Hello, its Aziz Ansari again. AMA.

Hi Aziz!

Here's your "Welcome to IAMA lase!" Click me

YEAH I KNOW HOW THIS WORKS, SOME STUPID ASS LINK, I'M NOT CLICKING. GET OFF ME DUDE

OH WOW NEVERMIND THAT'S BEAUTIFUL MY BAD

Has 50 Cent ever talked to you about your "Grapefruit" story?

No! Have not run into him anywhere. Hopefully he thinks its funny?

If forced to choose: fried chicken or biscuits?

THAT'S THE CRUELEST QUESTION THAT'S EVER BEEN ON AN AMA. GET THIS GUY OUTTA HERE MAN

When are they going to ask you to host SNL?

I don't know! I would love to do it.

Whoa. I lost track of time. I gotta leave shortly, but thanks for all your questions. These are always a lot of fun.

can you tell us a groupie story? either when you had one or were one.

This Indian dude once invited me to go get drinks with him and some other Indian dudes. I said no.

What would you be doing if you weren't hilarious?

A fat Indian man that lives at home

Yo Aziz, can't wait for Parks and Rec Season 5 tonight. Since you come on reddit a bunch of times, do you have any favorite subreddits or memes?

This is my favorite thing. I was looking for an old AMA of mine to see what my username was and I found this AMAZING story where someone said they ran into me on the street and I said something like "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!! NO PHOTO. SUCK MY BIG DICK!!!!!"

Yeah, of course, this wasn't me. It must have been some Indian dude with a beard that was tired of being confused with me. But what was hilarious was all the redditors weirdly took Fake Aziz's side like "Yo man, you should give him his privacy." To be clear; it wasn't me and I would never treat someone that came up to me that way. I'll see if I can find it...

Its at the top of this: http://www.reddit.com/r/nyc/comments/mqwpb/aziz_ansari_in_town/

By the way, that happens A LOT. People tweet me like "Yo I just hi to you in Austin and you were a dick." Meanwhile, I'm in New York. Indian dudes with beards, PLEASE CARRY YOURSELF IN A RESPECTABLE MANNER! I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE REPERCUSSIONS OF YOUR DOUCHEBAGGERY!!!

forever alone aziz ansari

replies to himself twice

YO MAN I COULD HAVE JUST HIT EDIT AND ADDED STUFF BUT I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE BETTER

How is Nick Offerman off set?

Everyone says this about everyone, but he is the nicest, sweetest man. And he always carries me in his arms from the trailer to the sets.

Do you use any Tom-isms (i.e. chicky chicky parm parm) in real life?

What is your favorite episode of the upcoming season?

Edit: looks like you did it right!

This episode (I think episode 4) where Tom has to stop using the Internet for a week is awesome. I go to Ron's cabin with Ron and try to stay off "screens" for a week. I improvised a thing about Reddit, hopefully it'll make it in. I think you guys will dig it. Offerman, as always, kills it and I got to talk about a LOT of dumb internet stuff. It's like if that Wasting Time on the Internet bit from Dangerously Delicious became a TV episode.

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It just happens as you get better and people take notice. Eugene Mirman gave me the best advice early on, he said to just focus on your act and start killing. People are always going to want to give you spots if you're doing great sets. You quickly learn once you focus on being really good, the rest falls in place. I remember seeing people at open mics with headshots and talking about managers, etc. Its all nonsense. The best advice is that of Steve Martin, "be undeniably good."

Hey Aziz, no bars near me make Gold Rushes. What's your own recipe?

1 1/2 oz Maker's Mark 3/4 oz lemon juice 3/4 oz honey syrup (honey syrup you make with 3:1 ratio of honey to boiling water)

A fantastic cocktail.

Hi Aziz,

Parks and Rec is one of my favourite shows, but since I live in the UK, I'm having to torrent it. Whenever I'm in the US, I try and watch it on NBC, or Netflix, or Hulu though. Should I feel shitty that I'm doing this? How else can I support the show?

