Hello. My name is Joe, and I work in a button factory. AMA.

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He said "Push this button with your right hand."

Sure do!

Has your immediate supervisor ever approached you and inquired as to whether or not you were free to work on other tasks?

I replied in the affirmative and he directed me to depress one particular button with the index finger located on my right hand.

Thank you for this awesome AMA. Have all my upvotes.

Upvote this thread with a left click.

What kind of buttons? The kind that hold my shirt closed or the kind that I loved to push at radio shack when I was a kid?

The kind you push with your right hand.

Are left handed buttons sub-contracted a separate factory or something?

No. I generally just start with my right hand. My wife thinks I have undiagnosed obsessive compulsive disorder.

Hi Joe!

Hello

Are you busy?

No

Do you make the buttons, or just inspect them?

Actually, I push them.

Oooooooh fun! Do you get to push big, red ones sometimes?

Sometimes my boss comes to me and says, "Joe, are you busy?" I say, "no." He says, "push this button with your right hand."

Hey Joe! Does your job keep you very busy?

Generally, if my boss comes to me and says, "Joe, are you busy?" I'll say, "no."

What exactly is the purpose of turning that button with your right hand? Is it really integral to the button making process?

The right hand isn't always necessary. For example, one day my boss came to me. He said, "Joe, are you busy?" I said "No." He said push this button with your LEFT hand.

I was already pushing a button with my right hand, so that may have had something to do with it.

So, wait, you push the button at your button factory? At the button factory near me, I've heard that they turn the button. What accounts for the difference in button making techniques?

I think it's a regional difference. Once I visited a button factory in Maine, all of them were turning buttons. It blew my mind.

Are you busy?

No

Awww as a kid I always wondered how buttons were made.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhlSUVHNsGA

Although I make the kind of buttons you push with your hand. You generally start with your right hand.

Do you ever have to push buttons with your feet? What about other parts of your body?

Generally I start with my right hand, then if pushing a second button is required, I push with my left hand. The third button I often push with my right foot, but on occasion I choose my left. I then push a button with my head. If need be, I have been known to use my tongue. By this point if my boss asks me if I'm busy, I say, "YES!" (or "yeth" if my tongue is out).

Typically, how many of one type of button gets made?

I'm not sure of the overall numbers. If I have any free time at work, my boss usually comes to me and says, "Joe, are you busy?" I have to answer "No," and then he gives me an assignment.

What's your favorite hobby Joe?

Well, I have a wife and three kids.

You had a major impact me when I was a kid. Thanks for all that you do.

Glad to hear I made a difference. Sometimes it's hard to tell because I'm so busy pushing buttons in the button factory.

When you're already pressing buttons with your hands, feet, and head - as I'm sure you often do - what do you prefer to use next, in the event that you're called upon to press yet another button? Tongue? Tushy?

I usually push buttons in whatever order my boss tells me to. In the event that he leaves it up to me I go in this order:

Right hand Left hand Right foot Head Tongue

After that, when he asks me if I'm busy, I say "YES!" (or "yeth" if my tongue is out).

What kind of buttons do you make?

The kind you push with your right hand.

What are your hours and benefits? Is button pushing a worthwhile profession to enter? Where (or to whom) can I submit my resume?

I make enough money to support my wife and three kids. Though sometimes hours are long, it's a rewarding job. Send me your resume, I'll pass it along to my boss the next time he asks me if I'm busy.

What is the most ridiculous request your supervisor has ever made?

One time he asked me to push a button with my left foot while my right foot was already pressing a button! I know, crazy huh?

When will the traditional button cease production? I very much enjoy the buttons that snap into place.

You're thinking of the buttons you wear. I deal strictly in buttons you push-for example-with your right hand.

I've never been more puzzled in my life. What purposes do your buttons serve?

I push them

I must see what one of these right hand only buttons look like

They're virtually indistinguishable from buttons you push with your left hand.

Just wanted to pop in and say hello!

Hello

Hi Joe,

This is for my friend Kirk (he's looking for a career change)...Is working at a button factory better or worse than working a cracker factory?

Thanks

I've never worked in a cracker factory before, but I can tell you working in a button factory has helped me support my wife and three kids. Two of them are through college now and the third is in his junior year studying liberal arts, whatever the hell that means. That kid is either going to end up in grad school or working with me at the button factory. Not that it's a bad gig, but I always thought of it more as a job than a calling. I really want him to find his bliss, you know?

hows the dog wife and two kids thing going for ya?

It's great. I'm getting pretty close to retirement so I'll get to spend a lot more time with them soon!

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We used to have a dog.

Hi Joe.

Hello!

Who's got the button?

My boss generally.

Joe, when you push this button, what happens?!

Someone you've never met before dies, but you get paid a million dollars.

Hi Joe! Are you busy? If no, can you turn the button with your right hand?

Sure!

How do you and those in your industry feel about those who work in zipper factories?

I have a friend in the zipper industry. We have to maintain solidarity. The only real difference is when his boss comes to him and asks him if he's busy and he says no, he has to zip a zipper with his right hand.

Your name seems to suggest that your profession includes water balloons... Which one is it, joe?! Dammit, I'm getting real tired of your shit!

I have a life outside of work. I have a wide and three kids.

What kind of wide is it? How wide? PLEASE ANSWER

Whoops, that's supposed to be wife. You think I'd be better at typing considering my profession.

Also, I don't think my wife would appreciate being called a wide.

I LOVED this back in Lamb Chop, except the name was Flo and -she- worked in a button factory. My sister and I would do it over and over.

Oh, Flo. She and I once got drunk at the office Christmas party and... I'd better not say any more.

Something tells me this job must be cool, how is it?

It pays the bills. I have a wife and three kids to support after all.

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Let's see...

Right hand, left hand, right foot, head and tongue. That's five.

still pushing those buttons joe?

Yup.

Fuck you and this exercise

I'm sorry if I'm pushing your buttons.