IAmA teenage girl who watched her mother get murdered. AMA

Older brother of OP here. Just wanna say thank you Reddit for being so awesome. Like she said, it is close to that one year mark. And it's been hard. Seeing the support you all have given my little sister makes me so happy. A bit jealous seeing as I'm mostly a lurker and she makes the front page.. lol Thanks.

lmao It was so funny He was like: why are you up? Me: Reddit Him: Go to sleep Me: but im doing a AMA Him: get back to answering questions

Verified.

i was honestly hoping that this wasn't true cause i wouldn't want someone to experience that .

sadly it is :/ but i am doing better :)

"Tried calling 911 but the line was busy."

What...the...fuck...

my thought exactly

I thought the line being busy was a myth used on comedy shows. What did you hear when you called them? An engaged tone, or an answering machine? Considering you were in quite a large amount of mental and physical distress I don't expect you to remember the details.

it was automated voice that even said if i hang up itll take longer to get a hold of them

"Oh, well in that case let me remain here on the line as the pool of my own blood spreads across the kitchen floor. Doop dee doo, la di dah..."

This freaks me out because my son has learned that you dial 911 in an emergency. What if he actually needs to call 911 some time and he hears that message?

it is scary.

Hi dear - my parents were murdered three years ago, although I didn't witness it. Please message me if you want to talk. Stay strong.

Thank you. I might just take you up on the offer in a little bit

If Dexter Morgan killed your mom's killer, how would you feel?

Happy. Relieved. And I think I just found a series to read so thank you

Sounds like you had a pretty good go at him yourself, upvote for stabbing the bastard in the neck.

I use that exact same name when i talk about him.

Don't limit yourself, there are some many other words to describe a mouthbreathing cock-slobbering psychopathic prison-dick-juggler.

Some i never heard. Nice

My friend has one I love: "Cock juggling thundercunt"

It rolls off the tongue too :D

it really does lol

I've heard the book is waaaaaay gory, and that the show is relatively less disturbing. I'm a big fan of the show. I'd recommend it.

I'll give it a try :)

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That sometimes does happen. I kinda hate it cause i love reading lol

Subtitles: the best of both worlds.

so true! never thought about it that way

When i first saw this, (and please please dont take this offensively) I thought it was a fake, attention getting AMA. I read this thread from start to finish, and i must say you are a very selfless, brave, and not to mention remarkeable young woman. You did everything in your power to save your mother, were very modest about everything you did do, and, on top of it, are taking the experience and using it to empower others. Ive never in my life have looked up to someone younger than me, and i must say that situation has changed here. You have a bright future ahead of you, I know it.

Don't worry I understand how you could think it's a fake. It's something you don't expect to happen. I am so happy that this AMA is affecting people in a positive way. I don't regret trying to save her even t hough I couldn't. I can't imagine just standing there. Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.

I'm sorry this happened to you, she didn't deserve to die.

I know that what you will be going through for the next 60 years or so (give or take a decade) will be very tough. Your life forever changed that day.

Don't let it define you.

At first, that's exactly what I did. I gave him the satisfaction of ruining my life but now I'm trying my best to continue to move forward. My mom always pushed me to be a good student and im continuing to do that with an avg of 94 even though its hard

Good for you. It only took a year, that's good.

You're 16 and have your whole life ahead of you. I won't bore you with details but I've been through my own trauma. I used to let it be my world. It consumed me. I associated myself with it and everyone associated me with it. I can't believe how much time I wasted.

One day I met someone and learned something. She had a huge scar on her head from brain surgery and had to re-learn even the simplest of motor skills. But you'd never know by talking to her. All she cared about was living life. Taking in all the good.

Now, no one I know knows about what happened. I never speak of it. People only know me for my music, my personality and my accomplishments.

Thank you for those words. it means a lot. I can't imagine the feeling of having to relearn everything. Having to relearn how to walk was hard enough. Its good that you feel good about yourself. I hate what happened but I'm trying to the be the best I can for my mom. She meant everything to me and I never showed it well because we argued a lot after my dad's death. Thats why I try to talk to people who have problems with their family. I feel like time is too short to be spent negatively I feel like I will one day change someone's life. I've survived more times than I should've but I know that things can only get better. I can tell you are a great person!