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!!!!! MY UK RESIDUAL CHECKS!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I'm kidding. I don't really care. I think its great for people to just see and enjoy the show. Maybe all these companies can catch up and realize they should come up with a way for people in the UK and other parts of the world to watch shows as they come out legally. I firmly believe that people steal/download/etc because the legal methods are usually not as good, convenient, or fairly priced. Thanks for watching our show.

Hi Aziz! Do you like acting or performing stand-up more? And Human Giant was the funniest show on TV; do you still talk to Rob and Paul? Thanks so much for doing an AMA!

STANDUP IS THE BEST!!!!!!!! But I like acting too. I do talk to those guys still. Thanks for the question.

Will we get another episode about annual "treat yo' self" day?

I hope so!!

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The characters I play always just "happen" to be Indian. So racist.

Has the Governator gotten back to you yet on Twitter. Would love to see you guys in a movie.

YES! I think he's recording a voicemail with T-2 and Kindergarten Cop lines. So nuts.

In the scene where you talked about Apps and Zerts on Parks and Rec, was that scripted? Or did you ad lib all those?

Some written, some improvised.

Is Rashida as cool as she seems?

COOLER.

What's the next movie in theaters that you will be in?

Jingle All the Way 2

If you could have any one guest star on parks and Rec, who would you choose?

ARNOLD!!!!!

What can we expect from Tom this season on "Parks and Recreation"?

Yesterday we filmed a scene where Jean Ralphio and I sang a song that goes "MAKE! MAKE! MAKE! MAKE! MAKE THOSE BOOTIES CLAP!"

What's your favorite memory from childhood?

http://cdn.thefader.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/babyaziz.jpg

Was the online $5 show a success enough that you are going to put all of them out that way from now on?

Yes, I believe so. It is/was awesome. It'll always be part of the release in some part. Still deciding how exactly I want to release Buried Alive.

Hey Aziz, whats your all time favorite scene from parks and rec and why?

Ron eating bacon at the strip club

1. who is your favorite comedian?

2. have you ever told a joke and had no one laugh at it? how did you recover?

1) I really love Chelsea Peretti and Hannibal Burress.

2) Of course. I mean, nothing terrible happens, its just quiet and then you move on. It's not a huge deal. If that happens like a few jokes in a row, oh man, that sucks hard.

What is your favourite "blooper reel moment" from filming Parks & Recreation?

When Aubrey talked as Champion and asked "Anne, why won't you date me? You're the prettiest dog I've ever seen."

Who would win in a fight between Darwish and Harris? Why?

Darwish. Dude is JACKED. He works out a lot. Serious.

When I saw you perform in New Jersey in the past year, you performed a completely different set of material than I had recently downloaded from your site.

How often do you come up with new material for your live shows?

It just depends on how much time I have to write a new hour in between acting commitments. I would never do a big tour liked Buried Alive without having new material that I'm super confident in. Did you like Buried Alive? That's my favorite hour I've done.

My favorite tour yet, saw you in Denver. Your new tour includes multiple times throughout the show where you ask the audience to tell a story about a specific topic and you engage a person in conversation for about a minute. How did you conceive of this idea? How have you reacted when an audience member tells you a really mundane story or if they do/say something and you don’t know how to react to it?

I just started talking to people in clubs about marriage, how they met, online dating, etc. when I was writing the material. I quickly realized it'd be great to make it a part of the show. I didn't know if it'd work in theatres without video screens or whatever, but its been great. It's always just fascinating. I've gotten good at dealing with whatever details people give me, I haven't had a problem so far.

My favorite was in New Orleans a dude said he proposed by putting the ring around a puppy on Christmas morning. The audience and I went NUTS. A lil pup running up to a lady with a ring around its neck?? Then he said it was a "stuffed puppy" and all hope in the world was lost.

What was your favorite comedy growing up?

Coming to America. Still holds up incredibly well.

What's currently your favorite song? I sure hope it's Pop That by French Montana.

Dude I been blasting that A LOT.

Also "Bands A Make Her Dance" by Juicy J.

Your brother, Aniz, is hilarious on twitter. Has he always been the funnier Ansari?

