! I'm heading to the lake next weekend for a 4th of July / birthday celebraish' of an old college friend. What should I bring to kick up the party a notch? (Not that celebratin' America's birthday really needs much help)

Crown. Dirty 30 of Busch. Plenty of ice. Some guy mags for peepin' celebraish beefers as a guy to guy adult gift?

How's Al doing?

Don't see Al much anymore. Miss my bro.

You need to shove this in carlsons stupid face. He's prolly gonna ask you for $$$

If anything, Doug Carlson owes ME $$$. He can suck it. All. Night. Long.

Hi Karl, here's a situaish for ya. You can only listen to three Seger songs the rest of your life. What three are they and why?

Hey Bo Diddley off Smokin' Ops, Ramblin' Gamblin', and Roll Me Away. Why? 'Cause I had to pick 3.

From one bad boy to another, is there ever "too many" cold ones.?

Only if you start to crap up blood out your PU. Dave did that once. Such a grossout.

Is this book new material or is it a collection of your Tweets?

POWER MOVES is a journal of my life and crap. Should rock.

I saw Seger and Kid Rock play together in St. Paul this spring. Is Kid Rock secretly Bob Seger's long lost son, and together are they the key to happiness?

Also, why aren't they running Michigan? Or America?? OR THE WORLD???

Bob and Bob are too busy rockin' to run things I guess. But their guidance is with the grace of God.

What's the recipe for Bratato Salad?

Make a good tato salad. Add brat chunks. Serve.

Karl, you gonna go on the Kid Rock Cruise next year? Sounds right up your alley, hombre. http://www.kidrockcruise.com/

Who knows? Once Bob hears about POWER MOVES and how it's doin' all kindsa good crap for the glove, he might have me on himself?

Do you think Ann's bits are cranked to 10 on the desir-o-meter now that you're a famous writer? Do you think the ensuing fame will increase or decrease your freedom lifestyle?

OK, one last one. If your book was to make the Oprah Book Club, do you think Ann's bits would crank to 11, like those boss Spinal Tap amps?

Ann's gonna have to get in line and buy life tickets to see the K-Money show just like everyone else. She had her chance for primo beef on her plate. Now, Ann better just hope Hot n' Now is open.

How's it feel to finally be your own boss, after years of takin' toilet naps and workin' for the man?

Feels like I earned it, USA style.

What was the response from Hollywood like after they read your script for Roadhouse 2012: Pain Don't Hurt? Was Guy interested in the lead part?

Sure they're just waitin' for timin' to be right. Guy'll probably ring me up for a guy to Guy after he reads POWER MOVES. Really get that $$$ out of bounds, Hollywood player style.

What do you think of that corncob Aaron Hernandez being arrested for murder?

I think I'm glad he don't play for my Lions.

My boss is a real corncob--he won't let me drink trunk liquor on my lunch breaks. What should I tell him?

"Let" you?

POWER MOVE him.

What's the best combo for gatorpagne? I'm throwin' a real celebraish and need to know what works best for bringin' out the chest beefers. Orange? Cool blue? Frost?

Red. Then orange.

Who would win in a WWE Tag Team 'Ship match? Legion of Doom (original bad boys of tag team) or Guy Fieri and Diamond Dave?

It'd be close, but Legion would win 'cause it's wrestlin'. If it was rockin'? Guy and Diamond.