Your mom loved you. You were the last person she dreamed about.

And she knew you loved her. One of the last things she saw was your act of love.

Never doubt that.

At first I did because we had a rough relationship but now there's no doubt in my mind that what you're saying is true. Thank you.

Where are you located?

Buffalo, NY

I'm stuck in Chicago. I thought maybe you were near here. I'm orig. from the east coast (philly area). I miss the east coast.

If you ever need help or advice, please ask.

Thank you.

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Thank you. To be honest, I'm not too worried about cost of college because First Niagara is going to pay for it. Yes im grateful but the reason I'm getting it doesn't make me too happy. I would give all that up for a min with my mom

1) Did you move afterwards?

2) How many of your current friends know about this part of your past?

Like most of the people who will comment I won't be able to understand your emotions or what you went through, but please know that I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you grow up to be a truly happy person.

1) Yes but I do see my old house every day on my way to/from school. It hurts every time.

2) They all do because it was big news when it happened Especially since I go to the top hs in my area. My school was really supportive. I have infinite get well cards that to this day I still have.

Wow. Thank you for taking the time to answer these; is it therapeutic to discuss these memories in an anonymous internet forum?

Yes it does and I feel like the more people who know the more people can be aware that things happen to anyone which is why we must be careful with who we trust.

Well-said. I hope you do learn to trust again, and good luck to you in the coming years!

Thank you. I'm working hard in school to go to a good college. I want to go into criminal justice so i can help others. First Niagara (a bank if udk) is going to pay for college.

You're gonna go far, kid. Best of luck to you. You deserve it.

thank you so do you

I am sorry you are going through this :( I went through something similar when I was 19 with my neighbors. Long story short they had an argument he stabbed her 13 times with a butcher knife she managed to crawl across the street to my parents house where I happened to be on the porch. He hit both of her femoral arteries I did not know this at the time and when I put pressure on one of the wounds to try and stop the it came out 100times faster from the other wound. I lost my composer and freaked out. By the time the ambulance and such came she was white as a ghost.

They tell me she lost 90% of her blood, they had her on a respirator for 3 days but she was unable to recover. I am 31 now and I still think about her often playing out the scenarios and thinking if there was anything I could have done different. I had just gotten out of the military had some training but i failed. I cannot ever forgive myself for that.

The had fraternal twins either 6 or 9 months old when this happened. They are probably 12 or 13 now. One day they will rightfully want to know what happened when they are older and I dont know what I am going to say. Right before the ambulance came and I was talking with the 911 lady all my neighbor keep repeated i'm going to die i'm going to die. That was the last words I heard from her :(.

I hope you continue with the therapy and it helps you get on. Honor your mother by doing what she wanted for you. No one is ever forgetten

This is really crazy. The knife he used was also a butcher knife and i kept repeating i was going to die to the paramedics. I also think about the what if situations but remember that you tried thats the most you could do. You are an amazing person. People like you are the type that give me hope. Never forget that.

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She tried breaking up with her bf and he wouldn't accept it. We tried getting the police involved since he wouldn't leave but they were no help. On Martin Luther King day I was watching a movie on netflix and hear a scream. At first I thought it was my imagination so I ignored it but then i heard it again. I ran to my kitchen and there he was pointing a knife at her. We tried getting it away from him but we couldn't so I jumped in front of her. He didn't care and started to stab me. I lost over 80% of my blood that day and got stabbed in the lungs stomach liver and broke my ribs (Now I have metal in my ribs holding them together) She ran down the stairs (two apt house) knocking on the downstairs door but he got to her before they opened the door. I tried calling 911 but the line was busy Luckily my neighbo

May I ask what he was like before the incident?

To be honest, I never liked him. Most people thought it was because I missed my dad but i just had a bad vibe. I liked my mom's previous bfs. He tried buying my acceptance. He was a jealous person. My mom had to talk to her friends who were guys while pretending to take a shower and he would be at the door listening, he did drugs, and even hit me before.