Aniz makes me laugh harder than almost anyone. He and I are very close.

@SouthCackNeez is his twitter name fyi

What would your ideal role in a film be?

The T-1000.

Hey Aziz, what is it like to work with Chris Pratt on Parks and Rec?

i watched the latest blooper reel pretty recently, and Chris had me pissing my pants with what seemingly sounded like him going off script and improving his lines.

I say this about everyone but seriously, Chris is the sweetest, funniest guy. He always also never uses a spit bucket. When you do scenes where a character is eating, you eat and then spit it out into a "spit bucket." Chris just keeps eating. If you see Andy eating a cheeseburger in a scene, you should know Chris Pratt ate like 8 cheeseburgers.

I love that guy and everyone on Parks. Cannot over state this!*

*Does not include Jerry

How has your rapid success and fame impacted your life the most?

I get free shoes

When is Jean Ralphio going to make a return? The scenes With him and Tom are straight deloicious

Yep. Filmed some ridiculous stuff with Jean Ralphio yesterday.

Did you get a chance to film in DC or meet any of the Senators who have cameos in the Parks season opener tonight? I think John McCain could probably use a new swagger coach

Tom stays in Pawnee!! But I saw some of the DC stuff and its hilarious. You'll enjoy the episode.

What is the most interesting thing a fan has ever said to you?

"Hey look its that comedian bozo..."

Hi Aziz! Is it hard to keep coming up with new, fresh, relatable jokes?

Coming up with new jokes is hard, especially ones that are really, really strong but I always just write about whatever's really occupying my head. For my current Buried Alive tour, that's been this kind of fear of settling down and getting married and having children and just how insane that whole process is. It's been by far my most relatable and personal hour of material, and in my opinion, my best.

Hi, mega stand-up fan here. I have seen Intimate Moments(including the bonus feature), Dangerously Delicious enough times to quote them exactly when they aren't even on. I also came to your Buried Alive Tour in Atlanta, which was fucking hilarious by the way. First, I would like to know when you are expecting your next tour to take place? Also, how do you come up with material? For some reason I imagine you doing it in some badass way.

Next tour, who knows, I'M STILL ON THIS TOUR MAN, WHY DON'T YOU CALM DOWN!!! I'm joking, but man its really hard to keep writing new hours of strong material, especially at the pace people want to see new material.

My process:

I just jot ideas in a notebook and start working them out in small shows that I drop in unannounced to in NYC and LA. I'll record and listen to the sets, make changes based on what works, try to improvise, discuss the topics with the audience, etc. It takes months and months of writing and refining, then eventually you have an hour to tour. It's very challenging, but rewarding.

Hey, where was your first gig as a stand up comic? Also, how old were you when you first started doing what you do best? Thanks for doing the AMA.

Comedy Cellar in New York in the summer of 2001. I was 19. I still drop in the Cellar a lot to work on new material, its my favorite comedy club.

What's your favorite restaurant in Boston?

Gourmet Dumpling House. Get the pork soup dumplings and the szechuan sliced fish. I think about the fish like once a week. Oh my.

what is your favorite movie?

Terminator 2 or Die Hard or Before Sunset

Not kidding.

What type of Mac and cheese do you prefer? Standard elbow noodles or shapes?

My favorite mac and cheese is that mac they serve at Zingerman's in Ann Arbor, MI. SO DAMN GOOD.

Will you, at any point this season, work "Your Duncan Hines is irrelevant" into Tom's lines?

Oh man. Seriously, I'm gonna try to work that in tomorrow. Thanks for reminding me.

Will we actually get a straight to DVD Hitch spinoff? This is not a joke...

I wonder what would happen if I honestly pitched doing a direct to DVD sequel to Hitch or Jingle All the Way. Could I film it? That would be kind of amazing. Who should star in Jingle All the Way 2 with me?

Get. Get. Get that Pay-PUH!!

MAKE. MAKE. MAKE. MAKE THOSE BOOTIES CLAP!

(NEW SHIT SAHN, SEASON 5)