I'm really sorry you went through that. My mother had this horrible boyfriend who did all of those things to us, too, except my mom would go 'to the store' if she needed to talk to someone. Living with abusive men is just...awful. I know that sounds stupid, but it's how I remember those years. Did you ever think he was capable of that amount of violence before he did it?

I had a feeling he could be violent since he did hit me once before but never to that extent.

Wow, this is horrifying. This made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss and your hardship.

My best friend was murdered in front of me three years ago. Like you, I was stabbed in that incident. Although I'm sure this is not comparable to watching your own mother's life be taken, feel free to message me if you'd like to talk more. It truly does help.

I can say the same to you. Losing someone you care about is the hardest thing. I would love to listen if you even need someone

If you had the opportunity to kill him without being caught, would you do it?

Honestly, yes. I almost did that day but they gave him the first ambulance

could you elaborate on this? 1) Why would he need the ambulance and 2) why would this shit head get one before you or your mother?

1) I stabbed him in the jugular vein. 2) to this day i wish I knew.

I'm really disgusted by this. You lost 80% of your blood, are on the verge of dying and they put that fucker in the first ambulance?

The cynic in me can't help but wonder if the cop shooting him played a role. Less paperwork for a cop who shoots a perp than one who kills a perp. Either way, it is totally fucked up.

i know i hated that

Was your mom still alive when the paramedics came? If not, was she responsive?

No she was gone

This part I didn't know. Unfortunately, as sucky as it is, triage decisions in the field aren't always perfect. We have to remain unbiased, and the person with the most life-threatening injury gets first transport, even if they just ("allegedly," to us, even if it's clear) killed someone. Although, with your list of injuries-- multiple chest wounds, collapsed lung, major hemorrhaging, pediatric patient-- I still think you would've taken priority.

How long after the first ambulance did you get transported?

i was in and out of it because of blood lost but from what it felt like maybe 15 mins

I'm remembering more of this call every minute. Was this on the west side? 14th? Normal? Richmond? He ran outside waving a sword and got his worthless ass shot, right? There's usually a rig posted at Elmwood and Virginia-- if the call was where I think it was, they would've been the one of the ones to respond, assuming the system wasn't too busy. The other rig would have likely come from Albright Knox.

It was the one on Normal. Yeah he was waving a sword and got shot.

I know this seems like an idiotic/intentionally gruesome question, but honestly, what did it feel like to stab him? Do you remember actually stabbing him, or was it pure adrenaline? Was it a conscious "I'm gonna stab him in the jugular" or just a lucky hit?

Again, not asking to be graphic, but I'm just really curious to know what was going through your head.

Thanks so much for the AMA, I hate that you are reliving this, but I'm honored to be able to hear your story.

pretty good i was hoping he would die

damn. the only question i have is, how did you manage to do that if you were stabbed many times?

I don't know. I'm happy I did because now he has a scar on his neck reminding him what a terrible person he is

Sorry you had to go through that. My dad was murdered when I was 22 and I'm almost 26 now, and I'm still putting my life back together. Thankfully, I didn't witness it, so I can only imagine what it was like for you. STAY STRONG!

You too! I know it will only get a little easier but life is too short to be negative.

Thanks :) It does get easier, but never goes completely away. My dad had a terrible life, so when I was told he was found dead at his apartment, I was actually relieved. No more suffering for him. Then I found out it was murder and that made it harder to cope with/understand. Then I felt guilty for quite awhile because I was relieved when I first heard he died. I was sad of course, but I knew he was in a better place.

It is hard but I agree that he's in a better life. My mom used to say that life itself is the true hell because of all the suffering in the world and I truly believe both her and my dad are in a better place.

It's good to see you can maintain a positive attitude after going through this. I know, for me, the first year was incredibly hard. I quit my job, stopped playing guitar (normally played about 6 hours/day) drank every chance I had (and I was 22, so it was nearly every day), did drugs, OD'd, which led to almost getting arrested, but my mom and sister refused to press charges. Wound up going to counseling for probably 6-8 months, put on meds (which I'm off now), etc... etc...

Definitely not the best part of my life, but it IS a part of my life and I can now look back on what happened and what I did, and try to learn from it.

That's the best thing to do from mistakes. I made a lot of mistakes at a young age after my dad's death. I know that while i was in the hospital I was addicted to the IV meds and would count down until I could get them I wanted to just forget. The worst part was I had a dream where everything that happened was a dream so i woke up thinking that none of it was true but then i realized i was still in a hospital bed.

I was working in Buffalo as an EMT at the time of your mother's death, and I remember the call-- no, I didn't take it. I'm very sorry for your loss. It definitely shook up the EMS circle, and we're a tough crowd to "get to" in that way. I hope you're doing better. One day at a time.

Thank you! i know you guys are amazing.

Thank you. :) I'm actually very curious to know who took your call, as I would most definitely know them. Do you happen to remember their names? They might be interested in this AMA.

EDIT: I also have the ability to call dispatch and find out for you, if you'd like, if furnished with date/time/address of the call via PM. I can certainly verify my ID first.

No But i do remember a EMT who took the call the day I tried my suicide attempt. I remember his frist name was Brent Last name cant remember since it was german

How did your brother react? How does he cope?

He went crazy worried. He says that im his support. That day he found out through a friend I called while waiting for the police.

I hope you don't mind me asking, are you and your brother able to talk about your experience or do you two try not to bring it up?

I'm really sorry that you and your brother had to go through that. I wish you the best.

I don't mind talking about it but he doesn't bring it up even though I know it's on his mind.

Thank you for being so candid, I really hope your treatment is going well. Has your brother exhibited any signs of depression? How is he coping? Is he seeing any type of psychiatric professional or undergoing any treatment?

Again, I wish you the best. You have your whole life ahead of you.

He refuses to see a professional. He tries to be the strong one. Sometimes too much. I see affect him. Example: he posted I miss you on our mom's facebook wall. I try talking to him but he says that all he has to do is think and he's fine

Have you considered seeing someone together?

Maybe you can tell him that you need him to be the 'strong one' in the session with you, you know? Tell him that you need his support. Maybe he will open up in the session.

Even if he doesn't open up, maybe it will help him emotionally to fulfill the role of a supportive sibling.

Me along with multiple people have tried talking to him about it but he doesn't want to. He's truly stubborn and I hate it.

That's too bad. I am glad that you are able to receive treatment and I wish you nothing but the best.

I'm by no means an expert, in my previous suggestion I was just trying to say that maybe you can 'ease' him into therapy by telling him that you want him to be there with you.

That way he can feel like he is supporting you and he won't necessarily feel intimidated about having to "open up." Even if it doesn't work, maybe you guys will be brought closer together.

Talk to your therapist! Maybe they can suggest a colleague that specializes in some sort of group therapy for PTSD, grieving, etc.

Again, thanks for being so candid, I wish you the best.

Thank you for your suggestion Maybe it'll work since the next time i see my counselor is the this coming week.

I'm so sorry for what has happened to you, and hate to bring back any harsh memories, but was there anything that you remember pleasantly about your parents?

There shouldn't even be a downvote option for this.

Yes. I remember watching old tv shows like Mister Ed with my dad. I was a daddy's little girl. He was embarrassing but always made me smile. For my mom, my favorite memory would be my Quinceanera which if you don't know its like a sweet 16 but instead its 15

Do you plan on becoming a superhero?

That would be pretty awesome

I dunno - it sounds to me like you are already a superhero.

Thank you. That put a smile on my face.

You're the hero that we all need, and the hero that we deserve.

That made me smile and go aww lol thank you

How is your brother able to support you both? Thank god he is, though.

Honestly, social security does. He gets it from disability (He is legally blind) and i get survivor's benefits.

jeez, your life is really tough. i really hope it gets better for you

It has Thank you

I've read through all your comments and let me just say that you are an amazing person for not only living the life you have, but for having lived it and still wanting to take the time to help others and move forward. You are truly an inspiration. I'm very glad you decided to do this IAmA.

Thank you so much Im happy i decided to as well.

Details? Are you in therapy?

Yes I am in therapy. Right now, im going through EMDR treatment

Any psychological orders related or not related to the incident?

PTSD and depression from my dad's death.

i just wanna say, you're so fucking strong and beautiful. I can only hope if god forbid i'm in the same situation the loyalty i strive to have would give me the strength to take a knife for someone like i hope i would. Your mum knew you loved her.

Thank you. I'm happy she does we had a rough relationship

Dude, reading that article, you stabbed the guy in the neck during the confrontation. You are kick-ass. I'm 23, but I look up to you.

Yeah. I don't know if i should feel proud for it but i am

It was obviously a case of self-defense, and moreover she was trying to protect her mom, so I'm okay with feeling proud. I'm not big on capital punishment, but I have no issues whatsoever with self-defense like this.

i never once thought that i would have to do that but im just glad he didnt get away because he was weakened. He tried to kill himself but was too weak for that. im glad he didnt that wouldve been too easy

I spent a good chunk of my life in Buffalo (my Dad grew up there and is buried there) so from one Buffalo girl to another, I'm so sorry for your loss and hardship. If you're ever interested, I come back "home" twice a year and I'd be glad to take you and your brother out for a meal.

Thanks :) Im just looking forward to the future

I can't imagine how horrible that must have been.

How old were/are you? Has he had his trial yet, and if so was he convicted, and what was his sentence? And who are you with now (father, other family, ...)?

I hope you're able to recover and heal.

i was 15. 16 Now. He was convicted to 25 years to life. My only family is my older brother. He is now my guardian. My dad died when i was 11 due to drinking

Were you involved in the trial? I'm assuming you testified. What sort of case did the defense try to make?

He tried to plead insanity but then changed his mind so there wasn't a trial. I did have to talk to the grand jury though. And there were multiple witnesses including a cop he tried to attack.

Maybe a weird question, but after getting stabbed so many times was there pain? Did you feel it at first but was it numbed because of the lost of blood? Or do you even remember? I'm assuming the loss of blood made you unconscious.

You don't have to answer this if you don't like.

I didn't feel any pain until i sat down to wait for the paramedics. After they came i fell into a coma for a few hours

After reading this I just want to say that you are not in anyway responsible for the horrific event you and your mom and brother went through. PLEASE believe that the man who did this could not have been stopped. If he was stopped that day it would have been another I'm sure.

Thank you. For most of the year, i felt like it was all my fault but I learned that I couldn't do anything and that the best I could do was my best and thats what i did

You able to get much sleep?

The only way I sleep well is if im sleeping next to someone. Otherwise i have nightmares. Oh and i also have sleep apnea

Sorry for your loss and I hope your nightmares get better I use to have vivid nightmares after my mothers suicide but they have gotten better so keep your head up.

Thank you

Do you want vengeance?

Honestly, yes. He took the most important person in my life.

Oh my god. I am so sorry you had to go through that. No one should ever have to witness an atrocity like that. A little girl in a town I used to live in witnessed her mom get stabbed and she barely survived as well. She has some facial scars and is missing a few toes. And the crime was done by a bunch of high school punks that were in my grade for no reason whatsoever, disgusting. She was 11 at the time and its been about two years now, and she is doing much better. I forsee that things will get better for you too. But like others have said, this shouldn't define you. You have so much ahead of you in your future, stay strong!

That's so terrible. I'll keep her in my mind and Thank you

You are an amazing person for turning this curse into a gift for others. I'm talking about what you're sharing right now. All respect, all best wishes.

Thank you. I also did an interview with my local newspaper to inform people. It is online too. If you are interested i could give you the link.

I'm really sorry that it happened. No one wants to see their parents go, especially to see them murdered.

How are you cooping with this?

Are you seeking any type of help from professionals?

Can you give us some background information as to what happened?

To be honest I have my good days and my bad. I feel like I made progress considering I tried to kill myself after it happened

become batgirl !!!!

i might just have to be batgirl next halloween because of this comment

Did the injuries you sustained permanently effect your health?

Yes. I can't stand the cold because of the metal in my ribs, my lungs are weaker to the point where ppl who take my xrays think im a smoker and my stomach is weaker.

I am sorry to hear about your mom. It sends shivers down my spine. I am in a mentally abusive relationship and I am terrified to leave because I'm afraid of him trying to harm me. I have no idea what to do

try to secretly get help. You're life is important i love you!